A Different Path for Ana
by greytosteele
Summary: It had been three months since that fateful evening that would change the course of Ana's life forever. Tonight was to set the course for a new beginning, though Ana had not a clue what was to come. The Fifty Shades Trilogy belongs to E.L. James
1. Chapter 1

It had been three months since that fateful evening that would change the course of Ana's life forever. Tonight was to set the course for a new beginning, though Ana had not a clue what was to come.

Five months prior

Christian and Ana had been arguing constantly over the last several months. Christian had lost over $2 billion on business deals and resented the success Ana was having in the publishing world. He wanted her to stop working, spend more time at home with Teddy and Phoebe, who were now six and four - and maybe have a third child. Ana, on the other hand, was really enjoying her career and felt she could successfully navigate that, while maintaining a happy family life. She wanted a third child, but wanted to wait, as she was in the middle of a major expansion of Grey publishing and had been put on bed rest the last two months of her pregnancy with Phoebe. She felt like a baby could wait a little longer. After all, she was only twenty six.

Christian resented that this decision was out of his control and he despised his wife's defiance. He needed an outlet for his anger - sessions with Claude were no longer enough and he didn't want to take Ana to the playroom for fear of hurting her in an effort to release this rage that was growing inside of him. Finally, he knew what he must do. That day he began his search for a new submissive.

This was no ordinary search - he wanted a contact that excluded sex. Sex was to be reserved for Ana. Only Ana. He also didn't give a shit what she wore or ate, just her tolerance for pain. He had to get that feeling of control back and was convinced this was the way - the only way.

Nina was perfect. She was an attractive brunette, about 5'5, pale complexion, hazel eyes and a perfect round ass. He couldn't wait to see the cane marks on her beautiful ass.

They met weekly at Escala, he would set the scene and beat her until her skin turned his favorite shade of pink, then he would see her out and head home to fuck his wife. He felt so much better. He was happier, in control. Christian Grey was back. His business was doing great again and things with Ana were much better thanks o his renewed sense of control. It had been two months since his "sessions" with Nina had begun and life was finally becoming more manageable.

Ana had taken the kids to Georgia to visit her mother and Christian couldn't accompany her due to visitors from Taiwan. He decided to stay at Escala for the week, since he had early meetings and business dinners nearly every day and night while Ana and the children were away. Then it occurred to him he could increase his sessions with Nina too - what a great way to pass the time while his family was away. Because the sessions didn't include sex, they were usually only an hour or an hour and a half long – what a great way to end the day. Nina was always eager - that girl loved the fucking pain, but other than the sessions, they barely interacted with one another - until one fateful night. Ana was due to come back on Saturday, but called Friday afternoon to say that Teddy had a severe ear infection and the doctor didn't want them to fly for at least 24 hours. She wouldn't be home until Sunday. Christian understood, but these daily sessions with Nina were leaving him with a rock hard erection and he was tired of "taking matters into his own hands." He wanted his wife back, but he had to wait another two days for that.

Just after he hung up with Ana, the elevator arrived at the penthouse - it was time to play. Nina seemed a bit off and almost immediately he knew she had been drinking. This pissed him off. She was a fucking employee for Christ sake, what was she thinking coming here half drunk? She needed to be punished and Christian was up for the task.

After nearly an hour of taking a flogger, cat and cane to Nina, Christian was done. He felt amazing. As Nina was about to leave the room, she asked for permission to speak, Christian allowed her request and she stood, wrapped in the red sheet and told him she was hungry and she would be happy to have him for dinner. With that, she unzipped his jeans, stroked his rock hard erection, dropped to her knees and took him into her mouth. He was shocked, but accepted the assault and fucked her mouth - hard.

When he came, he told her to get out. He felt sick with himself, but oddly sated at the same time. He needed Ana home before something like that happened again.

Ana and the kids arrived home on Sunday and their reunion did not disappoint. They couldn't get enough of each other, even taking that following Wednesday off of work to play at home while the kids were at school.

Everything was finally getting back to normal. Life was good. The following Saturday was a huge gala for the Washington State Foundation for the Arts. Christian and Ana were major contributors and Christian served on the board of directors. They were looking forward to an evening out and planned to stay at Escala and play while Gail kept the kids overnight. Life had other plans.

Phoebe was sent home from school with a fever and by the time Christian got home, it had spiked to 104 degrees. With Grace and Carrick on vacation in Europe, Ana called their regular pediatrician and he confirmed a fever virus was going around and told them to keep Phoebe comfortable with ibuprofen, plenty of fluids and lukewarm baths. He also gave Ana other symptoms to watch for that may require a visit to the doctor or ER.

Christian and Ana decided Ana would stay home with the kids and Christian would come home following the dinner. With a swift kiss to his wife, Christian and Sawyer headed off to the Fairmont for the gala.

The gala was just like all the other dull fundraising events Christian and Ana attended far too frequently. Christian missed his wife. Ana always made these events better. Hell, she made everything better. It was time to head home to his family. Christian instructed Sawyer to get to the car and headed for the restroom on the way out.

As he washed his hands, he was greeted by someone he vaguely recognized, but couldn't quite place. The man prodded Christian.

"Grey, don't you remember me?" The man asked.

"Sorry, could you refresh my memory?" Christian asked.

"Trevor Smythe - I guess I look a little different than I did back when we were fifteen and you broke my nose, eh?"

"Oh, Trevor, hey sorry about that. I was going through a really rough time back then. Hope there aren't any hard feelings."

"We are good. It's been nearly twenty years. Besides, I got my revenge a few months back."

Christian gave him a confused looked and he continued.

"I own Western Global. It was a pleasure pulling the Mead, Tristate Communications and Northwest Shippers deals right out from under you. Made all that humiliation from when I was fifteen evaporate. Sorry I couldn't meet your wife, I hear she is lovely. Maybe I'll take her next."

Christian takes a swing at him, but he moves quickly and Christian's punch goes into the wall. Just that time, another member of the Arts Board enters the restroom and Trevor heads out telling him he looks forward to working with him again soon.

As Christian exits the restroom he runs right into Nina. Fuck!

"Mr. Grey, I am so sorry. Oh no, your hand is bleeding."

Christian looks down and sure enough his knuckles are a bloody mess from his encounter with the bathroom wall.

"Oh. It's nothing. I will take care of it when I get home."

"Nonsense. I have a room upstairs, let me clean it up for you."

"Why are you staying here, Nina?"

"My company runs the gala. All staff stays the night since the event goes so late. Let me get you cleaned up."

"No. I am fine, thank you."

"Mr. Grey, this place is filled with members of the press; please let me get you cleaned up before this is on the front page of tomorrow's papers."

"Okay, Ms. Simms, lead the way. "

The head into the elevators and Nina makes her move.

"Mr. Grey, you seem so tense. Please let me relieve some if that tension." She rubs his pants, presses the stop button on the elevator and drops to her knees.

Christian starts to push her away and she grabs his hips and says: "No one will know. I've signed your NDA, let me help you feel better." With that, she releases him from his pants and takes him all the way into her mouth, sucking and licking until he comes undone.

With his climax, Christian seems to recover his wits, pushes Nina away, fixes his pants and tells her he never wants to see her again. She gets out on her floor in tears and he heads back down to the lobby and Sawyer.

Having no idea how much time has passed, Christian is distraught to see he has missed four calls from Sawyer and two from Ana. There was no signal in the elevator. He rushes to the front entrance where Sawyer and hotel security are searching for him. Relieved to find his boss is safe, Sawyer directs him to the car and informs him they need to head to the hospital, as Phoebe has taken a turn for the worse.

Sickened that he was in the elevator getting a blow job while his wife was rushing their sick daughter to hospital, Christian instructs Sawyer to pull over and immediately heaves onto the pavement. Gathering himself, he vows to never do such a thing again. Heading into the ER, he takes a hysterical Ana into his arms, kisses her hair and promises her everything will be okay. If only he knew after tomorrow they would never be the same again.


	2. Chapter 2 - Public Disclosure

It turned out that Phoebe was suffering from a severe case of Hand, Foot and Mouth Virus, which is common among babies and toddlers. The sores in her mouth made it painful to eat or drink and with her fever, she had become slightly dehydrated. Thankfully, it was not serious. The doctor ordered an IV and kept her overnight to hydrate her and balance out her electrolytes. Ana insisted on staying with her, but sent Christian to be home with Teddy. This evening was certainly a far cry from the date night they had planned. Ana had really been looking forward to a night in the playroom with her still too hot for words husband. Maybe next weekend.

The following morning Phoebe was released from the hospital and they headed home to rest a bit more. Christian and Teddy were playing football in the backyard when they got home and Christian was quick to greet his wife and daughter with warm affection. Phoebe rested comfortably and her fever was down. Things were looking up. As they were putting the kids to bed for the night Christian wrapped his arms around his wife and nuzzled her ear.

"I've missed you, Mrs. Grey."

"I've missed you too, Mr. Grey."

"Are you up for a little playtime?"

"Always, Mr. Grey"

"Be in position in five minutes."

"Yes, Sir."

After a several rounds of kinky fuckery and vanilla lovemaking, Ana drifted off to sleep in the comfort of her husband's arms, unaware of the hell that awaited them come morning.

As usual, Ana woke up warm – Christian warm. He was wrapped around her, head on her chest and sound asleep. He looked so beautiful and young when he slept. Oh how she loved her husband. From the bathroom, she heard a phone ringing and carefully unwrapped herself from her husband so as not to wake him. She grabbed her cell phone from the charger and saw that it was Kate calling – at 5:00 a.m.

"Kate, is everything okay? Why on earth are you calling this early?"

"Oh Ana, I am so so sorry. "

"What on earth are you talking about, Kate? Did something happen?"

"Ana, I wanted to warn you about today's papers, it's really bad."

"What Kate? What do you mean? What is really bad?" Ana began to panic and felt a lump in her throat.

"Ana, there are photos of Christian, it is really bad."

"What do you mean? Christian is in bed sleeping."

"Ana, I am so sorry, but you need to pull up the Seattle Tribune."

"Hold on Kate, I have my iPad right here."

"Ana, I'm on my way over, you are going to need a friend, I will be there in fifteen minutes."

"Kate you are scaring me, hang on. I am just powering on my ipad."

What she saw caused her to fall down and she felt like all of the air had been sucked out of her lungs.  
The heading read: _**"How Billionaire CEO Christian Grey Blows Off Steam"**_ the accompanying photo showed Christian's face in the throes of ecstasy and a woman on her knees obviously pleasuring him, though his private part was not revealed in the photo, as it was obviously deeply sheathed in her throat. The accompanying story was even worse. It read:

"_**While his wife rushed their sick four year old daughter to the emergency room last night, Christian Grey was being pleasured in the elevator of the Fairmont Hotel. An unnamed source claims that the elevator was stopped for at least 15 minutes, while Gray was pleasured by the unidentified brunette. Sources also say that Mr. Gray himself said his wife was at home with their sick daughter and he would be heading out early to join her at the family home on the Sound. Obviously Mr. Grey had other important matters that required attention before meeting his wife at the ER of Seattle Grace. We are told that Phoebe Grey was due to be released this morning. The Greys were married in July of 2011 and have two children, Teddy, age six and Phoebe, age four. There was reportedly no prenuptial agreement. Mrs. Grey, it looks like you've just hit the jackpot."**_

Ana could barely breathe and suddenly she felt sick to her stomach. She ran to the toilet and heaved. Christian must have heard her and ran to hold her hair and rub her back. Ana pulled away and screamed with venom.

"Get the hell away from me. Don't you ever touch me again, you sick son of a bitch."

"Ana, what in God's name is wrong? Why are you pushing me away?"

"How was the dinner last night, Christian?"

"What are you talking about, Ana? The dinner was dreadfully boring without you, I told you that last night at the hospital."

"Really? Did anything interesting happen? "

"What the hell are you playing at, Ana?"

"How was the elevator, Christian? I hear it was out of service for at least fifteen minutes."

Christian's face paled and he fell to his knees. "Oh my God, Ana…it is not what you think." "Ana, baby, please listen to me."

"Are you kidding me? Mr. Grey, you have more to worry about than just what I think, your reputation has just been ruined."

"What in the hell are you talking about?"

"Take a look at the morning papers, here online in live Technicolor, you sick cheating bastard."

Christian took the iPad and fell to his knees. He was ruined.

"Ana, Ana please. Let me explain."

"Explain? What is there to explain? While I was franticly racing our sick daughter to the emergency room, you were getting a fucking blow job in an elevator, Christian. There is no possible explanation for this kind of betrayal. Our marriage is over, I am done."

"Ana, no, please baby, no. You don't mean that. I can explain, please let me explain."

"Is that not a photo of you enjoying a blow job in an elevator, taken last night while I was at the hospital with our sick daughter."

Christian doesn't reply, but he erupts into chest heaving sobs.

"Well, Christian…is that not what I see here? Is that not what the entire fucking world will see first thing this morning? This story will live online forever. Our children will see this. Our families, our parents. How could you do this?"

Christian can't even form words he is crying and heaving so hard.

"Christian, I think you need to leave. Go to Escala or anywhere else, but I can't stand the sight of you. I don't really care if I ever see you again."

"Ana you don't mean that, you can't possibly mean that. I love you. You are my world. I cannot live without you."

"Well Christian, you should have thought of that before you cheated on me. How could you do this? Get out, just get out. I am going downstairs to let Kate in, get your stuff and get out of here, NOW."

**The Fifty Shades Trilogy belongs to E.L. James.**


	3. Chapter 3 - Is love enough?

It had been three months since that horrible morning when Ana's whole world collapsed. Feeling the need for answers and to figure out if their marriage could be saved, Ana agreed to see Flynn with Christian. Often times they would meet as much as four times a week. This lasted for a month. During that time, Ana learned that the woman in the elevator was a sub, the only sub Christian had during their marriage and that the contract was non-sexual and their only intimate encounters were two oral encounters. Christian terminated the agreement as soon as Ana threw him out of their home. What was more troubling was learning why he had contracted with a new sub to begin with. In short, he resented her success and the time and attention it took away from him. So much so, he was afraid he might hurt her until he took on a sub to release his rage. Upon this disclosure, Ana told Flynn and Christian that she felt like they needed to work through things on their own for a while and Ana sought out a new therapist.

Dr. Martin forced Ana to really dig deep and face her feelings, her hopes, her fears and finally, what she could live with in the end. The public humiliation of her husband's elevator tryst had been brutal, finding out that the woman was his sub for two months was heartbreaking, but finding out that all of this happened because her own husband resented her success, shattered her very soul. Especially because Ana never asked for that success. She would have been happy editing books for her entire life - a career that could have easily been maintained from home- but it was Christian who insisted on gifting Grey Publishing to her and grooming her to be CEO. She was fearful at first, but she quickly grew into the role and it had really helped build her self confidence over the years. She was good at her job and that made her husband angry enough to beat his frustrations out on another human being.

For his part, Christian had begged forgiveness and swore he would leave the BDSM lifestyle behind forever - that all he needed was Ana and their children. But hadn't he promised that same thing seven years before when they decided to get married? Would he ever be able to deal with his need for control? Would he be able to live with the fact that he would never be able to control Ana?

She remembered what Dr. Martin had said, "Ana, it is obvious that you love your husband very deeply or you wouldn't be here entertaining staying with him after the humiliating betrayal you have suffered. You say that you don't doubt his love for you. My question to you is - is love enough? Life has no guarantees. There is no guarantee something like this won't happen again. You have managed to survive it this time, but could you do that again.? I don't know your husband personally, but from what you have told me, it seems like he will always have a need for control. The problem lies in how he addresses that need. Will he take on another sub or will he find a way to take it out on you in some form. Is love enough without a definitive answer to these questions."

Ana had also discussed the low self esteem she had suffered when she met Christian. His love, the knowledge that she was a good mother and her success in the publishing world, helped her build a strong self esteem. She didn't doubt that she was good enough anymore, she finally knew that she was. She also knew that she didn't deserve to be punished for her success. She loved her husband, but two months of intensive therapy with Dr. Martin helped her reach the decision that love was not enough, not anymore.

The Fifty Shades Trilogy belongs to EL James, I own nothing.


	4. Chapter 4 - Decision Time

Ana had never considered divorce as an option for her and Christian. She always believed they would find a way – that their love would be enough. As a child of divorce, she knew firsthand how hard it was to constantly be shuffled back and forth between parents. That was something she never wanted her children to experience. Her mother and stepfather had a bitter divorce, due to her mother's infidelity. They finally learned to tolerate one another when Ana was finishing college. The years in between had been difficult, to say the least. She had to make sure Teddy and Phoebe did not suffer a similar fate. That night, she asked Christian if they could meet as Escala.

Unable to concentrate, Ana left work early and arrived at Escala before Christian. When she exited the elevator into the penthouse, she was flooded with memories. There were memories of losing her virginity, dancing in the great room, falling in love and starting her marriage. Then she glanced upstairs and remembered all too well the pain and pleasure the playroom had brought into their lives. Feeling a pull, she headed up the stairs, found the key (still hanging from the "yes" keychain she had given to Christian so many years before to accept his proposal) and entered the playroom. When she flipped on the light, she discovered things looked much the same, the citrus and leather smells were not as prevalent as they once were, but they still lingered. She ran her had along the red satin sheets of the bed, across the museum chest and the sofa. Oh what good times they had experienced in this room. The good times far outweighed the bad, didn't they? What she saw next stopped her in her tracks.

The hanging rack in front of her contained an assortment of canes, whips, metal and leather cats and belts – belts just like the one Christian had punished her with so many years before. That was the day she left him. The five days she spent apart from him had been the most difficult of her life to that point, but her leaving had lead to their "more". Christian had gotten rid of all of the canes, cats, whips and belts because he and Ana had both agreed she would likely never overcome those hard limits. And now, seven years later, a new assortment was on display before her very eyes. It was in that moment that she knew things could never be the same again. Love wasn't enough for Christian and now it wasn't enough for her. She quickly exited the playroom, returned the key to its spot in the laundry room and headed back downstairs to wait for her husband.

Christian's POV

When Ana had called him earlier that day and asked if they could meet at Escala, he knew in his heart he was losing her. For the last three months, they had been trying to figure out if/how they could make their marriage work. It had been three months of sheer hell for him – and for Ana. He didn't need anyone to tell him what a mess he had made of his life, he knew that he was his own worst enemy. His reputation was in shreds, his parents, grandparents, siblings and staff members were all disgusted by his behavior and he knew they were right. He could barely function these days, he was hardly eating or sleeping and he had all but handed the reins of GEH over to Ros. The only bright spots were the days when he went to visit his children or the nights when he drank himself into oblivion to keep the nightmares at bay.

He had been seeing Flynn everyday – brutal sessions that uncovered the demons that still possessed the depths of his soul. Flynn had also been disappointed in his actions and maintained in their sessions that it may be impossible for Ana to truly forgive him and move forward. The seven and a half years he had been with Ana were the happiest of his life. Ana brought him to life and he had thrown it all away.

He knew what he was doing was wrong at the time, yet he just couldn't stop himself. He was so terrified he would hurt Ana, that he saw no other way but to contract with a new sub. He convinced himself that by having a non-sexual contract, he wasn't doing anything wrong. In fact, he was making things better. The first two months with Nina had been exceptional. It was an intense 60-90 minute power exchange and then she left, no strings attached. Perfect. The night that Ana had called and said Teddy was sick and she'd be a day late returning to Seattle, he nearly snapped. All the sessions with Nina, were making him a walking hard on and he needed Ana. He needed release. When Nina went down on him that night, he just couldn't resist her. He had no emotional attachment whatsoever, but it was so much better than jacking himself off in the shower again he couldn't resist. After she left, he felt sick and had made up his mind he would end their contract immediately. The next week had been euphoric. He and Ana were finally back to normal, she even indicated they could try soon for a third child. He was happy again. They had a great week, the sex was incredible and their emotional connection was stronger than ever. They even took Wednesday off to play all day together in bed.

Things were on track at work and he and Ana were going to spend the night at Escala on Friday after the Gala. Unfortunately, Phoebe was sick, so they decided Ana should stay home and Christian would come home early. He was headed home and got cornered by that fucker, Trevor Smythe. When he goaded him on the business deals he had lost and then implied he'd go after Ana, Christian lost it.

"_There you Grey, losing control once again. How did it work out for you this time?" _He thought to himself.

Then he ran into Nina and that was when he lost everything. Amazing how everything you've worked for in your personal and professional life can be destroyed by fifteen minutes in an elevator. That Sunday when Ana showed him the photo and accompanying story, he thought he might die of a heart attack right then and there. The look of hurt and utter devastation in her eyes had haunted him every day and night since. He had never experienced such physical pain and emotional anguish in his life. Even the abuse by the crack whore's pimp and staying with her dead body for four days didn't compare to the pain he felt that day and every day since. He knew he was losing everything and he had no one to blame but himself.

He didn't know why he didn't stop Nina that night, or the previous Friday for that matter. He let his dick overrule his brain and he would pay for that mistake for the rest of his life. Welch was able to discover that one of the hotel security guards who was monitoring the elevator CCTV that evening had downloaded the tapes to his personal computer and sold them for $1 million that same evening. Shortly after, he hopped a plan to his native Canada. The act was criminal, but the Canadians refused to extradite him for a white collar crime, so he got off scot –free with a cool million, which Christian's life was in ruins.

"_Isn't life grand?"_

Ana was already waiting when he arrived at Escala that evening. _"Fucking apartment why did I ever keep it? If I had sold it maybe none of this would have happened. Hindsight is always 20/20."_ He hated coming in this building now. All it represented was the place where everything had gone wrong. Ana was sitting on the couch in the great room when he came through the foyer doors. She turned to greet him with a grave expression and tear stained cheeks. He ran to her and fell to his knees. He began sobbing in her lap telling her over and over how sorry he was for hurting her and for ruining everything. He told her she was the only woman he would ever love and that he was nothing without her and the children.

She leaned down and kissed his hair. Her words from that night still echoed in his head.

"Christian you are a part of me, without you I am incomplete. I will always love you. Please don't ever doubt that. I forgive you and you need to forgive yourself. If not for me, please do that for our children. They need you to be whole and you can't be until you allow yourself forgiveness."

She caressed my cheek and pulled me to sit beside her. She clasped both of my hands in hers and through heavy sobs she said: "I love you so much Christian Grey. We have shared seven and a half amazing years together and we have two beautiful children who need us so much." I nodded in agreement and brought her hands to my lips for a sweet kiss.

"We have to stay strong for our children. I need to be the best mother I can possibly be, they deserve that, Christian. I can't do that if I am constantly worried about what you might be doing. I love you, I forgive you, but I don't think I will ever be able to trust you again. Without that, we can't survive. Christian, I am so sorry, but I want a divorce. Please let me go Christian, please give me a divorce."


	5. Chapter 5 - Forging a Friendship

_**A/N: Thank you so much for all of the reviews, favorites, alerts and PMs. You are the best! I hope you enjoy this story. I honestly don't believe Christian would ever cheat on Ana and that they are soul mates destined to be together forever. However, with cheating stories being all the rage these days, I wanted to take a bit of a different direction. A Christian still desperately in love with Ana, but unable to let go of or properly deal with his need for control, which ultimately causes him to lose the most important thing in his life. There will be many twists and turns in this story, so I hope you'll stick with me for the ride. **_

"Please let me go, Christian. Please give me a divorce." The words echoed in his head over and over, even a month later. Christian knew it was coming. They had been separated for three months already and he knew that he could never expect Ana to trust him again. Even so, when he heard those words come out of her mouth, it was like someone ripped his heart right out of his chest. Ana had begged him to forgive himself, but he wasn't sure he could ever do that. He did promise her that he would not let his kids down. No matter what it took, he would do everything in his power to be the best father possible. Ana insisted that she wanted them to have a friendly divorce. She wanted them to be the kind of parents who put their children first, even though they would no longer be together. She said it was important that the children not be forced to choose – that they could still celebrate birthdays and holidays together. After all, even though they would no longer be married, their children ensured that they would always be a family. They would make it work.

They negotiated the divorce settlement and filed the paperwork the week after their meeting at Escala. The divorce would be final in sixty days. Ana only wanted Grey Publishing and the house on the Sound, as it would be less disruptive than moving the children. Christian knew she never wanted his money, but he insisted on a generous cash settlement, despite Ana's protests. He needed to know she would always be taken care of. He had set up trust funds for the children when they were born, so that was not a consideration. They would share custody and all decisions regarding the children would be made together.

For his part, Christian tore out the playroom at Escala and put it on the market. He moved to a suite at the Fairmont Hotel, needing to be away from the torturous memories the apartment held. He bought a house on the Sound and Elliott was handling the remodel. It was about two miles from the house he used to call home. He desperately wanted to be closer to the kids and able to participate in their daily lives as much as possible. Since making the decision to divorce, Christian and Ana had met frequently. At first these meetings were to explain the situation to the children and then to determine the settlement, housing and visitation issues. More recently, it was to try to rebuild their relationship - as friends. While Christian desperately wished he could turn back the clock and still have his family together, he meant what he said nearly eight years before – he would take Ana any way he could get her. If that was as a friend, so be it, though he wasn't sure he'd ever be able to give up trying to win her heart again.

For Ana, the last few months felt like a nightmare, a nightmare she would never wake from. It took every bit of strength that she had to ask Christian for a divorce and it broke her heart. He was the love of her life, but she couldn't stay in a marriage where she couldn't trust her husband. That night at Escala, as she was about to leave, Christian grabbed her and took her face in his hands. She would never forget that moment; it had haunted her for the last month.

"Ana, I understand why you have to do this, but please let me kiss my wife one last time. I know that soon you won't be that anymore and I need to feel that connection one last time." That kiss was every bit as passionate as the first kiss they ever shared. She had no idea how long it lasted, but they poured every ounce of love they had for each other into that kiss. They were both breathless when they broke apart and it took all of her will power to say goodbye and not lead him to the bedroom and try to forget about this mess they were in. That was one month ago and they had spent the last thirty days working out details of the divorce and trying to move forward as friends. They were too much a part of one another to let bitterness and regret dictate their future. She would not let them become that couple who could not stand to be in the same room together. They would always love each other and she was determined they would forge a new path as friends.

This evening, Ana was attending her first major public event in four months. She served on the board of the Washington State Literacy Council and tonight was their annual fundraising gala. Ana was presenting an award to Bryce Fox, one of the first authors she signed on, so she had to attend. Over the last few months, Kate had been relentless in assuring that Ana did not look some poor, pathetic woman wandering around Seattle in the face of her husband's infidelity. They went for weekly manicures and pedicures, had regular hair appointments and facials together and started taking an outdoor yoga class. Frankly, she was more fit and better groomed than ever. When Ana mentioned tonight's gala, Kate insisted on accompanying her to buy the perfect dress and made an appointment for her to have her hair and make-up done. Ana had to admit, she looked pretty good for a woman going through the worst time of her life. She decided on a one-shoulder silver beaded gown with a high slit up the side and coordinating Louboutin heels. The event was being held at the Fairmont, so she had arranged to meet Christian in the bar for a drink beforehand. Since this was her first major solo event, she felt like she needed a bit of reassurance.

Christian stood as soon as she walked into the bar and she swore he looked like a thirsty man in a desert and she was a pond of water.

"Ana, you look amazing, absolutely stunning."

"Christian you are way too kind and you know flattery will get you nowhere."

"A man can always hope, Anastatia."

"How was your day, Christian?"

"Better now that you are here."

"I am trying to be serious here."

"Don't ever doubt my sincerity where you are concerned, Ana. Would you like some wine?"

"Thank you. How is the house coming along?"

"Good, Elliott says it should be ready in about a month."

"Great. The kids are so excited that you'll be so close."

"Yes, I'm looking forward to that too, more than you know."

"Will you still be able to attend Teddy's soccer game on Friday?"

"I wouldn't miss it. I was hoping maybe we could all go for pizza after."

"Sounds great. I better get to the ballroom. Wish me luck."

"Good luck, Ana. Enjoy your evening."

"Thanks, you too. See you on Friday."

With that, Christian stood to kiss her cheek and she was off to the gala.

She mingled at the reception and then headed off to find her table for the dinner. She was seated with Bryce Fox and his wife, as well as two other up and coming authors and their spouses. She panicked slightly when she noticed the seat next to her was empty thinking the Council had saved a seat for Christian. The panic was eased when Eric Allen, the former quarterback of the Seattle Seahawks took the seat. Ana had met him a few years back at a charity event, but she, like the rest of the world, knew his tragic story all too well. Eric was about 6'3, muscular as can be, with dark hair, olive skin and the most piercing blue eyes she had ever seen. To say that he was just good looking would be like saying Christian was kind of wealthy. He was gorgeous and he had the kindest of hearts to match. Ana wondered what he was doing here. Maybe tonight would prove more interesting than she expected.

_**The Fifty Shades Trilogy belongs to E.L. James**_


	6. Chapter 6 - Meet Eric Allen

A/N: Just a short chapter to get the ball rolling…

Eric Allen was a living legend throughout the nation. He was a Heisman Trophy winner in college and a first round draft pick in the NFL. An all-star quarterback, he carried the New England Patriots to two Super Bowl victories after Tom Brady retired and then came back home to play for the Seattle Seahawks. The Seahawks won three Super Bowls while Eric was quarterback and then he retired at 29 to spend time with his beautiful wife during the last few months of her life. It was a tragic story that played out on the covers of every magazine and newspaper in the nation. Eric and Kristin met their sophomore year of college and married after his first year playing for the Patriots.

They were a striking young couple, so much in love and so full of life. Their son Eli was born two years after they were married and Kristin was six months pregnant with their daughter Claire when she discoverd a lump in her breast. She was diagnosed with stage 3 breast cancer. Kristin underwent a double mastectomy during her pregnancy, but chose to hold off on treatments until the baby was born. By that time, the cancer had spread to her lymph nodes. Kristin underwent various chemo and radiation treatments and even had a bone marrow transplant. She did everything she could to live. She was barely able to enjoy her daughter and died when she was just two years old.

It was a tragedy that had played out over and over in the press. Eric announced that he would not return to football, but instead would raise his children and join the family business. His father was a commercial real estate tycoon who developed several major projects in Seattle, Las Vegas, San Diego and Napa. He wasn't quite Christian Grey wealthy, but he wasn't too far behind. Christian had done business with Eric's father and Ana and Christian had attended Kristin's memorial two years ago. Since her death, Eric had worked tirelessly raising money for breast cancer research and awareness, but was rarely seen in public, expect on everyday outings with his children. He was an all around good guy who was finally ready to move forward.

_**E.L. James owns the Fifty Shades Trilogy. **_


	7. Chapter 7 - Adjusting to Change

_**A/N: Thank you again for all of the reviews, favorites, alerts and PM's. I really appreciate all of the support and feedback. A couple of reviewers have questioned whether or not this is a Christian and Ana story. Let me assure you, Christian will be a part of the entire story. The tale between these two is far from over, but as previously noted, there will be many twists and turns.**_

When Eric joined the table, everyone introduced themselves and the conversation flowed freely. One of the other authors at the table mentioned that he had just completed a book about teaching good sportsmanship to kids. Eric was so impressed with the idea that he offered to help promote the book. He also mentioned that he was considering writing an autobiography and dividing all of the proceeds amongst his favorite charities. He was meeting with several publishing houses in the coming weeks to discuss the idea, including Grey Publishing. Ana could tell he was a good guy with a good heart. All in all, the evening was fairly enjoyable and she managed to get through it on her own, something she never thought she would have to do.

As she was about ready to call Sawyer to bring the car around, she realized she had a text from Christian.

"How did it go?"

She quickly typed her reply.

"Better than expected. I'm about to head home."

"Do you want to come up for a drink?"

"I think I better pass, Mr. Grey. See you on Friday at the soccer field."

"I wouldn't miss it."

Ana smiled and then a wave of sadness encompassed her once again as she thought to herself. "Oh why did you have to ruin everything, Christian?"

The rest of the week went by quickly. It was Friday night and Christian was at the soccer field waiting when Ana and the kids arrived. The kids ran to greet their father and Christian greeted Ana with a kiss on her cheek. It felt like them. It felt so normal and right, yet it wasn't. After the game, they headed to Gino's, their favorite pizza place. Soon after they ordered, Teddy asked if he could play video games and Phoebe followed to watch. Christian and Ana were left in awkward silence until Christian finally spoke.

"I'd give anything to know what you are thinking right now, Ana."

"I'm thinking that I'd give anything to have the last six months of our lives back."

"I wake up with that same thought every single day."

"I hate this Christian. This isn't how things are supposed to be."

"I know, Ana. I know. I would give anything….I… I would give up everything that I have to make things right again."

"I wish there was something we could do to make it right."

"I love you, Ana. You are the only woman I will ever love. "

"Oh Christian, I only wish that love was enough."

"Tell me what I can do, Ana. Please tell me what I can do. I don't know if I can do this _friends_ bullshit. I miss my wife. I am in hell without you. I am living in hell."

Before Ana could reply they were interrupted by the kids' return and soon the waitress was bringing the pizza. Christian caught Ana's eye and mouthed "later," she nodded in agreement and they went on with dinner. After dinner, the kids asked if Christian could come back to the house and read them a bedtime story. Christian looked to Ana for an answer and she told him he was welcome to join them.

After Christian and Ana put the kids to bed, they headed down to the family room to talk. Christian started a fire while Ana got a bottle of wine. Christian watched Ana nervously, as she stared at the fire.

"Ana, I don't know how to do this. I just don't know how to live without you. I don't think that I can live without you. You are my lifeline."

"Christian, stop. Just stop. How can you do this to me now? We agreed. We agreed we would move forward as friends."

"Damn it, Ana! I don't know how to be your friend. I don't want to just be your fucking friend."

As tears stream down both of their faces, Ana stands up, walks toward the fire, takes a deep breath and turns to face Christian once again.

"Christian, you did this. You ruined us. Your relentless need to control everything and everyone around you and your inability to keep your fucking dick in your pants caused this mess. Have you ever once taken the time to think about how you would feel if the roles were reversed? Just imagine you woke up after a night of glorious sex with me to find pictures splattered across the Internet and every newspaper in the country of me giving some random man a blow job! Jesus, Christian! I was at the hospital with our sick daughter! Put yourself in my shoes...then imagine spending countless hours in therapy to learn your spouse, who you love so much it hurts, physically hurts, did this because he couldn't control you. He was so frustrated by his inability to control you that he had to go beat another woman so he didn't hurt you. Oh, and he got a couple of blow jobs out of the deal too, because a 6'2, 185 pound man was assaulted by a 125 pound girl! Imagine that, Christian. Imagine that you were betrayed like that and then you tell me how you could ever trust me again."

Christian tears are falling so hard he cannot respond. Ana sits back down and turns to face him.

"Look Christian, I am not trying to make you feel worse by rehashing all of this; I am just trying to get you to see things from my perspective. I just don't know how we can possibly overcome this. I just don't see how it's possible."

"Ana, God Ana, I know. I know I fucked everything up. Please, please just give a chance to change, a chance to really change. We are meant to be together, Ana. You are my more, my love, my life. You always will be. Ana, we need each other. I need you. I need our family."

"Christian, I...I."

"Shhh...no words."

He grabs her face and brings his lips to hers. She can't seem to resist him. Does she want to resist him? The kiss is full of longing, passion, urgency and love.

E.L. James owns the Fifty Shades Trilogy


	8. Chapter 8 - Where the problems lie

As the kiss deepened, Ana instinctively ran her hands through Christian's hair. Then, in a stunning moment of clarity, she pulled away.

"Christian! No! Don't do this. Stop! We can't do this."

"Ana, baby, please. I know you want this. I can tell you want this."

"Christian, our problems have never been in the bedroom...and they certainly can't be solved there. Not this time."

"I'm sorry, you're right. Ana I just don't know how to do this...how to function without you."

"I understand. It's going to take time for all of us to adjust."

"Ana look, I know I have no right to ask this, but would you consider pulling the divorce papers and moving to a legal separation? I mean are you 100% sure you want a divorce, because I know I don't, but if that is what you want, I won't fight it."

Christian, I don't know what in the hell I want anymore. Everything is such a mess right now. I just don't know. The issue is trust. I don't know how I will ever trust you again."

"Ana, I am seeing John five days a week. I am working on my issues, please believe me."

"Christian, I know that you are comfortable with John, but I really think you should consider seeing someone else. I just think in many ways you and John are too comfortable with one another and that maybe your friendship sometimes blurs the lines. I just think it may be time for a new perspective."

"Ana, if seeing someone else will make you happy, I will do it."

"This isn't about my happiness. This is about you figuring out your need for control and finding a different outlet when you feel out of control. You can't continue this way. It has to change - you have to change, Christian."

"Ana, I will change, please just give me a chance to do that. Maybe I can go to the doctor that you've been seeing."

"I don't think that is a good idea. I think we need some boundaries. I am sure either Flynn or Dr. Martin could refer you someone though."

"Okay, but please can we try a legal separation for now. You would still have all the same things, just not the permanence of a divorce. Please, Ana."

"I don't think the papers have been filed yet. I will call Roger on Monday and see if they can amend them. But nothing changes. Do you understand that?"

"I understand. Thank you, Ana."

"Christian, this does not mean we are back together or that we are getting back together. I am still not sure if I will ever be able to trust you. I want to keep my options open."

"What do you mean keep your options open?"

"I mean exactly what I said. I still don't know if we can work this out. We will stay separated as if we are divorcing, without the paperwork - for now."

"Ana, do you even want to work this out? It sounds like you want to keep your options open in case you meet someone new. What is this about? Have you met someone already?"

"How dare you! I have been nothing but faithful to you for nearly eight years! We are at this junction because of you. Don't you dare try to turn the tables on me!"

"Ana, I am sorry. That is not what I intended to do. It...it's just hearing you talk about keeping your options open...I mean, the thought of you with someone else makes me feel like my heart is being ripped out of my chest."

"Christian, right now dating is the farthest thing from my mind. I don't know if I will feel like that forever, but it is certainly not on list of priorities right now. Look, let's amend the paperwork for now and we'll go from there. Just promise me you'll seek out another therapist, at least a second opinion. "

"Of course, Ana. I am willing to do anything, anything that might save our marriage."

"Okay, look its late. You should go."

"Alright, I will still pick up the kids on Sunday to take them to see my parents."

"Of course, we'll see you on Sunday."

"Goodnight, Ana. Thank you. I promise I will do everything I can to make this work. I love you so much."

"Goodnight, Christian. I love you too. No matter what happens, I love you."

As she struggled to fall asleep, Ana wondered if she made the right decision. Was she ready to end her marriage and let go of Christian forever? She still had so much love in her heart for him and that kiss tonight proved that the sexual attraction between the two was as strong as ever, but would she ever be able to trust him again? Would she ever be able to get over the humiliation his action had caused?

Christian shocked her when he insinuated that she wanted to meet someone new. Does she? The thought had never really occurred to her before tonight. She had always assumed that her heart would belong to Christian Grey forever. Could she even open her heart to someone new or was she destined to live her life alone if they divorced? Four months of celibacy had left her yearning for contact and dependent on the many toys she and Christian had enjoyed over the years. Maybe they could eventually consider being _friends with benefits_. So many unanswered questions and she had no idea when or if she would find the answers.


	9. Chapter 9 - Change is Good

**A/N: This is a bit of a filler chapter, to explain Ana's new work project. Hope you enjoy. The Fifty Shades Trilogy belongs to E.L. James. **

As soon as she arrived at work on Monday morning, Ana had an email from Christian thanking her again for agreeing to pull the divorce papers and telling her how he will do everything in his power to earn her trust back. She only hoped she was doing the right thing. One thing she was sure of is that Kate would not be supportive of her decision to hold off on the divorce. Kate never missed an opportunity to point out that Christian's actions were unforgivable and he deserved to "rot in hell." Of course, Kate wasn't aware of the years in hell Christian had already endured and Ana wasn't about to share that information with anyone.

Later that afternoon, Ana was buzzed by one of her editors asking if she had time to meet with Eric Allen, who was in to discuss working with Grey Publishing on his autobiography. Ana agreed, as she had enjoyed getting to know him better during last week's gala. When the non-fiction editor brought Eric in, Ana suddenly felt her breath hitch. She stood up intending to greet him with a handshake, but was surprised when he came around and gave her a friendly embrace accompanied by a kiss on the cheek. It wasn't romantic, but merely a friendly greeting. Ana invited Eric to sit down and he asked if they could speak in private. While this surprised Ana, she nonetheless quickly agreed and told Lisa, the non-fiction editor, she would call her if they needed her assistance.

Eric apologized for putting her on the spot and quickly explained that he would like to work with Grey Publishing, but he had one condition. He wanted Ana to be his shadow editor. In an effort to branch out and lure more autobiographies, Ana had established a "Shadow Editor" program in which established editors work with individuals writing their autobiographies from inception to completion; often attending family and other important events to gain perspective on what to include in the book. The program had been extremely successful to date and having Eric Allen sign onto the program would be a major coup. She carefully planned her words before speaking, as she most definitely did not want to lose this deal.

"Eric, I am flattered, but why do you want me? I've never actively participated as a shadow editor and I can assure you Lisa is more than qualified."

"Look, Ana...I am just such a private person. While I have been approached many times over the years about writing an autobiography, it never really interested me."

"I don't understand, then why now? I hope you don't mind my asking."

"I don't mind at all. Honestly, my therapist recommended it. She thinks it will be a cathartic experience that will help move on from Kristin's death. Plus, I get to help a couple of great charities in the process. The thought scares the hell out me though, which is why I want you as my editor."

"I guess that is part I am still not getting."

"Look Ana, I read the papers, watch the news. I know what you've been going through these last few months. For what it is worth, I am sorry. You certainly don't seem like someone who deserves half of the stuff that has been thrown at you. My point is that you know what it is like to live under a microscope; to be exploited and have everything you say or do analyzed. In that regard, we are very much alike. I want to tell my story the right way. I want to make sure my kids are not exploited and that the book remains true to who I am and to who Kristin was. I owe her that much. I am convinced you are the person to help me accomplish that. Please say you'll do this Ana. I think we would work well together and we may each gain a friend out of the deal. What do you say?"

"Wow. I am truly honored. I have missed hands on editing and I suppose focusing on your life for a while may help me forget certain parts of mine."

"Great, so we have deal?"

"We have a deal, Mr. Allen. I will get a contract over to you tomorrow morning and maybe we can meet later this week to develop a timeline."

"Please, call me Eric. How about lunch on Thursday?"

"Perfect."

"Great. I will pick you up at noon."

"I will see you then. You won't regret signing with Grey Publishing. Your book will be phenomenal."

"I have no doubt it will. You have my complete confidence."

With that, they shook hands and Ana walked Eric Allen to the elevator. She headed back to her office with a huge grin on her face. Change is good. It would be nice to focus on something new, something to take her mind off her own problems for a while. The hell she has gone through these last four months is nothing compared to the hell Eric Allen has experienced. Yet, she thought to herself, he still seems so poised and confident. Hopefully, one day soon, she would feel that way again too.

The following day, Ana met with Kate for lunch and their weekly pani/pedi session. As expected, Kate went ballistic on Ana for pulling the divorce papers and sticking with a legal separation.

"Ana, I just don't get it. What he did is unforgiveable. How can you even consider taking him back?"

"Kate, I'm not taking him back, at least not now and maybe not ever. He needs to work on himself right now and I owe it to myself and to my kids to see if we can make it after he does that. I know that you have never been Christian's biggest fan, but I do love him. God knows I wish sometimes that I didn't, but I do and I'm not sure that will ever change. That being said, I still don't know if I will ever be able to trust him again. He asked me to hold off on the divorce to give him some time to work on his issues and I agreed to do that, but I never promised to take him back. Christian understands that a divorce is still a very real possibility. We are by no means back together at this point."

"Okay, Ana. Just promise me that you won't just give in and let him back into your life."

"Kate, I'm not giving in. I am just agreeing to hold off on the divorce for the time being."

"Look Ana, no matter what you decide, you know I will support you. You are my best friend and I just don't want to see you get hurt again."

"I know Kate and I love you for that. Thank you."

"Anytime, Steele."

"Oh hey, I forgot to tell you, Grey Publishing just signed on Eric Allen. I'll be working with him to help write his autobiography."

"Wow, Steele! Way to go. That is huge. He is such an amazing guy. I mean, he is the poster child for the good guys. It is such a shame what happened to his wife. I can't believe he is going to write about all of that. He seems like a very private person. That is one book I will want to read."

"Yeah, I think he is hoping writing the book will be a cathartic experience for him to help him move on. He does seem like a great guy though."

"And very easy on the eyes too. The guy is gorgeous. I bet Mr. Control Freak will just _love_ you working with him."

"Well, Mr. Control Freak doesn't have a say in the matter."

"I wonder if he knows that yet."

"Very funny Kate, very funny. It is strictly a business relationship. I am certainly not looking for a relationship right now. "

"I know Ana, I'm just saying it might be fun to rile Christian's feathers a bit."

"Kate, believe me, that last thing I want to do right now is rile Christian's feathers."

That night, Christian called to say that he would be leaving on Thursday morning for China to deal with a major labor crisis and would be gone for at least ten days. He wanted to see if he could come by and spend time with the kids before he left. Ana invited him over for dinner the following evening. The dinner was comfortable and then Christian stayed so they could put the kids to bed together. After the kids were down, Ana asked Christian how he was doing, as they hadn't spoken much in the last few days. He looked stressed. On top of the problems in China, he said he may be losing a major deal in Latin America and had some personnel problems at headquarters. It was apparent that things were not going well at GEH. Ana was concerned about how Christian might deal with these problems and his apparent lack of control to fix them. She decided to risk asking the question that was gnawing at her mind.

"Christian, that sounds like a lot of issues that are beyond your control. Are you okay? I…I mean personally, how are you dealing with all of this on top of our situation?"

"What in the hell are you implying, Ana?"

"I don't mean to imply anything Christian, I am just worried about you. I know that loss of control is very….difficult… for you and I wanted to make sure you are okay."

"I'm not getting a sub if that is what you are insinuating, Ana. I am dealing with things. I am still seeing Flynn practically every fucking day for Christ's sake!"

"Look Christian, I am sorry I brought it up. I'm just concerned. I wasn't trying to start a fight."

"I'm sorry. I am just on edge, but I will figure it out. I got the name of a potential new therapist from Flynn. He agreed that a second opinion could be helpful. I will call to make an appointment as soon as I get back to town."

"Good. I'm glad Flynn agreed and that you are still planning to see someone."

"Ana, I gave you my word."

"I know. I'm just glad you didn't change your mind. "

"Well, I better go. I've got an early flight."

"Okay, be safe Christian and good luck."

"Thank you, I will. I love you, Ana."

"And I love you, Christian."

He bent down to give her a chaste kiss on the lips and then he was gone. Ana didn't even get the chance to tell him about her new project. Oh well, she could fill him in on the details when he returned.

The rest of the week went by quickly, as Ana was busy with the kids, her CEO duties at Grey Publishing and trying to get a handle on shadowing Eric Allen. Their lunch on Thursday went well. They were able to establish a four month timeline, which should get them to the starting point of the first draft of the book. During those four months, Ana would accompany Eric to various family and work functions to get a feel for his relationships and demeanor. This would help them to establish a rapport with one another and determine what to include in the first draft. They would also meet multiple times to discuss Eric's childhood, education and football career; as well as his relationships with his family, friends, teammates and coworkers. Ana had to admit she was looking forward to working with Eric.


	10. Chapter 10 - My Own Worst Enemy

A/N: By popular request, here is a Christian POV. Enjoy!

As Christian sat alone in his hotel room in Taiwan, he found himself lost in his thoughts once again. This seemed to be happening all too frequently lately. He thought about how fucked up his life had become and how he had no one to blame but himself. A year ago, he had everything a man could ever want; a beautiful wife, a happy marriage, two great kids, an amazing sex life and a successful business empire. Today, he had none of that within his reach. Admittedly, his business was still quite successful, but even he knew he was off his game. His marriage and reputation were in ruins. His entire family was horrified, embarrassed and hurt by the hideous choices he had made and his very public fall from grace.

No one had to remind him of his stupidity, for he was haunted by his actions every single night. His old nightmares, which all but disappeared when Ana came into his life, were replaced by images of Ana's tear stained face and her hoarse voice the night she asked him for a divorce. That night at Escala was, without a doubt, the worst night of his life. He truly felt as though he had died inside. Ana was the only woman he would ever love; of that he was certain beyond a shadow of doubt. She was his soul mate and without her it was difficult to find the will to go on. If it hadn't been for his children and his own issues with abandonment, he may have given up on his own life that very night. Thank God he didn't take things that far, as last Friday, he discovered there may still be a sliver of hope that his marriage could be saved. When he and Ana kissed that night, the same passion and electricity that had always been present was still there. He felt like he was brought back from the dead and he could tell Ana was affected too. When Ana agreed to pull the divorce papers and remain legally separated, he was beyond elated. It gave him a new purpose - to save his marriage - which he had believed to be all but over.

Later that night, when Ana suggested he see another therapist, it threw him for a loop. Of course, he eagerly agreed, willing to do anything that might help convince her to take him back. Then doubt started to creep in. Throughout his teens and early twenties, he had seen so many different therapists, psychiatrists, psychologists, behavior specialists, etc., you name it and he had seen them. Unfortunately, it was a waste of time. None of them really understood him- his darkness, his need for control. No one understood until Flynn. Christian was comfortable with Flynn, as he understood Christian's need for control and never tried to change him, but instead helped him to better understand himself. He also felt like Flynn was the first therapist who did not judge him. He never had to explain why he only had the subs before Ana; Flynn understood it was his way of maintaining control and keeping his emotions at bay. Would he be able to open himself up to someone else again? Did he really want to put all that old shit back into his head?

Ana insists that he needs to find a new outlet for his control issues and he knows that is true, but he wasn't sure he could face opening all of his old wounds up again. Frankly, he was afraid another doctor might tell him he was fighting a losing battle, that he can't be fixed. When he had spoken to Flynn about the issue earlier in the week, he said that a second opinion couldn't hurt, though he was sure Flynn was a bit put off by the idea. He is also probably worried about losing Christian as a patient, as he was likely single handily putting his kids through college.

Finally, Christian's thoughts drifted to last night when he went to the house to say goodbye to the kids. Ana seemed off, like her mind was somewhere else. When he was honest with her about his business problems, she seemed genuinely concerned, but also afraid of how he was dealing with so much being out of his control. He honestly hadn't thought about it much until that conversation, now it was all he could think about. His entire life is spiraling out of control. Most days, he felt like he was on an express train to hell without any remaining stops. Suddenly, he remembered his first few trips to Taiwan so many years ago. BDSM was a fairly common practice in China and there were some great clubs around Taiwan. In his early days as a Dominant, he would regularly visit the clubs to learn new bondage techniques and try out their wide assortment of canes and other "implements" . The Taiwanese girls liked it rough and he was only too happy to comply. Damn, that seemed like a lifetime ago. It was a time when he had complete control over everything in his life; his business, his relationships, his sex life and his emotions. No one could hurt him and he didn't hurt anyone else, at least not emotionally. Life was about hard and soft limits, rewards and punishments, pleasure and pain. Then Ana came into his life and turned his world upside down and he wouldn't change that for the world.

He decided to try calling her. He knew the kids would already be in bed, but checking on them and hearing her voice always made him feel better. He was a bit shocked when Gail picked up the phone, as she is usually long off duty by this time of night.

"Grey residence."

"Oh… Gail. Good evening, ugh is Ana around?"

"Good evening, Mr. Grey. I'm sorry. Mrs. Grey is at a work function this evening. She said she shouldn't be too late. The children are already asleep. Would you like me to have Mrs. Grey call you when she returns home?"

"No, that won't be necessary. No need to tell her I called. I'll just try back tomorrow when the children are awake."

"Alright, Mr. Grey. Goodnight."

"Goodnight, Gail."

As Christian hung up the phone, he had a very uneasy feeling about Ana. He decided to call Sawyer for an update.

"Mr. Grey. Is there something I can do for you?"

"Sawyer, I understand that Mrs. Grey is attending a work function this evening. Are you with her right now?"

"Yes, Mr. Grey. I am outside the restaurant. Is there a problem?"

"Is Mrs. Grey with a large group?"

"Ugh..No sir."

"Who is she with, Sawyer?"

"I believe it is just Mrs. Gray and Mr. Allen in the meeting, sir."

"Mr. Allen? Ana is meeting with Mark Allen?"

"No sir. Mrs. Grey is having a business dinner with his son, Eric Allen."

"I see. Thank you, Sawyer. There is no need to tell Mrs. Grey I called, understood? I will speak with her tomorrow."

"Yes, sir."

Christian threw his phone done and swiped everything off the table in front of him_. _

_What in the fuck was Ana doing with Eric Allen?_

Needing to clear his head, Christian headed out of his suite in search of a distraction.

_The Fifty Shades Trilogy belongs to E. L. James. I am just having a little fun with the characters._


	11. Chapter 11 - Miss me?

**A/N: Hi everyone. Thank you again for all of the follows, favorites, reviews and PM's. You guys are the best! We flash forward a couple of weeks in this chapter. Several of you had questions about the timing of the separation. At this point in the story, Christian and Ana have been legally separated for about five months. Hope that helps. Enjoy.  
**

_**Two weeks later...  
**_  
**Christian POV**

Christian is finally headed home after sixteen days in China and India. Thankfully, the trip was productive. Things are finally looking up - at least on the business front. Over the past two weeks, Christian had spoken with his children regularly via phone and Skype, but had avoided any type of lengthy conversations with Ana. He did not want to have a conversation with her about Eric Allen over the phone. He was afraid he would get angry and push her even further away. He was even more afraid of what he might out was going on between the two.

He thought back to the evening nearly two weeks ago when he found out his wife was having dinner with the "American Prince" and all around fucking good guy, Eric Allen. He destroyed several things in his hotel room and then headed out into the Taiwan nightlife in search of a distraction, something to clear his mind. He found himself at a BDSM club he used to frequent. When he went into the club, he discovered not much had changed over the years. He spoke with the concierge and told him what kind of girl he was looking for and what type of implements he would like in the room. As he headed to the bar for a drink while he waited, he was suddenly wracked with feelings of guilt and shame. He closed his eyes briefly and saw Ana's face in the playroom on the day she left him so many years before. He swore he could hear her voice screaming at him.

_"This is what you really like? Me, like this? Well you are one fucked-up son of a bitch! You need to sort your shit out, Grey!"_ Then he remembered their conversation the night before he left for Taiwan. _"I know loss of control is very difficult for you. I am just concerned."_ He promptly turned and walked out of the club. He couldn't let Ana down again. She was right; he needed to find another way to deal with his control issues and subs were no longer an option - not if he ever hoped to win his wife's trust back. He made up his mind then and there that he would change; for Ana, he would change.

As he sat on the plane, his thoughts drifted back to Eric Allen. He still didn't know the real reason behind their so called "business" dinner, but he would find out soon enough. Sawyer had been insistent that it was a business meeting, but Christian couldn't shake the nagging feeling that it was something more. He decided to hire an undercover investigator to follow Ana. In the sixteen days since he had left Seattle, Ana had been with Mr. Jock Extraordinaire on seven separate occasions. Usually they met at Grey Publishing, but there were lunches and a couple of dinners too. Something was definitely not right and Christian did not like it one bit.

**Ana POV**

As Ana sat in her office, her mind drifted as she recalled the last couple of weeks. Christian was returning from China today and he wanted to see the children this evening. The children couldn't wait to see their father, but Ana was a bit apprehensive about seeing Christian. They had rarely spoken during his trip and when they had, he seemed very distant. At first, she chalked it up to distance and frustration with their current situation, but this last week she began to feel like it was more than that. She thought back to their last conversation before he left and her genuine concern for how he was dealing with so many aspects of his life spinning out of his control. Ana could sense that something was bothering Christian, but whether or not he would confide in her was another issue entirely.

Ana had been concerned about Christian's trip since the moment he left. She wasn't concerned about the trip itself; but it was the longest trip he had taken since they were married, nearly eight years ago. It would also be the longest he had gone without seeing Flynn since their honeymoon. How would he cope? Had he contacted the new psychiatrist to schedule an appointment? She was worried about him. No matter the fragile state of their marriage, she loved him and she would always care about his welfare.

However, she had to admit, these last couple of weeks had been liberating. She felt like she actually had control of her own life for the first time in years - it was exhilarating! She could come and go as she pleased, take the children to places Christian would never approve of - like the park and Chuck E. Cheese - and not have to worry about a fight over such normal, everyday events. She was thoroughly enjoying this new taste of freedom and she wasn't if she would be willing to give it up anytime soon. At the same time, she desperately missed Christian, his voice, his laugh, his touch. If she didn't know better, she would swear she was going through the stages of grief. She wondered how you could be grieving something you hadn't really lost yet. The uncertainty of whether or not her marriage would survive was the hardest part of all. Ana felt like she was living in limbo, with no endgame in sight. The feeling was unsettling to say the least.

Thankfully, things at work were going great and she was thoroughly enjoying getting to know Eric Allen. Eric was so kind and compassionate. He was incredibly open and easy to talk to and Ana found that he was quickly becoming a close friend. As they talked about his life, in preparation for the book, Ana found herself willingly sharing her own intimate experiences with Eric. It felt comfortable and natural, she felt like she could truly be herself with him and that she could trust him completely. It was a refreshing change of pace.

As she gathered her things to go home for the evening, she suddenly felt apprehensive. She wondered if Christian had been thinking of her, if he still wanted to save their marriage. If they did decide to try again, would she be able to go back to the same life? Suddenly, she was exhausted. She wasn't sure she could face the freight train that was her estranged husband, Christian Grey. When Sawyer pulled through the gates, she realized that Christian had already arrived. She found him in the family room wrestling with the kids on the floor. They looked so happy and everything seemed so normal, so right. If only things were really as they seemed, she thought. In that moment, Christian caught her eye. He swiftly moved from the floor, gathered her in his arms and kissed her deeply. Ana was taken aback, unsure how to react. When she recovered her bearings and looked up, she saw that his eyes were clouded with uncertainty and maybe sadness. He smiled his beautiful smile and whispered softly in her ear. "Miss me?"


	12. Chapter 12 - Moving forward?

"Oh, Christian. You know that I always miss you when we are apart. I...I've been so worried about you these past couple of weeks. You've just seemed so distant. I hate not knowing if you are okay. I worry about you."

"Ana, I am fine the trip was productive. Business is going much better and I was able to accomplish what I needed to get done and now I am back. I really missed you and the kids."

"Well, we missed you too. I'm glad that things went well. I…I just worry about how you are dealing with all of this added stress on top of our situation."

"Ana, I don't need your fucking pity or your worry. I can take care of myself."

"Christian, I'm sorry. I really am. I certainly wasn't trying to upset you. I just want to make sure you are okay. We both know how difficult it is for you when things are out of your control."

"What in the hell is that supposed to mean, Ana? You think I took on another sub? What exactly are you trying to insinuate?"

_**Well, you were in that club in Taiwan ready to go, weren't you Grey? Looks like she knows you better than you thought.**_

"No Christian. I just don't know where we stand right now and I'm not sure how much more this state of limbo I can take."

"What in the hell do you mean you don't know where we stand? Ana we agreed to try to save our marriage. You agreed to stop the divorce."

"No Christian, I agreed to pull the divorce papers and stick with the legal separation - for now."

When Christian started to speak again, Ana raised her had to stop them and continued speaking.

"I agreed on the condition that you seek out help from a psychiatrist other than Flynn and see if you can conquer these demons you have once and for all, because if you can't, there is no hope for us."

Ana could see the coldness in Christian's eyes when he began to speak again.

"What the fuck, Ana? I thought we were both committed to trying here. I want you back. I want my family back. Why does it suddenly feel like you have a different agenda?"

"Christian, I want that too. I miss you so much, but I just don't know if we can ever get back to how we were. You have to deal with your issues once and for all and then we can figure out if we stand a chance."

_Please, Christian. Do this for you – and for us, Ana thought to herself. _

"Ana, I will call the doctor that Flynn recommended this week. You have my word. I just don't know how to do this. Not being with you and the kids everyday is killing me. I just want to come home. I never meant to hurt you, please believe me. I would do anything to take it all back. I just want you. I can't survive without you, without our family."

"Christian, you need to focus on your issues right now. You have to deal with this constant need for control that you have and this penchant for beating pretty little brown haired girls. I can't go through this again. You have got to sort your shit out!"

"God damn it, Ana! I said I would fucking call the doctor. What more do you want me to do?"

"I want you to do more than call the doctor. I want you to want to change. I want you to see what the problems are and to be committed to working toward a solution that doesn't include fucking or beating anyone!"

"Ana…I…I need to know if I am alone in fighting for us, for our marriage. Because right now It certainly doesn't seem like you hold out much hope for us working things out."

"Christian, I...I don't know what to say. I know that if I am ever going to be able to trust you again, you have to find alternative coping mechanisms. And if you can't, I don't think we can be together."

"Jesus, Ana. I came home thinking we were trying to work things out and now I am not so sure there is anything I do can make that happen. Does this change in attitude have anything to do with all of your little lunch and dinners with Eric Allen?"

"What in the hell are you talking about, Christian?"

"Ana, I know you've been seeing him multiple times a week. Is there something going on between the two of you? Are you sleeping with him?"

Ana was livid that Christian would accuse her of such a thing.

"I cannot believe you are standing here accusing me of sleeping with Eric Allen. We are working together. He has selected Grey Publishing as the publishing house for his autobiography. I am serving as his shadow editor. He is a good and decent man, Christian. He is writing his book in the hopes that it will help him get over his wife's death, so I doubt he is concerned with sleeping with anyone right now. NOT EVERY MAN THINKS WITH HIS FUCKING PENIS AND THANK YOU FOR THAT SHOW OF FAITH IN ME. UNLIKE YOU, SOME PEOPLE CAN CONTROL THEMSELVES WITH MEMBERS OF THE OPPOSITE SEX!"

"What in the hell is that supposed to mean? You are certainly very passionate is your defense of him."

"It means exactly what I said. You just couldn't resist your little fucking sub when she dropped to her knees to pleasure you. Eric has nothing to do with our issues, Christian. You brought those on all by yourself with your little contract with Nina."

"I thought we were done with this discussion. I've apologized over and over. I don't what else I can do."

"Get the help that you need for your issues, Christian. Please just get the help that you need."

"Ana, it is not like I have an addiction. I will see the doctor, but I can't imagine that she will be any more helpful than Flynn."

"Look I love Flynn as a friend, but if he was really helping you, we wouldn't be in this mess right now."

"What do you intend to do in the meantime, Ana? It certainly sounds like there is more to your relationship with Eric Allen than just a work association."

"We've spent a lot of time getting to know each other over the last couple of weeks. He is becoming a good friend. That is all there is to it."

"That sounds like a lot more than a professional relationship. Don't you think that is a little inappropriate?"

"How dare you! How dare you question my morals after all you have done! We have been legally separated for nearly six months. I am free to be friends or more with whomever I damn well choose."

"Is that what you want? Do you want your freedom, Ana?"

"Christian, we had an agreement. You need to follow up on your end of the deal. Get help, Christian. Please get the help that you need."

"And what happens in the meantime?"

"In the meantime, we keep our options open."

"What do you mean by that?"

"As I've said, I don't know if we can make our marriage work, but we can't even begin to try until you start working on things on your end. In the meantime, I think we need to take a step back from one another. Impose some boundaries. I won't interfere with your time with the kids. You are a wonderful father and I want you in their lives as much as possible. As for us, I think maybe we were trying too hard to force a friendship. I think we need to give each other the space that we both need while we both work through our individual issues."

"So you don't want to see me at all?"

"We have two children, of course we will see each other, but I think we need some distance right now."

Christian has tears streaming down his face as he looks to Ana.

"Ana, I...I love you so much. I don't want any more distance. I want us back together."

"Christian, I can't promise you anything right now. We both need to focus on Teddy and Phoebe and our own issues for the time being."

"Do you want to be with someone else? Is that what this is about?"

"Christian, right now dating is the furthest thing from my mind. I have no idea how this is all going to work out. As I said, I would like to keep my options open. It's getting late and we are talking in circles. We both have to work tomorrow, you should probably go now."

"I love you, Ana. Please know that I will do everything in my power to make things right between us."

"I love you too, Christian. I will always love you."

"Goodnight, Baby."

"Goodnight, Christian."

The next few weeks were a blur. Grey Publishing had three major roll-outs for highly anticipated novels that were sequels to popular, established series. Ana was overseeing the book launches, as the editor who normally covered those authors was out on maternity leave. Supervising those projects along with her normal CEO duties; as well as acting as shadow editor to Eric and trying to be a good mother to Teddy and Phoebe, left little time to dwell on the state of her marriage. Frankly, Ana was grateful for the distraction.

Much to her surprise and relief, Christian had maintained his distance and was giving her the space she had asked for. They spoke briefly or emailed about the children or security, but very little else. Ana was hesitant to ask Christian if he had followed through and seen the psychiatrist that Flynn had recommended, as she wanted to avoid another ugly confrontation like the one they had when he returned from China. She kept hoping he would share that information, since he knew how important it was to her that he sees a new therapist.

Ana cherished her time with her children and her friends during this difficult time. The Greys had all been incredibly supportive throughout the duration of her separation from Christian and for that, she was eternally grateful. They made it clear that no matter what happened between her and Christian, she would always be considered a part of their family. Kate remained her rock, but she couldn't deny that Eric was becoming an important part of her life as well. They had formed a strong bond and she truly valued his friendship and advice. Sometimes Ana felt that she needed an "outside" opinion on things and Kate's disdain for Christian made that an impossible task. Eric filled that void and more. He gave her his honest, unbiased opinions without judgment or malice. Ana always looked forward to their weekly meetings and she found herself making an extra effort to perfect her appearance on the days she would see him in person.

Kate had suggested on more than one occasion that Ana should date Eric, but she laughed it off, insisting they were just friends and nothing more. Her session with Dr. Martin this afternoon had caused her to question whether or not that was true. She couldn't stop thinking about what Dr. Martin had said.

"Ana, I find it interesting that we've been talking for nearly an hour and every time Christian's name comes up, you become tense. However, when you are talking about work and in particular your work with Eric, you visibly relax."

"No Dr. Miller, that is just not true."

"Ana, we've been working together for quite some time now and I feel confident that I have come to know you well. Trust me; you are much more at ease discussing Eric than Christian. It is as if your whole body relaxes at the mention of his name and tenses at the mention of Christian. Now obviously, part of that is very easy to understand. You are at a crossroads in your relationship with Christian and he has hurt you deeply and destroyed your trust in him. Eric, on the other hand, has become a cherished friend, at a time when you desperately need that in your life. I just feel like you are avoiding facing your feelings here."

"I am not avoiding facing my feelings. He is my friend. "

"Look Ana, you have no idea if your relationship with Christian can be repaired, if you will ever be able to trust him again. You have been apart for over six months and so far he has not demonstrated that he is making an effort to work on confronting his issues of control and domination, not to mention his sexual addictions. Much like and alcoholic or a drug addict, you can't get beat (sorry no pun intended) the addiction until you address it."

Ana nodded sadly in agreement. She had never really thought of Christian as an addict, but she remembered his words from so long ago.

_I'm like a recovering alcoholic, okay. That's the only comparison I can draw. The compulsion has gone, but I don't want to put temptation in my way. I don't want to hurt you. _

He had spoken those words to her eight years ago after they reunited and shortly before they became engaged. Clearly that compulsion had returned and he had given into temptation. She wasn't sure she would survive him doing that again. Dr. Miller was right, he needed to not only face his addictions, but overcome them if there was to be any hope for their marriage. Unfortunately, Christian didn't seem to share that sentiment.

"Ana, life with Christian is all you have ever known. You have only known intimacy with Christian. It is obvious that you still love him deeply and I know that the thought of giving up on that love is terrifying, which is perfectly understandable. What I am suggesting is that it would seem that you have a different path right in front you. Whether you choose to explore that path is entirely up to you. However, I believe that taking such a detour, if you will, may help you determine which road is worth traveling."

Ana left Dr. Miller's office in a daze, realizing that she was forcing her to confront the feelings she had been avoiding for months. Her relationship with Eric was becoming more than just a friendship. Was she prepared to explore those feelings? She felt like she was betraying Christian by even thinking about another man. Oh what should she do? Was life ever easy?

_**More twists to come. Thank you for reading! Please leave a review and tell me what you think.**_

_**The Fifty Shades Trilogy belongs to E.L. James, I am just borrowing the characters to explore a different path...passages in this chapter are from Fifty Shades Darker and belong to E.L. James. Enjoy!**_


	13. Chapter 13 - Fun Times with Dr Morris

_**The Fifty Shades Trilogy belongs to E.L. James, I'm just having fun with the characters. **_

Christian's POV

Christian couldn't stop replaying the last real conversation he had with Ana over and over again in his mind. It was just over three weeks ago, shortly after he returned from China. Ana kept pushing him about keeping his promise to see a new therapist. The conversation did not go well and they were both visibly upset when he left the house that evening. They have barely interacted since that night, only making small talk about the kids or security details when necessary. Christian felt like Ana was slipping further away and he knew that it was up to him to change things. He also knew that he had no choice but to keep his promise to see a new therapist, as his agreement to do so was the only reason she agreed to pull the divorce papers.

Still, he was hesitant to pull the trigger and see the doctor Flynn had recommended. He had done a background check on Dr. Lynn Morris. She was in her late fifties, graduated at the top of her class at Stanford Medical School and was widely regarded as an expert in the psychiatry field - particularly in the area of BDSM. She had frequently provided expert testimony in court matters related to BDSM and the psychological effects the exchange of control provides.

He had never had a therapist who specialized in BDSM and the mere thought of her picking away at his thoughts, desires, sexual preferences and tendencies had him panicked. He had been through so many therapists before Flynn and each of them tried to push a new theory, diagnosis or therapy on him - none of them were successful. Not that he had really given them a chance, but still they didn't have any insight into the real Christian, the one he kept hidden behind his calm and cool CEO demeanor. Very few people had ever had the chance to know the real Christian; perhaps only Elena, Flynn and of course, Ana.

Christian was very comfortable with Flynn and the reason was simple; he didn't dwell on Christian's sordid past. He accepted him for whom and what he was and preferred to focus on the future. Flynn was a firm advocate of Solution-Focused Brief Therapy, which focuses on determining your goals and determining a plan to accomplish them - plain and simple. Christian had brushed off this approach when Flynn first suggested it, but found it had merit as his relationship with Ana developed. It also saved him having to go through all of the shit from his past any more than was necessary.

Unfortunately, even Flynn agreed that Christian would have to dig deeper into his past to adequately address his need for control. He had no doubt that Dr. Morris would agree and the mere thought of such discussions filled him with dread. When he finally plucked up the courage to schedule an appointment with Dr. Morris, he was plagued with fear and apprehension. Meeting the doctor for the first time did little to assuage his fears. Dr. Morris was about 5'8, with blond hair, green eyes and a glare so cold it could melt away the remaining glaciers in the arctic. The last time Christian felt so intimidated was when his father called him into his study during his troublesome teen years. It was clear that this was not going to be pleasant.

"Mr. Grey, I am Dr. Morris. What a pleasure it is to finally meet you."

"Likewise, Dr. Morris. Dr. Flynn speaks quite highly of you."

"Well I am flattered. Dr. Flynn and I have consulted on a few cases over the years. He is quite impressive himself, but then I am sure you are aware of that, having been his patient for several years."

Christian nodded in agreement as the doctor continued.

"As you probably know, Dr. Flynn sent your files over several weeks ago and I have to say reviewing them has kept me quite busy. I was wondering when you might call. May I assume that your presence today indicates you are ready to move forward?"

"Well, I am here. Since you've obviously been studying my file, where do you suggest we start?"

"Why don't you tell me why you are here?"

You have my file, you know why I am here."

"Yes, I do have some history. I know what is in your file with Dr. Flynn, but I don't know why you are here to see me."

"The only reason I am here, Dr. Morris, is because my wife is convinced that I have control issues that need to be addressed."

"I see. Why do you think she feels that way?"

"I am sure you read the papers. You must know what we have been going through."

"Mr. Grey, I don't believe you are here to discuss whether or not I read the paper. I will tell you that regardless of what your wife believes, in order for us to accomplish anything together, YOU must realize that there is a problem and YOU must be willing to work towards "a solution. While your relationship with your wife may be impacted by these decisions, these sessions are not about what she wants or needs, they are about what you want and need. Why don't you tell me what led to your wife's request for you to see a new therapist?"

"Again, you've read my file, I am sure you read the papers, why do we need to rehash this?"

"Mr. Grey, I don't like to mince words or waste time. If you aren't willing to open up and discuss what brought you here, I am afraid I can't help you. The choice is yours."

"I contracted with a submissive and my wife found out and left me. I want my wife back and she insisted I see a new therapist."

"I see. So you and your wife are working on reconciliation?"

"Not exactly."

"Could you elaborate, please?"

"I begged her not to divorce me, to stick with a legal separation and possibly try reconciling. She agreed to pull the divorce papers, but only if I started seeing someone other than Flynn."

"And what does your wife think you need help with?"

"My need for control, mainly."

"Hmmm. Mainly control and what else?"

"She thinks that I believe I need the harsher aspects of BDSM because of the control it gives me."

"And how do YOU feel about that?"

"I don't believe I have a problem anymore."

"So you believe that compulsion is gone."

"Yes, absolutely."

"And why is that?"

"Because I don't want to lose my wife. I won't let it happen again."

"Hmmm...was this sub the only one you had while you were married?"

"Yes. Of course. I love my wife!"

"Yet you still risked that relationship to take on a submissive."

"It..it's complicated. Everything was so out of control. I just needed it. The contract wasn't the normal contract."

"What do you mean, not the normal contract?"

"It was only an exchange of control. It was not sexual."

"I see. So am I to understand you never had sexual relations with this woman?"

"We'll no, not exactly."

"Not exactly?"

"We never had intercourse."

"But you did other things?"

"What difference does it make? It's over. I don't need it anymore."

"Since this "relationship" is what caused your marriage to collapse, it is important to first understand the depth of betrayal in order to determine the reason you were willing to risk your marriage to engage in such behavior. That is if you want to rebuild your marriage."

"Dr. Morris that is the only reason I am here."

"Well then, please explain this relationship to me, so we can begin to understand why you needed it and why you let it go beyond the contractual limits. You said there was no intercourse, but there were other sexual acts?"

"No, well yes, yes there were. She gave performed oral sex on me a couple of times."

"And did you reciprocate in any way?"

"No! She practically forced herself on me both times. I ended our contract after the first time!"

"Let me understand, your contract was over when this happened the second time?"

"Yes."

"So you had an affair?"

"Hell no! It was in the elevator at a hotel following a charity dinner. I had hurt my hand, she offered to clean it for me and we were in the elevator and she hit the stop button and just went down on me! I didn't ask for it!"

"Yet you didn't stop it either."

"I... I think I just got lost in the moment."

"Does that happen a lot...you getting lost in the moment?"

"Fuck no! What are you playing at? I'm a Dominant for Christ's sake!"

"Yet you let this sub top from the bottom. Do you have feelings for her?"

"Of course not! I love my wife!"

"Yet, you contracted with this sub and had sexual relations with her."

"It wasn't about sex. I told you that."

"Yet you couldn't resist the temptation when it presented itself. Interesting. Tell me, we're there other sexual acts with this woman?"

Christian is fuming at this point and considers walking away altogether. When he doesn't reply, Dr. Morris rephrased the question.

"Mr. Grey, did you engage in other sexual acts with your submissive?"

"I suppose you could say that, but only occasionally and not every time."

"Can you elaborate? It is important to the overall picture. I need all of the facts in order to make an accurate diagnosis."

"I don't need a diagnosis! I am not some crazy psychopath!"

"I am sorry. I wasn't trying to imply that, but if you want my help, I need full disclosure. If you are not honest with me I won't be able to help you."

"Yes, there were some other things. I mean nothing major. We had anal sex a couple of times and I brought her to orgasm sometimes if she took her punishments well and I felt like she deserved a reward. It only happened a couple of times."

_Usually when Ana was away and there was no other option. It's not like it meant anything._

"So you don't consider anal sex to be sexual intercourse?"

"Well, I guess, but it doesn't seem as significant."

"And when you brought her to orgasm was that with a devise or with your body?"

"Both."

"Yet these acts were not to be allowed in accordance with your contract, is that correct?"

"Yes, but she asked for it, so I gave it to her."

"And why do you think that is? Why did your break the terms of your contract to _give it to her_?"

"Do you want the real reason?"

"That would be most helpful, yes."

"I was hard as a rock and she was there ready and willing to take it as rough as I could deliver it."

"So you allowed your sexual arousal and subsequent need for release to override your contract?"

"No! This woman meant nothing to me! I did not have intercourse with her!"

"You did not have vaginal intercourse, Mr. Gray. But you did have anal intercourse and oral sex."

"What does that matter? It is not the same thing."

"Again, I am trying to determine the reason for these acts."

"Not to be crass Dr. Morris, but the reason was simply so I could come."  
"I see."

"Is your wife aware of these activities?"

_Yeah right, like she'd ever consider giving me another chance if she knew. Some things are better left unsaid._

"Dr. Morris, half of the world is aware, thanks to the crooked security office who sold those elevator photos."

"Yes, that is unfortunate. I mean is your wife aware of the other sexual acts you performed on this woman."

"No."

"And do you intend to tell her?"

"No." _Are you crazy?_  
"I see."

"What does that mean? Have you formed a diagnosis already?"

"No, not quite yet. But I do believe that I have a much better grasp on what we are dealing with at this point."

"And what would that be?"

"As I said, it is really too soon to form a proper diagnosis, but it does seem that you have a very addictive personality. I'd like to meet at least weekly to explore that in more detail, which will include revisiting some of your past BDSM practices."

_How fucking dare she? After a ninety minute conversation she determines I am an addict? I am not a fucking addict!_

"I'll see if that works for my schedule."

_Yeah right, Grey. You have no fucking intention of ever coming here again. But go ahead and let her think differently."_

_**Author's Note: Thanks for reading and reviewing. **_


	14. Chapter 14 - An invitation

_**Author's Note:**_

Okay, clearly some people were very "_moved_" by the last chapter with Dr. Morris. I know that was probably unexpected, but I can tell you that I know exactly where this story will end. As I've said before, there will some significant bumps along the way. I feel very strongly that _this fan fiction Christian _needs to confront his demons once and for all and face his addiction head on. In order to get there we needed a bit more than what was first revealed about his "_relationship_" with Nina. I promise Dr. Morris will be a breath of fresh air and her vast experience with sexual addiction and BDSM will come in very handy in helping Christian deal with his problems in order to become the man he wants to be and that Ana deserves – whether Ana will still be there remains to be seen. Of course, I know the answer, but you'll have to keep reading to find out!

As you know, I own nothing. The Fifty Shades Trilogy belongs to E.L. James, just having fun with the characters and creating a few new ones to add a little life to the party. The songs included in this chapter are the property of the artists, not me. Thanks for reading.

Ana's POV

As Ana was finishing her regular Thursday meeting with Eric, her thoughts once again drifted to her last session with Dr. Martin. It had been a week since that session and since that time, Ana constantly found herself questioning whether or not she was developing feelings for Eric beyond friendship.

"Hello, earth to Ana. Are you still in there?"

"Sorry, Eric. I guess I was just lost in my thoughts."

"From the smile that was on your face, it must have been some good thoughts. Anything you want to share?"

"Ummmm, No. But thank you."

"How are things going between you and Christian? You haven't talked about him much lately."

"I suppose that is because there is nothing much to say. Things are…things are no different. It feels like we are just drifting in a sea of uncertainty these days."

"I'm sorry to hear that. I know you were hopeful things might still work out."

"I just don't know if that is possible anymore. I think it may be time for me to move on, but it's just not that simple."

"Because you still love him."

"Yes. I will always love Christian. He's my first love, the father of my children…for eight years his was the center of my universe. But now, I just don't know. I don't know that we can ever get back what we had."

"Oh, Ana. I wish I knew what I could say or do to make this better. I hate to see you in such pain."

"Eric, you've been amazing. You are such a good friend and I am so grateful for everything you've done for me these past few months. I couldn't have survived without you. Thanks for always listening to my rants."

"It's been my pleasure. I only wish I could do more. You mean the world to me and I just want to see you happy. "

_**You mean the world to me? Hmmm. Snap out of it, Ana! He is just a good guy!**_

As Ana was about to reply, she was interrupted by a knock on her door. She was surprised to see Kate.

"Hey Steele. Do you have a minute?"

"Hey, Kate. Come in, please. You know Eric Allen, right?"

"Oh, hi Eric. Ana, I am so sorry to interrupt. I had a meeting across the street and just wanted to stop in for a minute to talk about tomorrow night. Hannah isn't at her desk, so I just knocked."

"No problem, Kate. Ana and I were just finishing up anyway. I'll let you two catch up."

"Thanks, Eric. Hey, what are you doing tomorrow night?"

Ana shoots Kate a death glare, but it doesn't deter her best friend in the least.

"Elliott and I are having a karaoke party and we would love it if you could join us. It should be a really fun crowd, very casual and a lot of fun. I'm planning kind of a throw-back to our high school and college days. Please join us. You have to hear Ana sing."

"Well, now that sounds like an offer I can't refuse. Ana, I do believe you've been holding out on me. I had no idea that you were singer on top of all of your other amazing talents."

"I..I..I'm not a singer. But the party should be fun. You should join us."

"I would love to. Kate, here is my card. Would you mind emailing the details? I've got to run to another meeting, but I look forward to seeing you tomorrow night."

Eric shakes Kate's hand and gives Ana a friendly kiss on the cheek as he leaves. Ana walks around and closed the door as she glares at Kate.

"You know Kavanaugh, there is a special place in hell waiting for you. How could you do that?"

"Ana, you said that even your shrink was trying to get you to face your feelings for the guy, I just thought a little push might be helpful. Come on, Mr. Moneybags is on some business trip, so nothing to worry about. Just come and have a good time. Oh, and plan on staying overnight, there will be cosmos and jello shots involved."

"Are you kidding me? We are not twenty-one anymore, Kate. I have children to look after."

"Not tomorrow. Your children are scheduled for an overnight adventure at Grandma and Grandpa's. You are mine for the evening. Come on, you deserve some fun. Besides, Jose and Maria are coming too."

"Wow, I haven't seen Jose in ages and Maria is what, five months pregnant? It will be great to catch up with them."

"Like I said, it will be a fun evening."

_**Please take the time to review. Thanks for reading.**_

xxxxx


	15. Chapter 15 - Karaoke and Cosmos

**Author's Note: **Hopefully this chapter will provide some much needed entertainment!

**Ana's POV:**

Ana dropped the kids off early at Grace and Carrick's, as they promised to take them on a boat ride before dinner. She went back home to get ready and had to admit she looked pretty hot - for a mommy. She wore dark wash jeans, a black sheer sweater with a fitted waist and dolman sleeves and a fitted black tank underneath. She kept her make-up natural and wore her hair down. She straightened it with a flat iron and it fell softly along her breasts. She paired her ensemble with a pair of black patent peep toe Louboutin heels and she was off, overnight bag in hand. As she drove to Kate and Elliott's she felt a wave of excitement and uncertainly pass through her. Maybe tonight would give her the answers she had been seeking. Either way, she was sure it was going to be fun evening, just like Kate promised.

When she pulled into the driveway, Kate was already waiting at the door – with a shot in hand.

"Kate, what in the world? I haven't even put my bag down!"

"Sorry, Ana. Tonight is all about loosening up and having fun. It starts now. Enjoy!"

Ana quickly took the shot and laughed at Kate's enthusiasm.

"Come on, Ana. Our kids are safe and we don't have to drive anywhere. Let's have a good time!"

"You are right. I could stand to have a good time. How about one of Elliott's famous cosmos?"

As if on cue, Elliott came around the corner and swept Ana up in his arms.

"How is my favorite sister in law doing? Did I hear that you need a drink?"

"Hi Elliott. I'm your only sister in law and yes, a cosmo would be lovely."

"Coming right up. Kate tells me your football player friend is coming tonight."

"Yes. Kate was nice enough to invite him yesterday. He's a really nice guy. You'll like him."

"That is what I hear. Looking forward to meeting him. He seems like a real stand up guy from everything I've read. The guy has sure had a tough go these last few years."

"Yes he has. It's remarkable how he's held it all together. He's a very special man."

"Well, let me go get that drink for you so you can catch up with my wife – she started about an hour ago. God help me!"

"Thanks, Elliott. I'll go give Kate a hand out back."

Walking out back, Ana is instantly amused at the sight before her. Drink in hand, Kate has the karaoke machine on full blast she recognizes the music is Katy Perry's "Firework."

"Ana this one is for you. You will always be my best friend, my firework. "

_Do you ever feel like a plastic bag  
Drifting through the wind, wanting to start again?  
Do you ever feel, feel so paper thin  
Like a house of cards, one blow from caving in?_

Do you ever feel already buried deep?  
Six feet under screams but no one seems to hear a thing  
Do you know that there's still a chance for you  
'Cause there's a spark in you?

You just gotta ignite the light and let it shine  
Just own the night like the 4th of July

'Cause baby, you're a firework  
Come on, show 'em what you're worth  
Make 'em go, oh  
As you shoot across the sky

Baby, you're a firework  
Come on, let your colors burst  
Make 'em go, oh  
You're gonna leave 'em falling down

You don't have to feel like a waste of space  
You're original, cannot be replaced  
If you only knew what the future holds  
After a hurricane comes a rainbow

Maybe you're reason why all the doors are closed  
So you could open one that leads you to the perfect road  
Like a lightning bolt, your heart will blow  
And when it's time, you'll know

You just gotta ignite the light and let it shine  
Just own the night like the 4th of July

'Cause baby you're a firework  
Come on, show 'em what you're worth  
Make 'em go, oh  
As you shoot across the sky

Baby, you're a firework  
Come on, let your colors burst  
Make 'em go, oh  
You're gonna leave 'em falling down

Boom, boom, boom  
Even brighter than the moon, moon, moon  
It's always been inside of you, you, you  
And now it's time to let it through

As Kate finished her tribute to Ana, guests had started arriving and Ana found herself loosening up for the first time in months - for the first time in about six months, to be exact. It felt good. As the evening progressed, Elliott made she that she was never without a drink and between stints at the karaoke machine, Kate was busy passing out shots like candy. Eric had arrived and was immediately taken to the man cave for a drink and talk of all things football. He was definitely the star of the night. Ana and Kate were enjoying visiting with Jose and his wife Maria when a very drunken Elliott brought Eric out by the pool and took his turn at the karaoke machine.

"Hey everyone. Thanks so much for coming and hanging out with Kate and I tonight. We hope you are all enjoying yourselves and we want to remind you that we have several drivers on tap this evening if any of you are a bit too intoxicated to drive home. Of course, anyone is welcome to crash on our couch too. We just want to you to enjoy the night.

A few minutes ago I was in what I call my man cave enjoying a few drinks with my old frat buddies and some other friends and I drew the short straw in our little dare game. So, as selected by my dear friend Aidan Fisher, I'll now be singing "Let's hear it for the Boy," dedicated to my new guy crush, Eric Allen. Eric, this one is for you."

Kate and Ana almost hyperventilated they were laughing so hard and poor Eric was as red as a cherry as they all listened to Elliott's hilarious rendition of the Footloose song. Ana went over to comfort Eric, but failed miserably, as all she could do laugh. They chatted briefly and enjoyed the rest of Elliott's performance. As Elliott concluded his song, he turned to Ana and Kate, who were standing with Eric, Jose and Maria, and raised his glass.

"And now, I think it is time that we hear from a much more beautiful voice. My dear friends, singing the next song is my dear sister in law, Ana Grey. Ana come on up."

Ana was horrified! She was refusing to go up, only to be pulled by Kate and Jose and Eric smirked and raised his glass to her. The crowd started chanting, "Ana, Ana." Elliott pulled her close and told her he knew she could do it and to just let loose for once. He had already chosen the song. Ana laughed nervously, took the microphone and called her good friend Kate to serve has her back up. Kate graciously joined her friend and brought a fresh shot for each of them. Ana drank the shot and began singing Elliott's chosen song; Call Me Maybe by Carly Rae Jepsen.

_I threw a wish in the well,  
Don't ask me, I'll never tell  
I looked to you as it fell,  
And now you're in my way_

I'd trade my soul for a wish,  
Pennies and dimes for a kiss  
I wasn't looking for this,  
But now you're in my way

Your stare was holdin',  
Ripped jeans, skin was showin'  
Hot night, wind was blowin'  
Where you think you're going, baby?

Hey, I just met you,  
And this is crazy,  
But here's my number,  
So call me, maybe?

It's hard to look right,  
At you baby,  
But here's my number,  
So call me, maybe?

Hey, I just met you,  
And this is crazy,  
But here's my number,  
So call me, maybe?

And all the other boys,  
Try to chase me,  
But here's my number,  
So call me, maybe?

You took your time with the call,  
I took no time with the fall  
You gave me nothing at all,  
But still, you're in my way

I beg, and borrow and steal  
Have foresight and it's real  
I didn't know I would feel it,  
But it's in my way

Ana was really enjoying this. She was singing her heart out focused on the amused faces of Eric and Jose throughout most of the song. As she really began to find her stride and belted out the last chorus, she felt a familiar pull. As she turned her head, she sang:

_Before you came into my life  
I missed you so bad  
I missed you so bad  
I missed you so, so bad_

Before you came into my life  
I missed you so bad  
And you should know that

So call me, maybe?

She was looking straight into the eyes of her estranged husband, Christian Grey.


	16. Chapter 16 - Sizing up the Competition

Christian's POV

Christian had been ignoring Elliott's calls all week knowing that he was going to be pestering him about coming to some party he and Kate were throwing on Saturday. He was in Sacramento on business and wasn't planning to come home until Sunday in order to attend a fundraising gala in California on Saturday night.

It was nearly 1:00 a.m. on Saturday when Christian realized that he had an email from Elliott, he figured he finally realized he was ignoring his calls and decided to try another medium.

To: Christian Grey

From: Elliott Grey

Subject: Party Time

Yo Bro!

Hey man, I know you are ignoring me, but I wanted you to know you'll be missing out on one hell of a time tomorrow night. Don't worry, Kate has already arranged for Ana to stay the night, as she plans to get her quite drunk. Should be good for her to relax for a change. Jose and Maria are coming and Kate invited Ana's friend Eric as well. She'll be in good hands. Still wish you would reconsider joining us - might be good for you to let loose too. See you soon.

E

What the fuck?! Like hell my brother and his wife are going to feed my wife alcohol and leave her at the hands of Jose fucking Rodriguez and golden boy wife charmer Eric Allen!

"Taylor! I'm going to need to get home -now! Please ask Stephen to get the plane ready and call Andrea to cancel everything here."

_Could my life be any more of a mess right now? Only have yourself to blame, Grey._

Christian had debated whether or not he should call Ana and let her know he was coming, but in the end he decided it would be better to surprise her. It would also give him an opportunity to see if Rodriguez or Allen tried to make a move on his wife. Ana had mentioned that Jose's wife was expecting, but he was sure the fucker still wanted in Ana's panties - and he would bet money Eric Allen did too. Yes, it was going to be an interesting night.

When Christian pulled up to Elliott and Kate's house, it was packed. The party was in full swing. He was amused at first when he heard Elliott announcing he was going to be singing "Let's hear it for the Boy," but his amusement turned to outrage when his brother dedicated the song to his new guy crush, Eric Allen. So much for brotherly love!

Christian grabbed a drink and watched from afar as Ana talked with Eric, Jose, Maria and Kate. She looked beautiful and so at ease. He couldn't remember the last time he had seen her so relaxed. She was breathtaking. He was lost in thought when he realized Elliott had called her to sing. The crowd started chanting Ana, Ana and Christian couldn't help but join the chorus. He was shocked when his wife actually took her place next to Elliott and called on Kate to sing her back up. She must really be drunk, because she would never sing in front of a crowd sober. This was going to be good.

As Ana belted out the lyrics to "Call Me Maybe," Christian was surprised by how good she sounded and how much fun she was having. It was a wonderful sight, until he noticed she was singing straight to Eric Allen. Christian immediately felt his body tense as he focused his stone hard glare on his wife. As if she could sense his stare, she turned toward him for the first time and smiled coyly when she spotted him. Her smile melted all of his anger away and he found himself smiling back, amused at her display onstage.

As Ana and Kate made their way down from the stage, Elliott was waiting with a fresh drink and shot for each of them. Ana eagerly downed the shot and made her way over to Christian.

"Hi."

"Hi. Excellent performance, Mrs. Grey."

"Thank you, I think. I thought you were out of town until tomorrow."

"Change of plans, besides I wouldn't have wanted to miss the amazing entertainment." Christian said with his trademark smirk.

"Oh, I'm glad I was entertaining, Mr. Grey."

"That you were, Mrs. Grey. You actually were quite good. I must say, I think you've been holding out on me. I never took you to be the pop type."

"I suppose tastes change, wouldn't you say?"

"Touché."

"Jose and Maria are here. Why don't you come and say hello."

"Lead the way."

As Christian and Ana walked through the crowd, he could feel the tension building inside of his body. As they neared Jose and Maria, he could see that Jose was enjoying an easy conversation with Eric Allen and that did not bode well.

"Hey guys. Look who joined the party."

With a disgusted smirk of his own, Jose merely managed a one word greeting.

"Christian."

"Jose, Maria. It's wonderful to see both of you."

Maria was a bit more welcoming.

"Christian, how nice to see you again. Ana was showing us some pictures of Teddy and Phoebe earlier, they are getting so big. You must be so proud."

"Yes, they are the light of our lives. Congratulations on your impending arrival. When are you due?"

"Three more months to go, but we can't wait."

"Well, congratulations again. You look great."

Ana interrupts the conversation to draw Christian's attention to Eric.

"Christian, you remember Eric Allen."

"Yes, Eric. What a pleasure to see you again. My wife tells me things are coming along quite well on the book."

"Yes, Ana has been amazing. I don't know how I would have made it this far without her. She is truly a Godsend."

"Yes, yes she is." Christian replies, as he snakes his arm around Ana's waist.

"Well, it's getting late and I promised the kids I would take them out on the boat first thing tomorrow, so I really should get going. "

_Yes, you really should get going. Home. Alone._

"Well, nice to see you again, Eric."

_Jose was quick to shake Eric's hand and tell him how great it was to meet him. Christ, can't anyone see through this guy or is he really that great?_

"Eric, let me walk you out."

"Thanks, Ana. I'd like to find Kate and Elliott and say goodnight before I go."

"Sure. I think Kate went in the kitchen. Let's try there."

And then she was gone. His wife was fucking gone with Eric Allen and he was left with Jose Fucking Rodriguez. Just great.

"So Grey, why did you come tonight, couldn't handle knowing Ana was having a great time without you?"

"You know Rodriguez, this is my brother's home and I was invited her this evening. As for my relationship with my wife, it's none of your business."

"I disagree. Ana is one of my best friends and your little elevator tryst being plastered on the cover of every newspaper in the country just about destroyed her. She is finally getting back to herself and I won't let you hurt her again!"

"She is my wife and I love her more than anything in this world. I will not hurt her again."

"Yeah, right. Until the next time you need a fix from some whore!"

Just as Jose finishes his sentence, Ana walks up. It is obvious that the effects of the alcohol are beginning to take hold as she slurs her words.

"Jose, what in the hell are you doing? This isn't the place for this." Ana slurs.

"Ana, I thought you were divorcing this asshole."

"I, we…we are separated right now and Cwwishtian is trying to work on his wissues." Again, Ana slurs heavily, as Christian stays silent by her side.

"I don't know why you are giving him the time of day, Ana. You can do so much better."

"Look, if he doesn't wook out his crap this time. I. AM. DONE, then I will go out with Eric."

_Did she really just fucking say that? What the hell? This is worse than I thought. She does want him!_

Jose is shocked that his friend just said that out loud. He looks to Christian and laughs in his face.

"Ana, that sounds like a damn good plan. Eric seems like a really good guy. Someone who would really treat you with the respect you deserve." He spats, as he looks straight into the incensed eyes of Christian Grey.

"Well, I'm going to go and grab Maria. It's getting late we should get going."

"It was so good to see you Jose. Lets gwet together sooooooon, kay?"

"Sure, Ana. You should take something for that hangover you are going to have in the morning."

"You are wight…my head is going to hurt. Cwiistian will take care of me, wight Cwistian?

"Yes, baby. I will always take care of you. Goodnight, Mr. Rodriguez."

With that Christian leads Ana to one of the chairs by the pool and brings her a glass of water and two Advil. She takes them without arguing and he sits on the chair next to her, deciding to try and get a bit more information out of drunk Ana.

"So baby, you really like Eric don't you?"

"Uh huh. My therapist keeps telling me I need to acknowledge that my fee fee feelings. She says you may never address your issues and I need to face the fact that we may not be able to work things out."

"No baby. I won't accept that. I will do whatever I have to do to get you back. I will fight for us. No matter what it takes I will do it. Please don't give up on me. Please, Ana. I love you so much."

"Then you need to deal with these urges you have. You can't have it both ways. I can't do this anymore."

"I know, baby. I know."

Christian pulls Ana into his arms and they lay there as the last of the guests say their goodbyes and Elliott carries a very drunken Kate to their bed. When Elliott returns and starts to take the karaoke machine down, Christian asks him to leave it. Elliott doesn't argue and says goodnight as he heads to bed.

Pleased to see that she seems to have sobered up a bit, Christian settles Ana back in the chair and heads up to the karaoke machine.

"Christian, what are you doing?"

"Ana, this song is for you. It says so much about how I feel right now and how empty my life is without you."

I can't win, I can't reign  
I will never win this game  
Without you, without you  
I am lost, I am vain,  
I will never be the same  
Without you, without you

I won't run, I won't fly  
I will never make it by  
Without you, without you  
I can't rest, I can't fight  
All I need is you and I,  
Without you, without you

Oh oh oh!  
You! You! You!  
Without...  
You! You! You!  
Without... you  
[ Lyrics from: d/david+guetta/without+you_ ]  
Can't erase, so I'll take blame  
But I can't accept that we're estranged  
Without you, without you  
I can't quit now, this can't be right  
I can't take one more sleepless night  
Without you, without you

I won't soar, I won't climb  
If you're not here, I'm paralyzed  
Without you, without you  
I can't look, I'm so blind  
I lost my heart, I lost my mind  
Without you, without you

Oh oh oh!  
You! You! You!  
Without...  
You! You! You!  
Without... you

I am lost, I am vain,  
I will never be the same  
Without you, without you  
Without... you

Without You by David Guetta

As Christian finishes the song and returns to Ana, they both have tears streaming down their faces. Christian takes his thumb and gently wipes away Ana's tears. He leans down and gives her a tender kiss on her lips.

"You've made me cry, Mr. Grey. That was beautiful. Thank you."

"Your lips are always so soft when you cry, Ana. I love you so much. Please don't give up on me yet. I am seeing a new therapist and I think she can really help me."

"I love you Christian. I always will."

He presses his forehead against hers and smiles.

"It seems the party is over, Mr. Grey. I think it's time for bed."

**Well, what do you think will happen? Will they give in to desire or will one of them keep a clear head? Let me know what you think. More of Dr. Morris coming up soon.**

**Thanks for reading and reviewing.**


	17. Drunken Antics and the Morning After

Christian gently lifted Ana and carried her to the spare bedroom. He carefully sat her on the bed and dropped down to his knees. He removed her shoes and then stood between her legs. He took her face in his hands and spoke in a whispered tone.

"What do you want, Ana?"

"You Christian, I always want you. It has always been you."

"Ana, are you sure? We've both been drinking and I don't want you to regret this in the morning."

"Christian, I know that we have both been drinking and you are right, I will probably regret this in the morning…but right now, I want you to make love to me. Please make love to me, Christian."

He kissed her as if it was the last kiss they would ever share and she responded with every bit as much passion. They were practically ripping each other's clothes off, as they devoured one another. Christian kissed and caressed every inch of her body. He took her big toe in his mouth and gently sucked on it and slowly licked and kissed his way up each of her legs, all the while rubbing against her sex. When he finally put his fingers inside her, she screamed in pleasure.

"Oh God, Christian…don't stop. Please don't stop!"

"Oh baby, I'm just getting started. Do you want me to make you come like this? Tell me what you want, Ana. Tell me and I'll do it."

"I want you. I want you inside of me. I want you to fuck me…hard."

Christian growled in pleasure as he brought his lips to hers again. He brought one of her legs onto his shoulder and slammed into her until they both came together. They quickly fell asleep in each other's arms.

Christian woke up the next morning with a huge smile on his face. He hadn't felt this well rested, well this good period, since he and Ana had separated. He turned to reach for her only to find that she was gone. He panicked and then he heard the shower running and decided to join her. Ana was just stepping out of the shower when he walked into the bathroom.

"Good morning, beautiful."

"Good morning, Mr. Grey."

"I was hoping to join you in the shower. I guess I'm too late."

"Oh Mr. Grey, I think we had enough of that last night."

"I could never get enough of you, but you know that."

"Christian, I…I can't."

"Hey, I didn't mean to upset you. I was afraid you would regret it, I didn't mean to make things worse."

"That's the thing Christian, I don't regret last night. I think it was what we both needed, but I also meant what I said. You have got to work through your issues."

"I know Ana, I'm trying."

"Are you? Are you really trying, Christian?"

"Yes, Ana. I've met with the new therapist and I think she could really be helpful."

"Good."

"Did you mean what you said about dating Eric?"

"I was hoping I had imagined that in my jello shot induced stupor."

"I'm afraid not, in fact you were quite adamant that your therapist was trying to get you to face your feelings."

"Christian, I am so sorry. I didn't mean for any of this to happen."

"So you do have feelings for him?"

"I honestly don't know what I feel right now."

"I see."

"Look, I am going to do my best to make some progress with this new therapist. In the meantime, I hope you can figure out your own feelings. I love you Ana and that will never change."

"I love you too."

"I'm going to have a shower now. Will you still be here when I get out?"

"I think I'll head to the kitchen and face the Katherine Grey inquisition."

"Ah yes, I can't say I'm looking forward to that. I may sneak out through the garage."

"Not a chance, Grey. I'll see you out there."

"Ana?"

"Yes?"

"Thank you for last night. I can't tell you how good it felt to make love to you and hold you in my arms."

"For me too, Christian. I so wish things could be different right now."

"We'll get there, baby. I promise you we will get there."

Ana just nodded and left the bathroom to get dressed and face Kate's wrath. She wasn't sure what the future held at this point, but she wasn't sorry for giving into the love and desire she felt for her husband. It may have been the last time they would ever make love and she didn't regret one minute of it.

As Christian showered, he thought back to last night and he knew that the familiar pull that always existed between he and Ana was still there. Still, her remarks last night were very troubling. A drunken Ana was an honest Ana and she made it clear she was ready to move on if he didn't get his shit together once and for all. He hated the thought of facing Dr. Morris again, but he had no other choice. If he didn't he would lose Ana forever and he wasn't willing to risk that kind of a loss. It was time to face the music and he was sure it was going to be very unpleasant.

**Author's note: ** Okay, I know some of you probably loved this and some hated it – we are such a divided group sometimes! This was two very drunk people who love each other desperately, giving into their desires for one night. No more, no less. They are far from being back together. Dr. Morris is next and it will not be an easy session for CG. Thanks for reading and reviewing.


	18. Chapter 18 - Dr Morris' Tough Love

**_The Fifty Shades Trilogy belongs to E.L. James. I am just having fun with the characters for a while._**

As Christian stepped into Dr. Morris' office, he felt like he was a teenager back in the principal's office waiting to be suspended or expelled. Unfortunately, he knew the truths that Dr. Morris would expose could have greater implications that either of those consequences to his out of control youth.

"Well Mr. Grey, I have to say I am a bit surprised to see you here. If I recall, I suggested we meet at least once a week and that was more than three weeks ago. I was starting to believe you weren't coming back."

"To be honest, I didn't intend to return."

"What changed your mind?"

"I'm losing my wife. I love her more than anything and I have to work out my issues before she will even consider reconciliation."

"I see. Has anything changed since the last time you were here?"

"She's developed feelings for someone she is working with and she told me she would act on them if I can't straighten myself out. I can't lose her. I just can't lose her."

"Well, then I suggest we get to work. I was just going through my notes from our last session before you came in. When we ended that session, I got the distinct impression that you were in disagreement with my initial assessment of your personality."

"Disagreement, you called me a fucking addict!"

"Mr. Grey, first of all, I will not tolerate that language in this office. Second, I said that I believe you may have an addictive personality."

"My birth mother was a crack addict. I despise drugs and addicts."

"Mr. Grey. There is Substance Addiction and Process Addiction. After reading through all of your files, I would suggest that you suffer from a Process Addiction or a psychological vs. substance dependency. An addiction is characterized by impairment in behavioral control or cravings, an inability to consistently abstain. It can also be characterized by the failure to recognize significant problems with one's own behaviors and relationships."

"You are addicted to BDSM and the false sense of control that contractual BDSM relationships give you.

"That is insane. I didn't have a BDSM relationship for over seven years. How can that possibly be an addiction? That just doesn't make sense. And of course being a Dom gives me the ultimate control. That is not an illusion."

"Oh, Mr. Grey I beg to differ. You are a mass of contradictions. For someone who thrives on control in every aspect of your life, it amazes me that you lived your personal life with such reckless abandon."

"What are you talking about? I am not reckless!"

"Really? Let's consider the facts, shall we? Over the years you have engaged in sixteen BDSM contractual relationships, plus visits to however many BDSM clubs over the years on multiple continents with varying hygienic standards. You have relied on initial STD testing and taken your Submissives' word on birth control. It is nothing short of a miracle that you aren't walking around with some God awful STD and that you don't have children with multiple mothers running all over Seattle."

"I used condoms on occasion, Dr. Morris."

"But not very often, correct."

"No, not very often, but I did use them with Nina. After Ana…I ….she is the only one I wanted to be inside. Somehow it made it feel less real if I used a condom."

"Interesting. If I may continue?"

"By all means." _Why don't I just order my tombstone now because you are sure as hell digging my grave here!_

"You have had these women sign NDA's, when in reality the fame and money they could get for selling such a story would far outweigh any penalty you could impose. Like it or not Mr. Grey, this is the reality. This does not include the blatant betrayal to your wedding vows or allowing yourself to be pleasured in an elevator with cameras. If you don't consider this reckless behavior, then I suggest you find a new therapist because I am not willing to sugar coat any of this in an effort to be your friend. That is not my style."

Christian tries to speak, but Dr. Morris asks him to allow her to finish as she feels they need to clear the air, so to speak, if they are going to continue regular therapy sessions.

"Mr. Grey, Christian, I want to help you, but I need to know that you are open to my help and advice. I can talk all day and give you options and therapies that do work, but if you aren't willing to acknowledge the truth of your actions and your addiction, we will not be able to move forward. I've given you my professional opinion on your past, but I would also like to revisit our discussion from our last session. You have indicated repeatedly that you regret your arrangement with this sub, your infidelity and the subsequent public disclosure of your activities. I believe you, but I am still troubled by the fact that you did not really see what you were doing as sexual intercourse. I think we need to explore this a bit more. When you are penetrating any part of another human beings body with your penis, it is intercourse. You had intercourse with this submissive and if you truly want to rebuild your relationship with your wife, you need to be honest with her. What have you told her so far about this relationship?"

"I told her that the contract did not include sex, only the exchange of control and hard and soft limits on implements, etc. I told her about the two oral encounters and how they happened."

"And nothing more?"

"No."

"Don't you think she deserves to know?"

"She'll never forgive me!"

"But she deserves the truth. If she takes you back on false pretenses, you will have to carry that guilt for the rest of your life."

"You both deserve better than that. Think about that and think about what you want to accomplish from our sessions. I know you want your wife back, are you committed to changing? You can't change for her, it has to be for you or it won't last. Please think about that and if you want to continue, I would suggest we meet one or two times a week for the foreseeable future. Please understand that I want to help you, but you have to want my help. I think that is enough for today, but if you want to continue, please schedule your next appointment as soon as possible.

Christian is stunned into silence. He can only manage a nod in acknowledgement as he exits Dr. Morris' office. As he allows her words to penetrate, he feels physically sick. How did he not see this for all of these years? What in the hell was he thinking? How did Ana ever love him knowing all she knew? And even still, he betrayed her. He betrayed the person he loved most on the face of this earth and from the way Dr. Morris just explained things, he wasn't sure he really deserved a second chance.

**_Author's note:_**

**_This was a tough chapter to write, but I think it was necessary. The next session with Dr. Morris will focus on admitting an addiction and taking the steps to recovery._**


	19. Chapter 19 - Dress warmly?

**Ana**

It had been three weeks since Christian and Ana's "hook-up" after Kate and Elliott's party. Since then, Christian had been distant. He insisted he was still seeing his new therapist, but would not elaborate when Ana pressed for details. They had been separated for nearly eight months and at this point any hopes of reconciliation looked bleak at best. Ana was tired of waiting, tired of wondering if Christian would ever change or if he even wanted to change. She thought back to her many sessions with Dr. Martin and realized it was time for her to take control of her life and stop living in limbo. If Christian wasn't prepared to move forward, it was time that she moved on without him.

The following afternoon, Ana had her weekly meeting with Eric. They were going through the first draft of the book and decided to meet off site to avoid distractions. Ana booked a private dining room at the Metropolitan Club and was surprised to see Eric was already at their table when she arrived. He stood up and greeted her with a friendly kiss on the cheek and they quickly ordered lunch and got to work on the book. After nearly three hours and thirteen chapters of editing, they both needed a break.

"Eric, I really think this is great. I started going through the book last night and as you can see, I really have very minor changes. That is a rarity for me."

"Well, I guess I must be a natural author, who knew?"

"Yes, I'm sure that is it. Seriously, it is really great. What do you think?"

"I think it is great because I was fortunate to have an amazing editor helping me along every step of the way."

"Hmmm. That must be it. "

"Honestly Ana, the book is great. You know I had major reservations when we started this project and I don't think I would have ever seen it through to completion without you. You've been amazing and I feel blessed to have you in my life. You've helped me make more progress in moving forward in my life than two years of fairly extensive and expensive therapy. I'm not sure how I will ever begin to repay you."

"I feel the same way about you. I don't know what I would have done without you these last few months."

"Ana, I'm not sure how I'm going to survive not seeing you on a regular basis. I need you in my life."

"I know what you mean. I've become so accustomed to seeing you or at least talking to you nearly every day…."

"Ana, I know you might not be ready for this and if you aren't I completely understand, probably better than anyone given what I've gone through since losing Kristin, but I'd really like to go out with you. I mean…if you'd consider it."

_It's now or never, Ana. What do you say?_

"Eric, I would love to go out with you. Christian has the kids this weekend. Would that work?"

"That would be perfect. I'll pick you up at five on Saturday."

"Great. Well, I think we can stop here with the editing and maybe pick up next week at chapter 14."

"That sounds good."

"I guess I should be going."

"Ana?"

"Yes?"

With that Eric pulled her into his arms, swooped her down and gave her one of the most passionate kisses she had ever experienced. She could feel her cheeks redden and was sure she was blushing as bright as Rudolph's nose and for once, she couldn't care less.

"I've been thinking about doing that for months. I hope you don't mind."

Ana is stunned into silence. She can only nod. Eric stops in front of her, takes her hands into his and gives her a gentle kiss on the her forehead.

"I'll see you on Saturday, Ana. Dress warmly."

_Dress warmly? What on earth did he have in mind?_

Sawyer was waiting in the lobby when Ana exited the private dining room. As they headed back to Grey Publishing, Ana realized she felt happier than she had felt in months. Her heart didn't feel heavy and she was excited – excited about her date with Eric Allen. Excited about that amazing kiss, excited about the possibilities of what was to come.

**Author's note**_**:**__ I know this is short, but I'll have another chapter out later today or tomorrow. I promise Christian will remain a part of the story until the bitter (or maybe not so bitter) end. As I've said many times before, there are many twists to come….remember the story is called "A Different Path for Ana," but that doesn't mean she is done with CG. I wanted to accomplish two things with this story from the onset. The first is to get CG to address his issues once and for all so he can move forward without fear of relapsing because he'll find new ways to deal with his control issues (which I hope you will all enjoy). The second is to allow Ana to explore a different path and figure out if CG is really the key to heart and happiness. _

_I know a lot of people found Ana in FSOG very annoying. I have to say I did not. Frankly, for a twenty one year old woman with very little real world experience, she held her own. Also, while Elena stole CG's adolescence, Ana had no female role model for most of hers, as she went to live with Ray during her mom's third marriage. To have enough insight to accept Christian's past and see that what he needed most was her unconditional love was a mature conclusion. Also, realizing that he still loved his birth mother and to being able to hold her own against Elena (I always think of the Coping Together scene) was pretty astute, all things considered. However, I have to admit that I always wished she had a bit more worldliness about her…if only to give Christian a bit more of a run for his money! I am hoping her "experiences" with Eric will help with that. As I've said before, I know exactly how this will end, so I hope you'll stay along for the ride. xoxo_


	20. Chapter 20 - Delving

The Fifty Shades Trilogy belongs to E.L. James. I own nothing.

Christian entered Dr. Morris' office with a heavy heart. It had been three weeks of the most intense therapy he had ever experienced. They had been meeting twice a week for ninety minute sessions and after almost every session Christian had a "homework" assignment. This week, Dr. Morris wanted to delve into his entry into BDSM. Christian know this meant what she really wanted to do was delve into his relationship with Elena…something he did not like to revisit.

"Christian, it's good to see you. How are you today?"

"Just great, as always, and you?"

"I detect a little sarcasm, Mr. Grey. For the sake of time, we'll let that go and move along. I think we've made some great progress over the last several weeks. You've realized that you have an addiction and you say you are willing to take the necessary steps to overcome this addiction. That is a huge step in the right direction. I have some ideas on new outlets to address your need for control, but before we get to those, I think it is important that we talk about how your addiction began. I know that you spent years working with Flynn on Solution Focused Brief Therapy and as I've told you before, I believe very strongly in the SFBT method. However, Flynn and I disagree a bit on how you get there. I think you can focus on the future and goals to get to where you want to be, but until you adequately address the issues that are preventing you from that goal, you are never fully there.

I believe this is where things got a bit off track for you. Years ago, you made the decision that being in a loving relationship with Ana was your ultimate goal, but you never truly addressed why you got into BDSM in the first place and how addicted you became to the process. This addiction, coupled with your need for control and the feeling of control the punishment aspect of BDSM gave you was never addressed. You were fortunate to survive for seven years without giving into your addiction as a method to regain a feeling of control. I hope to help you find new methods of coping, so that you never need to return to that addiction. As we've discussed, a process addiction, much like a substance addiction, cannot be cured. You can recover from it, but ultimately, you must find new ways of coping."

"And what might these new coping mechanisms be?"

"Well get to those, but first I'd like to spend some time discussing how you got into BDSM to begin with. The last time we met, I asked you to think about that and to be prepared to talk about how you feel about that time of your life."

"What's the point? Why in the hell does it matter how I got there. I just want to fucking figure out a way forward and stop revisiting my fucked up past!"

"Language, Mr. Grey. As I've just finished explaining to you, I don't believe you can truly move forward, at least not permanently, until we dissect this addiction and what got you into this to begin with."

"You have the file, why do you need me to tell the story."

"I'd like to hear your version."

"Look, when I was fifteen, with raging hormones and the inability to be touched, one of my mother's best friends hired me to do some work at her house. One day, I smarted off to her and she slapped me and then kissed me. She knew from my mother about my fear of being touched and she respected those boundaries. The next day I returned and that is when our sexual relationship began. "

"You mean that is when your abuse began."

"NO! She fucking helped me! If it weren't for Elena, I would probably have killed myself with alcohol or drugs before I ever finished high school! Why does everyone insist she was an abuser? I wanted it! I wanted her!"

"Everyone?"

"You, Flynn, my parents, Ana."

"What do they think?"

"They see her as a pedophile."

"You're a father now, Christian. You have a son. If that were Teddy, how would you feel?"

"It's not the same?"

"You're right. It is not the same, what Elena did to you is worse."

"What? How can you say that?"

"What I am saying, is this woman took advantage of a boy who was already troubled to begin with. She was close enough to your mother to know your insecurities, your fears and she played upon that to bring you into her lifestyle."

"That isn't how it happened. I wanted it!"

"You wanted sex, Christian. As you said, you were a fifteen year old boy with raging hormones and she gave you an outlet for that. In doing so, she introduced you to a whole new world of pain and abuse. Like it or not, she played you. She knew you didn't feel deserving of your family and therefore, she knew you wouldn't tell them what she was doing to you. She knew you wanted the sex, so you would take the pain and punishments to get there. She made you believe that one was dependent on the other. Your file from Flynn talks about your first sexual encounter with Ana. It says that you admitted you never knew sex, vanilla as you referred to it, could be enjoyable without a BDSM element. Surely after seven years in a loving relationship, you understand that is far from accurate."

"Of course, I knew that the first time I was with Ana."

"Exactly. What I am trying to show you is that Elena planted these false ideas in your head. She wanted you to be dependent on BDSM because it was a way for her to remain in your life, to exert _her _control over you, even long after your sexual relationship with her ended."

"Even if that is true, I don't see how it is relevant. I haven't seen or spoken to Elena in years."

"What is important is that you see her for what she was. First of all, Dr. Flynn, Ana and your parents were right – she was an abuser, a pedophile who took advantage of an emotionally unstable fifteen year old boy. The fact that she was aware of your emotional state of mind makes what she did even worse. Furthermore, she fed your addiction in the same way that a drug dealer feeds his addicts. She made you believe that BDSM was something you needed for control and that sexual pleasure and BDSM were one in the same. I understand that you believe she saved you, but I just don't believe that is the case. She took advantage of you and turned you onto a lifestyle that you are ashamed to be a part of, that you felt Ana was too good for, yet you remained addicted to it."

"I guess I never saw it that way. I mean, years ago, I realized Elena used me, but I never saw it as her maintaining control over me."

"I think that is exactly what she has done, but now that you can see that, I think you are finally ready to move forward – for good."

"But can I do that? I mean I get what you are saying, but I can't deny that I enjoyed it. Even with Ana, the kinky stuff we did, I enjoyed it and I know she did too."

"Christian, there is nothing wrong with kink and there are sane, safe, legal BDSM relationships. What is wrong here is that Elena made you believe that you needed the harsh elements of BDSM to function. That is simply not the case. You can maintain control of yourself and your life without beating someone. If you enjoy kinky sex and find a partner with the same tendencies, so be it. For years, Elena let you believe that was the only way you could have a satisfying sexual relationship, Ana showed you that is not true. I want you to see that you don't need it to feel in control. You've said you are here because you want your wife back. Ana will not submit to the punishment aspect of BDSM and you do not wish to inflict pain upon her, so if you want to rebuild your marriage, you have no choice but to find another outlet when you feel out of control. Trust me, those feelings will return."

"Okay. Tell me what I need to do."

"We will do that, but first you need to be honest with Ana."

"I don't think I can do that. I'll lose her for sure."

"You've already lost her trust. You cannot begin to rebuild any sort of relationship without honesty."

"I just…it didn't mean anything. Nina, all of it…it meant nothing. Ana is the only woman who has ever meant anything to me. I just got carried away. God, why didn't I stop it, why didn't I stop myself, stop her?"

"Christian, we are making progress. You are an addict, you gave into temptation and you lost a lot because of it. I think you have learned from your mistakes. We've been addressing your addiction head on for weeks now and I believe that you can move forward. You have to trust yourself."

"I can't even talk to her. I've been avoiding her for weeks."

"Well, that is certainly not the road to reconciliation. You need to talk to her, find out where her head is right now."

"I think that is what I am afraid of."

"You're afraid she is moving on?"

"Terrified."

"Look, I know she told you she wouldn't wait forever, but she also told you she loves you and from what you've told me about Ana, I don't think that is something she will easily let go of, but you need to stop pushing her away."

"You're right. I'll talk to her."

"Good. The sooner the better. I'll see you next week."

"Thank you."

xxxxxxxxxxxxx

As Taylor pulled out of the parking garage, Christian dialed Ana's number. Dr. Morris was right, the sooner the better. He was startled from his thoughts when she picked up almost immediately.

"Christian, hi."

"Hi Ana. I was wondering if we could talk."

"Sure. Is everything okay?"

"Yes. I just need to see you."

"Do you want to come here?"

"Actually, what is your afternoon like?"

"I have a couple of meetings, but nothing that can't be moved around, are you sure everything is okay?"

"I've just left a session with Dr. Morris, my new therapist. I was just hoping maybe we could talk."

"Of course. Look, let me move some things around and I can meet you at the house in an hour, would that work?"

"That's perfect. I'll see you then. Thank you, Ana."

"See you soon. Goodbye, Christian."

Although he had never considered himself a religious man, Christian found himself saying a silent prayer.

_Please God, don't let her hate me. Please, please don't let this be the end of us._

**Author's note: Next chapter later today. Thanks for taking time to read and revi**


	21. Chapter 21 - Attempted Confessions

_**The Fifty Shades Trilogy belongs to E.L. James. This storyline and the new characters are mine. Thanks for reading.**_

As Sawyer drove her home, Ana's thoughts wandered back to her brief conversation with Christian. He sounded nervous, but why? At least he was finally ready to talk. Hopefully he was really making progress with this new therapist.

_Yes, just as you are finally taking the steps to move on…_

Regardless, they needed to talk. It had been weeks since they had anything resembling a real conversation. He had clearly been avoiding her at all costs and that made her dread what he might have to say to her now. She also knew that she needed to tell him about her impending date with Eric and she feared his reaction.

_Serves him right, Ana. He is the one that put you in this mess to begin with and he is the one who has been avoiding you for weeks. Maybe he is hiding something himself. Maybe he has another submissive ready to cater to his every whim._

No, he wouldn't do that. Not again. She knew he wouldn't hurt her that way again. But why was he acting so strangely? Thankfully, she would have the answers soon enough.

A text alert from her phone brought her out of her thoughts. She smiled when she saw it was from Eric.

***Hey! Really looking forward to tomorrow. I forgot to tell you to bring your passport. See you at 5, remember to dress warmly (think snow). ; ) E***

_Passport, snow? What on earth was he planning?_

***Passport? I am expecting to sleep in my own bed on Saturday night, Mr. Allen. What on earth do you have planned? A***

***I promise you'll be home, but I can't say if you'll make it by curfew. And it is a surprise. You just get to enjoy.***

***I'll be in my snow wear at 5. See you then.***

Just as Ana finished her text, Sawyer pulled into the driveway where Christian and Taylor were already waiting. Christian came around and opened her door.

"Hello Mrs. Grey."

"Hello, Christian."

He took her hand and led her up the stairs to the front door. He seemed off…Nervous, apprehensive, maybe? Ana couldn't put her finger on it and that helping her unease.

"Christian, are you hungry? I could ask Gail to prepare something."

"No. If it's alright, I'd like to just talk."

"Sure. Let's go in the family room."

"How are the kids?"

"They're good. They are really looking forward to the weekend with you."

"Good. I can't wait to see them. I am glad the house is done so I can be closer to them."

"Yes, they are happy about that too. Christian, you know you can see them anytime. You are a wonderful father and they love spending time with you."

"Thanks. That really means a lot to me."

"Christian, you are a wonderful father."

"Thanks. Look, I really appreciate you meeting with me today. I know it was last minute and I apologize for the interruption to your day."

"Christian, you don't need to apologize. You know I will always be here for you. What did you want to talk about? You mentioned your new therapist."

"Yes, she is really good. Very different from Flynn. She is very blunt and she doesn't take any of my shit."

Ana giggles at the thought of that.

"Mrs. Grey, that giggle is still my favorite sound."

"Well, it sounds like this therapist is immune to the Christian Grey effect, that doesn't happen often."

"She is definitely immune. She won't even let me swear in our sessions. She is very direct and to the point."

"That's good, isn't it."

"It is, but it is kind of like tough love. I know it is what I need, but it isn't always easy."

"I'm sure it's not, but if she is helping…"

"She is. We spent ninety minutes today dissecting my relationship with Elena. You would have loved it."

"Oh?"

"Yeah, she said that Elena was a pedophile and an abuser who led me into an addiction to BDSM so that she could maintain a level of control over my life even after our relationship ended."

"Really, she said all that?"

"And then some."

Ana smiles broadly.

"I think I like this Dr. Morris, a lot!"

"I thought you might."

"Seriously, all kidding aside, how do you feel about that revelation?"

"I feel like I was fucking played. Actually, Dr. Morris said that too. She said that Elena played me because she knew I wanted sex and was messed up enough to believe that BDSM and enjoying sex were inseparable. She basically knew enough about my emotional state that she manipulated me from day one and I fell for it hook, line and sinker."

"I'm sorry Christian. I know that must have been really difficult for you to face."

"Unfortunately, you saw it years ago."

"Christian, I don't know what to say."

"You don't have to say anything. I just have always prided myself in my cognitive abilities and my ability to read other people and I failed miserably with Elena. What is worse is that I kept her in my life for years after our relationship ended. How could I be so stupid?"

"Christian, you have to stop beating yourself up over this. Elena has been out of your life completely for years. You need to let go and move forward."

"That is just it, Ana. Dr. Morris told me that I can't really move forward until I face all of the issues in my past. She says that I have a process addiction to BDSM and that I tie that to my need for control. She said that Elena made me look to BDSM punishments as my way to stay in control and by tying my sexual release to that it morphed into a sexual addiction."

Ana is dumbstruck for a moment. Dr. Martin has indicated that she believes Christian is an addict, but Ana always questioned that and now hearing it out of Christian's mouth is hard to register.

"I don't know what to say, Christian. I mean, what do you think? Do you agree with this assessment?"

"It took me a while to get there, but I do. When Dr. Morris first suggested I was an addict, I was livid, horrified. Then when she explained the differences between substance addictions and process addictions it made a lot more sense. It has been very hard to come to terms with, but we are making a lot of progress. I've been seeing her for three hours every week and we are getting somewhere."

"That's good, right? I mean, I'm so glad that you are getting help and making real progress."

"Look, I want to talk to you about what happened with us. I mean about what I did. About what happened with Nina."

"Christian, we don't need to go through that again."

"Ana, I need to be completely honest with you."

"Oh God, you aren't seeing her again are you?"

"God, NO! I haven't seen her since that night, I swear!"

"Then why do we need to revisit this? We went over it in technicolor with Flynn months ago!"

"Ana, the contract was exactly what I told you, I never intended for our arrangement to be anything more than an exchange of control."

"Yet you couldn't help yourself, could you?"

"Ana, you will never know how sorry I am for hurting you. If I could do anything in the world to take away your pain I would."

"I know that Christian, I do. I just don't want to revisit this."

"I'm sorry Ana. I just want you to understand that I never meant for things to become sexual. I just couldn't control myself…I guess it's part of the addiction, but I am learning new ways to cope and control myself without BDSM or any kind of sex."

"Christian, that is great. I am so proud of you for working through this. I appreciate your concern, but I just don't need any more images of you and Nina ingrained in my mind."

"But Ana, there was more."

"What do you mean MORE?"

"I mean there were other times when things went beyond the exchange of control."

"Vanilla?"

"God, no Ana! Only you, baby. I would NEVER do that with anyone else."

"I don't understand Christian. Look, like I said I don't need any more images of you and Nina in my head. In all honesty, when I found out about her, it was hard for me to believe there was no sexual element. I remember how we started and how turned on the control in that room always made you. At this point, it just doesn't matter what else there was. The picture of you fucking her mouth was quite enough. It doesn't surprise me there was more and I don't want the fucking details!"

"Ana, baby, I am so sorry. I wasn't trying to make things worse. I just wanted to be completely honest with you. I want you back. I want us back and don't want there to be any surprises."

"Christian, I am so glad you are getting the help that you need. I want to be as supportive as possible of those efforts, but I still don't know if there is a future for us."

"You're moving on, aren't you?"

"I don't know. I have a date this weekend."

"Eric Allen?"

"What difference does it make, Christian?"

"Ana, I love you. Please don't give up on me. Not yet. Please."

"Christian, I love you too and I'm not giving up on you. I have always believed in you, but I've told you since this happened that I didn't know if loving you was enough. I need to figure that out and in order to do that I need to explore my options…take a different path. If we try again, I need to make sure there is no doubt in my mind, no what-ifs. I hope you can understand that."

Christian and Ana both have tears streaming down their cheeks, as they hold hands facing each other.

"Ana, I love you so much and I am so sorry for hurting you over and over. You deserve so much more, but as I told you years ago, I am a selfish man and the thought of anyone else having you is like a knife piercing through my soul. That hasn't changed."

"Christian, I know. I know how sorry you are and I do know how much you love me, but this betrayal shattered my heart and soul. I wish that I could tell you that you finally facing your demons once and for all would be enough for us to make it back to one another, but I just don't know that right now. What I do know if that if you don't do that, there is definitely no way back for us. Just like you need to do that for yourself, I need to be sure you are still what I want.

You are all I have ever known Christian and up until eight months ago, that would have been enough to last a lifetime, but now everything has changed. I've changed Christian. For years I wondered if I was enough for you and now I don't know if you are enough for me. I still love you so much, but I need some time, some space to figure out what I want. I've spent the last eight months putting myself back together and now it is time for me to discover myself again and that is something I have to do. Please try to understand that." 

"Ana, I will wait a lifetime for you. I just pray that you come back to me. I love you and I am so sorry for the hurt I have caused you and our children. I promise you that if you give me a second chance, I will spend the rest of my life making this up to you. I love you and you will always be my more."

"I love you too, Christian."

"Well, I guess I should go. I'll pick the kids up from school and we'll see you on Sunday evening."

"Okay. Goodbye, Christian."

As Christian pulled Ana to him, he can felt the wetness from her tears on his cheeks. He tenderly wiped her tears away and kissed her forehead. She reached up to do the same for his tears and they embraced again.

"Ana, I am not going to say goodbye because somehow it feels too final right now and I am not ready to give up on us. I will never give up on us. You once told me that we would always find a way and I still believe that. I will see you on Sunday."

With that, he walked out the door and into the waiting SUV, taking a piece of her heart with him.

xxxxxxx

_**Well, what do you guys think? I know it wasn't the full confessional you were all bracing for, but I think that I would have reacted similar to Ana in this situation. Once you've been betrayed and had your heart broken into a million pieces, do the details really make a difference? She knows there was more and there was sex (she always suspected) and he tried his best to come clean, so he can have a clear conscience without the gory details. Dr. Morris is making him realize what constitutes a sexual act, betrayal, etc., so it won't be a mistake he'll make again.**_

_**Thank you for reading and reviewing!**_


	22. Chapter 22 - The Date

_**Sorry, I intended to get this out yesterday, but my kids insisted on finishing our holiday decorating! Enjoy and please take the time to review.**_

As Ana got ready for her date with Eric; her mind kept wandering back to her conversation with Christian the day before. He was much more open, yet he seemed so broken. It seemed as though this new therapist was really making progress. The fact that she made him see how he was used and abused by Elena was a major breakthrough! It was about time he finally saw her for exactly what she was. He was admitting he was an addict and he was finally getting help...if only he had sought help sooner - maybe they wouldn't be in this mess. He said he wanted to be honest about what really happened with that slut Nina, but Ana didn't want to hear it - she just couldn't stand the thought of anymore X rated images in her mind.

_Isn't the alternative worse, Ana? Now you have all kinds of thoughts swimming around in your mind!_

She hoped she hadn't set his progress back. He had come to her hoping to be open and honest - something she had begged of him for years, yet she shut him down in his tracks, not wanting to revisit her own pain. Deep down, she always knew there was more. Even in those first sessions with Flynn after the story broke, she could tell he was still hiding something, but her shattered heart couldn't take anymore revelations, so she didn't push the issue. In the times that she thought about it, she believed that he intended to keep the relationship non-sexual, but she had been in the playroom enough times to know how much it turned him on. It would be next to impossible for him to go without release.

Either way, he had betrayed her, betrayed her trust, and betrayed his vows. Did the details really matter? When he offered her the truth, she didn't think she needed it. What difference did it make; she already had that elevator image permanently engrained in her mind, why did she need more images to haunt her dreams? Yet now it was all she could think about. He needed to clear his conscience and she needed to face the truth - once and for all. She would ask him if they could talk again soon, but tonight she needed to focus on her date. Tonight, she needed to put Christian Grey out of her mind. If she could manage that, it would most definitely be a first.

_Great, another first! Fucking Christian Grey effect!_

_xxxxxx  
_

Ana lost all track of time as her thoughts drifted to her estranged husband and now she only had thirty minutes to get ready. She jumped in the shower and once again found herself grateful to Kate for insisting that they get laser hair removal on their legs and armpits. This was yet another of Kate's "_we must keep Ana from wallowing in her sorrows activities_". Not having to shave was a huge timesaver. She dressed quickly in dark fitted jeans, a grey cashmere turtleneck sweater and tall, gray Ugg boots. It was warm and snow friendly, just as Eric requested. She wore her hair down and kept her makeup natural. She got her passport and hurried downstairs to wait for her date.

When Eric arrived, he looked like he walked straight off the cover of GQ magazine. He wore jeans; a navy blue thick cable knit sweater and casual brown boots, topped with a gray wool car coat and a Burberry scarf. He held a gorgeous bouquet of white amaryllis and holly in his hands. When Ana opened the door to invite him in, he gave her a kiss on the cheek and handed her the flowers.

"Hi. You look amazing."

"Thanks. So do you."

"Here, these are for you. He said as he handed the gorgeous bouquet over to Ana.

"I know these are somewhat Christmas in theme we still have a week until Thanksgiving, but these just seemed fitting for the evening I have planned for us."

"Thank you. They're beautiful. I love them. Please come in while I put these in water."

As Eric steps around he stops to look around and then follows Ana to the kitchen.

"Wow. You guys have done an amazing job updating the place."

"Thanks. Have you been here before?"

"This was actually my grandparents' house. We lived here for almost a year when I was younger, while my parents were building their house."

"I had no idea."

"I didn't realize it either, until I got her this evening. After my grandfather died, my grandmother's Alzheimer's got worse and she had to be put in a home. My parents sold the house after she died. I never knew who bought it, but I always loved this place. It holds a lot of great memories."

"I'm happy to give you a tour if you'd like."

"Maybe another time. We have plane waiting on us." He said as he smiled his brilliant smile.

"Are you going to tell me where we are going?"

"Not a chance. Come on, let's go."

"Let me just grab my coat."

"Bring gloves and a hat or ear band if you have them handy."

"Good grief! Are we off to play in the snow?"

"Maybe. You'll just have to wait and see." He said with a wink.

With that they were out the door and off to the waiting black Escalade.

As the driver headed towards SeaTac, Eric held Ana's hand, giving it a reassuring squeeze every few minutes.

"I'm really glad you agreed to come out with me tonight. I wasn't sure you would say yes."

"I'm glad too. I've really been looking forward to it, even though where we are headed is such a mystery."

"Well, I'll give you a little hint. We are going to Canada. I had to give a detailed itinerary to your security, so it's not a complete mystery."

"Yes, Sawyer said he spoke with your security and we should be safe."

"Yes. I promise I'll keep you safe, Ana."

"Good to know. So where in Canada are we going, exactly?"

"We are going to Banff. Have you ever been?"

"No. But I've heard it's lovely. My in-laws went there for their anniversary a couple of years ago."

"I think it is amazing. I hope you like it too."

"I'm sure I will."

"Let's get to the plane. We should arrive in less than an hour by air."

"Lead the way, Mr. Allen."

There were two members of the Allen's security team waiting for them, as they boarded the private jet. It was larger than the GEH jet and decorated in pale gray and cream. As soon as they were seated, the flight attendant offered them each a glass of champagne. Eric accepted the flutes and handed one to Ana before making a toast.

"To new beginnings."

"To new beginnings," Ana repeated.

They clicked their glasses and took a sip of the delicious champagne. As they sat on the plane, they made small talk about their kids, the upcoming holidays and the launch of Eric's book.

As they began their descent, Ana was mesmerized by the beauty of Banff. It looked like something out of a storybook. They landed on a private airstrip and were surrounded by snow covered mountains and huge evergreens. It looked like the most beautiful winter wonderland she had ever seen. When they departed the plane, the sight before here stopped her in her tracks. Waiting at the bottom of the steps was a gorgeous hand carved wooden sleigh. It was painted a beautiful silver color with dove gray padded leather seats. The driver was wearing a traditional uniform straight out of a historic novel, with a bow tie, coat with tails and a large black top hat. There were two beautiful black horses, complete with sleigh bells leading the sleigh. Ana turned and looked back to Eric in shock; still taking in the sight before her.

"Your chariot, Madam."

"Eric this is amazing. I don't know what to say."

"I just wanted our fist date to be memorable."

"Well, I would say you are succeeding brilliantly so far."

"Thank you. Let me help you up."

As they got situated in the sleigh, Eric covered them with a large plaid blanket and the driver passed them fur hand muffs. There were small speakers on either end of the seat and as they started moving, an instrumental version of "Winter Wonderland" began to fill the sleigh and Eric began to sing softly.

"So you can sign too. Is there anything you aren't good at?"

"There are plenty of things. But I certainly don't want to tarnish your image of me on our first date."

"I guess I'll have to wait and see then."

"Yes, I suppose that you will." Eric said with a smile as he kissed the tip of her nose.

Beautiful instrumental music continued to fill the sleigh and Eric announced they were almost to their destination. When they turned the corner, Ana let out a gasp at the sight before her.

"This is the Fairmont Banff Springs. My family has vacationed here for years and I have business to attend to in the area on occasion. I've always loved it here. It is amazing year round, but in winter it is magical."

"Eric, it's beautiful. It looks like a castle. I feel like I'm in some sort of fairytale."

"Well then, your Majesty, let's see what the rest of this fairytale evening holds."

The driver helped them both out of the sleigh and there was a member of the hotel staff waiting to greet them.

"Mr. Allen, it's wonderful to see you again."

"Thank you, Jonathan. It's nice to see you too."

"We have the rooftop terrace prepared as your requested, if you'll follow me, I'll take you there."

"Thanks."

They follow Jonathan through the grand lobby of the hotel and into the elevator. When they depart the elevator, they are led out to a rooftop terrace. It is another scene straight out of a fairytale. There is a table for two in the center of the terrace. There is a beautiful centerpiece of white amaryllis, silver pine cones and greenery, surrounded by white votive candles in mercury glass holders. There are potted evergreens with white lights surrounding the terrace and more amaryllis surrounding all of the evergreens. It is magical.

"Eric, this is amazing. I can't believe you went to this much trouble."

"Ana, I wanted tonight to be perfect. Getting to know you over the past several months has been great. You have become so special to me and I didn't think we would ever be anything more than friends. Honestly, I didn't know if I would ever want to be with someone romantically after Kristin died, but you give me hope for the future."

Ana has tears in her eyes. Eric gently lifts her chin and looks into her eyes, as his other hand wraps around her waist.

"Hey, hey…no crying. This is supposed to be a fairytale evening. Look, Ana, I know this is all new to you. I've had almost three years to get this point, you haven't. I won't rush you, but I can't deny that every time we are together, my feelings for you deepen. Let's just enjoy tonight and see where things go, okay?"

"That sounds like a wonderful idea."

Eric pulls out Ana's chair for her and slides it in after she is seated. The waiter comes around with a bottle of champagne and pours them each a glass. Eric again takes the lead with a toast.

"To enjoying winter wonderlands."

Ana nodded and they once again clinked their glasses. The awkwardness of their earlier conversation was soon forgotten as they eased into a pleasant discussion of their favorite things. Throughout the dinner, there was a lovely assortment of classical music playing in the background.

When they finished their dessert, Eric stood and offered Ana his hand.

"I've got another surprise, but we have to go downstairs."

"I can't wait. You are full of surprises tonight."

"I try."

They took the elevator down and Jonathan was once again waiting to lead them to their next destination. As they exited the building, there were led to a small, private ice skating rink. Eric took her hand and led her to the entrance of the rink.

"I wasn't sure of your shoe size or if you skated, so I thought these might be easier for our first skating outing."

He pulled two pairs of cotton shoe covers out of his coat pocket and led Ana to sit on a small bench on the side of the rink. He got down on one knee and placed a shoe cover over each of her boots and repeated the process on his own boots. He stood up and took her hand once again.

"May I have this dance?"

"Eric, there is no music."

"Patience, Ana."

He led her to the center of the rink, as a song Ana remembered from an old movie, but couldn't immediately place, began to play.

_I can't believe it, you're a dream comin' true.  
I can't believe how I have fallen for you.  
And I was not looking, was content to remain.  
And it's ironic to be back in the game._

You are the one who's led me to the sun.  
How could I know that I was lost without you...

And I want to tell you, you control my rain..  
And you should know that you are life in my veins.

You are the one who's led me to the sun.  
How could I know that I was lost without you...

I can't believe it, you're a dream comin' true.  
I can't believe how I have fallen for you.

And I was not looking, was content to remain.  
And it's erotic to be back in the game

_**Fallen by Lauren Wood from Pretty Woman**_

Ana smiled as she listed to the lyrics and Eric led her around their ice rink "dance floor." As the song ended, Eric took her in his arms and kissed her. The kissed started off gentle, but soon became something more urgent and primitive. His tongue sought entrance to her mouth and together their tongues danced a seductive tango, complete with soft moans and the occasional biting of each other's lips. When they finally broke away, they were both breathless. Ana reciprocated Eric's huge grin and sunk her teeth into her bottom lip as she took in a large breath.

"Wow." Eric rasped.

"Yeah. That was some kiss."

"Well, there are more where that came from."

"Duly noted."

They embraced once more and began kissing once again. They pulled apart when the next song came on, as it was a much more lively melody. The song was Just the Way You Are by Bruno Mars.

_Oh, her eyes, her eyes, make the stars look like they're not shining  
Her hair, her hair, falls perfectly without her trying  
She's so beautiful, and I tell her every day_

Yeah, I know, I know, when I compliment her she won't believe me  
And it's so, it's so, sad to think that she don't see what I see  
But every time she asks me do I look ok, I say

When I see your face, there's not a thing that I would change  
Cause you're amazing, just the way you are  
And when you smile, the whole world stops and stares for a while  
Because girl you're amazing, just the way you are(yeah)

Her lips, her lips, I could kiss them all day if she let me  
Her laugh, her laugh, she hates but I think it's so sexy  
She's so beautiful, and I tell her every day

Oh, you know, you know, you know, I'd never ask you to change  
If perfect's what you're searching for then just stay the same  
So, don't even bother asking if you look ok  
You know I'll say

_When I see your face, there's not a thing that I would change  
Cause you're amazing, just the way you are  
And when you smile, the whole world stops and stares for a while  
Because girl you're amazing, just the way you are(yeah)_

They danced and laughed through about four more songs and then had a small snowball fight before deciding to call it a night. When they returned to the lobby, Jonathan was once again waiting for them, this time with two hot chocolates and hand warmers. They thanked him and sat by the fire inside the lobby sipping their hot chocolate and talking about their favorite parts of the evening. All too soon, Eric's security alerted them that the car was out front to take them to the airport.

As they took their seats on the plane to go back to Washington, Eric took Ana in his arms and covered both of them with a soft blanket. He stroked her hair and started singing Winter Wonderland once again. She looked up and turned around to straddle his lap. Taking his face in her hands, she kissed him with the same amount of passion he brought to their first kiss on the ice skating rink earlier that evening. She could feel his sizable erection under her and they continued to make out and grind against one another until the pilot announced they needed to be seated with their seatbelts on for landing. As images of the date passed through Ana's mind, one thing was certain. It was a magical evening and one she didn't want to see come to an end.

_**Author's note: Okay, please don't hate me. Again, with all of the cheating stories out there, it is always CG with the beautiful brunette, CG with the beautiful sub, don't we all think Ana deserves someone who rivals CG for a change? Please take the time to review. **_


	23. Chapter 23 Date Night - Christian's POV

**The Fifty Shades Trilogy and its characters belong to E.L. James. **

_**A/N: Hi everyone! I am sorry it has been so long without an update. With sick kids, work and the holidays, writing time has been scarce. I hope to have this story finished by the end of the year, so hopefully updates will be much more frequent. Just a reminder that I told you long ago we would have some major twists, and they are about to begin (not this chapter, but soon). Please stick with it for the ending, as I promise it holds a major surprise. This chapter is short, but you'll understand why when you see how it ends. Another chapter will follow later today or this evening. Enjoy.**_

_xxxxxx_

On Friday evening, after he put Teddy and Phoebe to bed, Christian tried to find sleep himself, but it was not to be. He kept replaying the conversation he had with Ana that afternoon over and over in his mind. Her words, and especially their implication, were haunting his every thought.

_"I'm still not sure if there is a future for us."_

"I have a date this weekend."

"I need to be sure you are still what I want."

"I need to explore my options...take a different path."

"I don't know if you are enough for me."

"It's time for me to discover myself again."  
  
She was moving on and he had only himself to blame. Even so, he wouldn't stop fighting for her. He would never stop fighting for her. Good luck with that Grey. This time you are up against America's favorite son, not some boy like Jose Rodriguez or a scum bag like Jack Hyde.  
Even if Eric Allen was as perfect as everyone made him out to be, that didn't make him perfect for Ana. She was his and he didn't like to share. He would find a way to get her back, he had to.

The next day, he took Teddy and Phoebe to the zoo. When they were headed home, after dinner at his parent's house, Phoebe went on and on about needing her stuffed giraffe to sleep with. Christian finally relented and asked Taylor to stop at the big house so they could pick up the giraffe. Christian was shocked when Sawyer came to greet them at re door.

_Why in the fuck wasn't he with Ana?  
_  
"Good evening, sir. I wasn't expecting you. Is everything alright?"

"Sawyer, what are you doing here? Why aren't you with Mrs. Grey?

"Ugh...ugh...Mrs. Grey has other security with her as I did not have my passport available, sir."

"What? What in the fuck do you mean, other security?" Christian looks as if he is about to explode. His face is red and a sheen f sweat has spread across his face.

"And. What. In. The. Fuck. Would. You. Need. A. God Damned. PASSPORT for?" Christian expresses every word with pure venom in his voice. If loos could kill, Sawyer would already be embalmed and six feet under.

"Sir, Mrs. Grey has a, a...ugh engagement with Mr. Allen this evening. He made all of the arrangements and ugh...I didn't find out until they were about to leave that they were going out of the country. Mr. Allen had two security personnel with him and Mrs. Grey insisted it was fine and ordered me not to call you or Mr. Taylor, sir.

"WHERE IN THE HELL IS SHE SAWYER?" Christian asked in such a menacing tone it made Sawyer flinch.

"They are in Canada, sir. At the Fairmont Banff Springs. I have confirmed their arrival and they are being transported to the hotel as we speak, sir."

Christian shuddered and closed his eyes as if in pain. Ana is headed to a hotel, in another country, with another man. FUCK!

"And Allen's security is with them?" Christian asked quietly.

"They are following them, sir."

"Following? Why?"

"Mrs. Grey and Mr. Allen were being transported from a private air strip to the Fairmont by sleigh, sir. The security was following in a separate vehicle."

"I see. When are they expected back?"

"Later this evening, sir."

_Thank fuck for that! At least they aren't spending the night together. Or maybe they are coming back here to sleep in your bed.  
_  
"Well, I better get Phoebe's giraffe and get going."

"Yes, sir."

As Christian headed up the stairs toward Phoebe's room, he was suddenly overcome with emotion and could not stop the tears that fell down his face.

_Why in the hell did I have to screw everything up? Am I too late to get her back?  
_  
When he reached the landing, he stopped in the master bedroom. Ana must have gotten ready in a hurry, as her clothes, which were usually put away, were thrown carelessly on the bed. The bed they shared for over seven years, the bed they used to make love in almost every night. He grabbed her t-shirt from the bed and inhaled her sweet scent - his favorite scent in the world. After a long while sitting on the bee, he got up and took the shirt with him. He grabbed Phoebe's stuffed giraffe and headed back out to car where Taylor and Ryan were waiting with the children.

Once they reached the new house, he did his best to enjoy the evening with his children. They watched a movie, played Go Fish! and he gave them a bath before putting them to bed for the night. When Christian finally made his way to his bedroom, he clutched Ana's shirt to him as he gave way to heart wrenching sobs. When sleep finally found him, he was faced with a new nightmare...the one where the love of his life headed off into the sunset with another man. She was with a man who was good and kind. A man who was better than him and who could give her the life she deserved. The couple smiled happily at each other as they headed off into a winter wonderland - via sleigh. In the nightmare, he was trying to run after the sleigh, but the snow was too deep and he couldn't possibly catch up. He kept calling after her, but she couldn't hear him over the music coming from the sleigh - "Winter Wonderland."

He woke up covered in sweat, calling Ana's name. He knew he couldn't continue like this. He felt more out of control than ever before. He had to do something to get rid of this feeling. He picked up his phone from the nightstand and scrolled through his contacts until he found the number of the one person he knew without a doubt could help him.

_**A/N 2: So, who do you think he called? Thanks for reading and reviewing.  
**_


	24. Chapter 24 - New Feelings and Old Scents

**The Fifty Shades Trilogy belongs to E.L. James, I'm just having fun with the characters and creating a few new ones to add to the excitement.**

_**Author's Note: Thank you for all of the review, PM's, favorites and follows. You guys are awesome. This is the first time I've ever written anything like this, so I really appreciate all of the support. As I mentioned in the last chapter, I really want to get this finished by the end of the year, so hopefully life will cooperate and I can accomplish that goal. I intended to update yesterday, but life got in the way. Don't you hate it when that happens? **_

_**No as for the story…Wow! You guys were all over the place on who you think he called…it shall be revealed soon! ;) We are back to Ana's POV at the beginning of the chapter, the finale of the date. Enjoy!**_

Ana's POV

The ride home from the airport was quiet, yet comfortable. Eric and Ana held hands and exchanged knowing glances and smiles. As they pulled into the driveway of her house, Ana felt butterflies in her stomach. It had been a wonderful evening. She felt at ease with Eric, like she could be herself. His kisses were passionate and evoked desires she wasn't sure she could have for anyone but Christian. For now, that was enough. She wasn't ready to bring it to the next level – yet.

She was brought out of her thoughts when Eric kissed her hand.

"We're here." Eric announced with a shy smile.

"So we are."

"Let me walk you to the door."

They departed the car and walked up the marble steps leading to the house. He stopped her at the threshold and turned her to him. He took both of her hands in his and gave her a gentle kiss on the lips.

"I had a wonderful time tonight, Ana."

"Me too. It… Eric, everything about tonight was amazing. Thank you"

"It was my pleasure. I hope we can do it again…soon."

"I'd like that."

"Great. Maybe dinner this week?"

"That sounds perfect."

"I'll call you tomorrow."

"Okay."

He leaned down again, lifted her chin and kissed her. The kiss was gentle at first, but it quickly turned into something more carnal. His tongue begged for entrance to her month and joined hers for an erotic tango. He reached down her backside and began to softly knead her behind. When she moaned into his mouth, he pulled her closer to him and she could once again feel his sizable erection against her belly. Her hands caressed his face and then moved up to his hair. He groaned against her mouth and when they finally pulled apart, they were once again breathless.

"I better go or I can't promise I'll be able to control myself much longer."

"Yes, I think that would probably be best. I'll see you later this week."

"Try and keep me away."

He kissed her softly once more and made his way to the waiting car. As he drove away, Ana smiled and headed upstairs to bed. When she entered her bedroom, her smile suddenly turned to a frown. She had shared this room, this bed, with Christian for over seven years. Could she ever share a bed with another man? Earlier tonight, she felt like she could, but now everything seemed different, clouded. As she lied awake in bed, she swore she could smell Christian, her favorite smell in the world. Of course, she knew that wasn't possible, as it had been over eight months since they had shared this bed together. The scent calmed her, but the comfort she found was only temporary, as she drifted off into a troubled sleep.

When she woke the next morning, she felt riddled with guilt. She felt guilty for being with another man and even more guilty for wanting to be with him. She felt as though she was betraying her vows, even though she knew that wasn't true. It didn't help that Christian's scent was still engrained in her senses. It was as if he had just been lying on the bed. _But he wasn't Ana. You've been sleeping alone for almost a year; you should be used to it by now._ The feeling that he was there certainly wasn't help to assuage the guilt she was feeling.

_Christian is the one who put you in this position, Ana. Every single time you feel a morsel of guilt, Google that elevator shot for a reminder._

She knew she needed to see where things went with Eric. He had become one of her best friends and closest confidantes over the last several months and there was no question he was becoming more. Ana couldn't help but smile as she thought back on their date the night before. It was a magical evening. It had been amazing from start to finish, a romantic, drama free evening with a beautiful man. Eric made her feel alive in a way she wasn't sure would ever be possible with a man other than Christian.

_Christian. Even when you are thinking about a perfect evening with another man, he creeps into your thoughts. _

Once again, Ana found her thoughts focused on her estranged husband. She needed to call him and arrange a time to talk. He seemed to really be making progress with this new therapist and she needed to be supportive. He was trying to talk to her and she had halted the conversation. In hindsight, she realized that she needed to find out what he was trying to confess to her, even though she knew it might further break her already shattered heart.

With that thought pushed to the back of her mind, she did what she knew she had to do. She picked up her phone and dialed her husband's number. She was surprised when it went to voice mail, as it was early and it was unlikely that he would already be out and about with the kids.

She left a message asking him to call her when he had a chance and returned her phone to the nightstand. Just as she was walking away it rang.

She smiled when she saw the name on her caller id and quickly answered the call.

"Eric, how are you?"

_**A/N 2: Well, where do you guys think Christian is? You'll find out soon…I promise. Thanks for reading and reviewing. Your reviews really do help the motivation to keep writing!**_


	25. Relieving Tension and Regaining Control

_**Author's Note: Thank you again for all of the reviews, PM's, favorites and follows. You guys are the best! Here is the much anticipated chapter where you find out who Christian called. I hope this chapter will also give a little more clarity on how he sees Elena at this point. **___

Dr. Morris did not hesitate at all in agreeing to meet with Christian when he called her cell phone requesting an emergency Sunday morning session. He was grateful for her willingness to meet with him early so he could return home to his children as soon as possible. He had left them in the capable hands of the Taylors, but he didn't want to waste a minute of his time with them. As he stepped into Dr. Morris' office, he found that he felt both nervous and hopeful. He was surprised at how much he had grown accustomed to, and in fact appreciated, her candor. She didn't take any of his shit and he found it surprisingly refreshing. He was snapped out of his reverie when Dr. Morris stepped out of her office to greet him.

"Christian. Good morning."

"Good Morning, Dr. Morris. Thank you so much for taking time to meet with me this morning. I appreciate your flexibility."

"Not a problem. I am glad you called. You sounded very upset on the telephone. Why don't you tell me what is on your mind."

"I don't even know where to start."

"Well, it's been less than forty-eight hours since you were last here. When you left on Friday, you were going to speak with Ana in more detail about your acts with your sub. Were you able to have that conversation?"

"Not exactly."

"Really, what happened?"

"I went to see her with the intention of telling her everything. We met at the house in the afternoon while the kids were still at school. We talked about a lot of things. I told her about the progress that we were making, about the addiction, about Elena. But when I tried to tell her about Nina she shut me down. She said she had always suspected there was more to it…that she knew how turned on I got in the playroom and she found it hard to believe there was no sexual element. She said she didn't need details and didn't want any more images in her head."

"Well, that is understandable from her perspective, especially considering the humiliation she has already suffered. But how does that make you feel?"

"I honestly don't know. Relieved in a way…I mean not to hurt her anymore than I already have. At the same time, I feel frustrated because I want a clean slate. This whole situation is such a fucking mess."

"Language, Mr. Grey. Please continue."

"Uh…sorry. Look, I just want her back. I want my family back and it seems that with each passing day that becomes less and less likely to happen. She went on a date last night."

"With the football player?"

"Yes, with the All-American, perfect boy next door football player."

_Mother fucker, to be more accurate._

"I see. How did you find out about the date?"

"She told me on Friday. She said that she wasn't sure if we still had a future, that she didn't know if she still wants me and that I may not be enough for her. Then she went on her perfect date with the Mr. All American and I know I am losing her."

"Well, as you've told me Christian, you are all she has ever known. You are the only man she has loved, the only man she has been intimate with and you broke her heart. It is only natural for her to explore her options, if you will."

"What the…"

"Let me finish, please. As I was saying, you have betrayed your wife, your marriage in the worst way and unfortunately, via a very public exposé. Ana has told you that she forgives you, but that doesn't mean you can pick up where you left off. Should you both decide to reconcile, I believe your union will be stronger with her having explored her feelings for another man."

"HOW ON EARTH WILL THAT MAKE IT STRONGER? SHE IS MEANT TO BE WITH ME!"

"What I am saying is that Ana has made it clear to you on several occasions that she still loves you, but she isn't sure if that is enough anymore. If she is able to explore her feeling for someone else, it may help her to realize the depth of her feelings for you and renew her commitment to your marriage."

"What if this exploration proves she loves him? I had nightmares all night about her choosing him over me. What if that happens?"

"Well, that is certainly possible. I won't lie to you, but either way, it is something she needs to do for herself. If you don't give her the space to do that, you'll lose her for sure."

"So you are saying I should just be okay with my wife fucking around with another man?"

"I'm saying that if you try to stop her, you'll simply push her further away. Right now, the best thing you can do is work on yourself. You need to have faith that if the two of you are meant to be together, you will be."

"Dr. Morris, I need Ana like I need air to breathe. These months without her have been the worst of my life and that is certainly saying something. I don't know if I'll be able to go on if this separation becomes permanent."

"Christian, I know this is difficult, but you will survive and I'm not entirely sure you won't win her back, but I know from everything you've told me, there is no chance of that happening until we deal with your need for control and how you cope with that need. I'd like to see you get her back, but we need to focus on this first."

"You're right. What do I do next?"

"Well, we've spent a lot of time talking about your addiction and the fact that it is not your love of kink per se that is a problem, but rather the fact that you have turned to the harsher aspects of BDSM to gain control. I believe we've determined that sense of control is in fact false. Would you agree at this point?"

"Yes. I mean, looking at things in the way that you've laid out, I've realized that the feeling of control I get from dominating is only temporary and later the lies and deception have made me feel worse than ever about myself."

"We've made some excellent progress, Christian. Another thing that I want to be sure that you understand is that people practice BDSM for a variety of reasons that are neither right nor wrong. Your introduction to BDSM at such an early and inappropriate age led you to believe it was the only way you could tolerate intimacy. I know that Ana showed you that that is not the case, but I want to talk a bit more about that because the problem I see is once again with Elena. I don't know how or why she became involved in BDSM, but I am confident from everything we've discussed, that she brought you in it as a way to control you and I would even go so far as to say manipulate you into believing you weren't worthy of any other form of affection. Christian, everyone deserves love and everyone is capable of giving and receiving love and affection in some form. Elena robbed you of your adolescence and further cemented your feelings of unworthiness. Without a doubt, her actions did you more harm than good. Again, this isn't about BDSM being right or wrong, it is about making you feel incapable of anything else. Does that make sense?"

"God Ana would love you."

"Look Christian, I just want you to see that when Ana opened your heart to love and affection, it became clear that you didn't need the harsher aspects of BDSM, the punishments if you will. You still don't. You became addicted to that as a coping mechanism because you didn't know another way. You know returning to that in any form will be the final nail in the coffin for your marriage, so it is time to talk about other coping mechanisms."

"Okay."

"Now, I know some of these are going to seem very strange to you, but I'd like you to promise to give them a try. If after you try, they simply don't work, we'll discuss alternatives."

"What are your suggestions?"

"Well, first I would like you to try target shooting."

"Target shooting, are you kidding me? I abhor guns. "

"I'm not suggesting you start carrying a concealed weapon, Mr. Grey, but I do think you could find target practice extremely beneficial in getting a sense of control and perhaps even exorcising some demons without anyone getting hurt. Just think about who you could imagine on the targets."

A small smirk appears on Christian's face as he considers this option.

"Well, I suppose I could try it, as long as no actual bullets are involved."

"No actual bullets, just blanks. Skeet shooting may also be something you would like."

"Don't hold your breath Morris, I said I'd try the target shooting, but don't look for me to go all Charlton Heston on this shit."

"Duly noted. I also have another suggestion."

"I can't wait."

"Well, I know you said in the past you've turned to kick boxing, running and weight training as a coping mechanism, but when things started spiraling out of control last year that wasn't enough, which is when you contracted with your sub."

Christian cringes at the memory.

"Yes."

"Well, I think there is a huge benefit in using a physical regime. Having the ultimate strength and control of your body gives one a huge sense of control."

"Yes, I've always been physically active."

"Well, let's try taking it up a notch. What about training for the Ironman Triathlon?"

"Are you serious? I'm thirty six years old and you want me to take up triathlons?"

"You are in excellent shape, you are driven, competitive, you like control and you like time to yourself. This combines all of that. Why not push yourself a little harder? What do you have to lose? I personally think you will be amazed at the feeling of control you could experience from such a competition."

_Who in their right mind wants to run a marathon, swim however many fucking miles and bike over a hundred miles?_

"I'll look into it, but I'm not making any promises on that one."

"Fair enough, but please do consider it. I think you'll be surprised by how much you could benefit emotionally from the experience."

"Whatever you say, Dr. Morris."

"Maybe we should meet first thing in the morning more often, you seem much more agreeable at this time of day."

"Just desperate to move forward at this point."

"Well, I think we've covered a lot of ground today. Before we meet on Wednesday, I'd like you to try at least one of these new activities. Do you think that will be possible?"

"Yes, I can't wait."

"Hmmm I can tell how sincere you are in that comment."

Christian's phone rings just as Dr. Morris is about to say something else. When he sees that is Ana, a look of panic crosses his face.

"Christian, what is it?"

"It's Ana."

"Don't you want to talk to her?"

"I don't know what to say. I honestly don't know if I can talk to her right now without making things worse."

"Well, why don't you spend the day with your children and think about what we've discussed. Call Ana back and arrange a time to get together and talk. Hopefully you are in a better place than when you called this morning."

"Yes, thank you, Dr. Morris."

"It was my pleasure. I will see you on Wednesday and don't forget your homework. I really do believe this will help you to relieve some of your tension and regain a sense of control."

"We'll see. I will try. Thanks again for coming in so early, especially on a Sunday."

With that, Christian turns and heads out of the office and back home to his children.

_**Well, what did you guys think? How do you like Dr. Morris' suggestions for Christian to feel in control? Good choice to call Dr. Morris? He really is trying! Thanks for reading and reviewing. **_


	26. Chapter 26 - The Truth, the Whole Truth

The Fifty Shades Trilogy and the characters belong to E.L. James. I am just having fun and adding a few new faces for the ride! The song in this chapter belongs to Katy Perry. I own nothing.

Ana and Eric were laughing on the phone and busy making plans for their next date when Ana's phone beeped, alerting her to another call. It was Christian calling her back.

"Hey Eric, I need to take this, but I'll see on Tuesday for lunch to finish the edits on the book and dinner on Wednesday."

"Sounds good. I'll miss you."

"Bye, Eric."

"Goodbye, Ana."

Ana clicked her phone and answered Christian's call.

"Hi Christian."

"Good morning, Ana. I'm sorry I missed your call. Is everything alright?"

"Yes. I was just hoping maybe we could talk later."

"Oh. Okay. Are you sure nothing is wrong?"

"Nothing is wrong. I just was thinking more about our conversation on Friday and I know that you came here to talk about things and I felt like brushed you off and didn't let you say what you needed to say. I'm sorry for doing that."

"Ana, you have nothing to apologize for. I would be happy to talk later. I am taking the kids over to Mia and Ethan's in a little while, they were asking about going out for dinner. Would you like to join us and maybe we could talk after they go to sleep?"

"Uh…sure. That would be fine. Do you know where you are going?"

"We didn't make a decision yet, but I am guessing if Teddy and Phoebe are deciding it will either be pizza or some God awful chicken nuggets from somewhere."

"Well, let me know once you've decided and I can meet you."

"You'll be the first to know. I'll see you later, baby."

"Bye, Christian."

"Goodbye, Baby."

The rest of the day flies by with Ana busy making lists for the following week, as her mom and Bob, as well as Ray, will be coming up for Thanksgiving.

_Thanksgiving. It would be the first major holiday since Christian and I separated and Christmas is just around the corner. Just get through them one at time. It's been eight months since they separated, surely it won't be that bad_. _Yeah right._

Christian called that afternoon to say that the kids wanted to go to Gino's for pizza, as expected. Ana offered to meet them there, but he insisted they would pick her up. Security alerted her when they arrived at the gate and by the time she made it to the front door, Christian was already standing outside of the car waiting for her, looking gorgeous as ever.

_God, why does he have to be so damned good looking?_

He gave her his shy smile and she noted a look of sadness or perhaps apprehension in his eyes.

"Ana, you look beautiful," he said as he took her hand and kissed her cheek.

"Thank you, Christian."

When she got in the car, the kids took over the conversation, filling her in on everything they had done over the weekend with their father.

"Well kids, it sounds like you had a great time with your dad. I sure missed you though."

"We missed you too mommy, what did you do while we were gone?" Teddy asked with an innocent smile.

And now it begins. She suddenly felt nauseous knowing Christian was starting at her intently waiting for a response.

"Oh, I just did some things around the house and had dinner with a friend last night."

She catches a glance at Christian and notices that his jaw is tense and he briefly closes his eyes and exhales.

_Shit! He knows! Well, that should add to the excitement factor for the evening._

"How was Canada, Ana? I hear the snow up there is beautiful right now…just perfect for a sleigh ride." The sarcasm was dripping from his tongue as he said the words and smirked at her.

_Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!_

Ana shoots daggers at Christian, reaches for her wallet and quietly speaks to the children.

"Kids, here are some coins, why don't you go and play air hockey? We'll keep an eye on your from here."

"Were you having me followed, Christian?"

"No Ana, I was not having you followed. We stopped by the house last night to get Phoebe's stuffed giraffe and Sawyer was there. I was concerned that he wasn't with you and he told me you were fine and that Allen's security was following while you were on your little fucking sleigh ride!"

Christian was seething. The pure venom in his voice shocked Ana to her core. If looks could kill, she surely would have been six feet under. Instead, she became angry. What right did he have to criticize her actions?

"Christian Grey don't you dare use that tone with me! I told you I had a date this weekend and I will not apologize for that. We've been separated for eight months. I have every right to go out with another man." The words came out with such force; she hardly recognized her own voice. Christian's expression registered a bit of shock too. _Good_, she thought to herself.

"Ana, I'm sorry. I don't want to fight. Let's just try to enjoy the evening with the kids and then we can talk later, okay?" Christian's voice was sincere and his eyes were filled with sadness or perhaps regret – probably a little of both.

"Okay."

Thankfully, the rest of evening went off without a hitch. The kids were obviously thrilled to have both parents together and Christian and Ana were clearly enjoying their happiness. When they returned to the house they went upstairs and bathed the kids and read bedtime stories. Once the kids were down for the count, Christian and Ana headed downstairs to the family room to talk. Christian quickly started a fire and Ana poured a glass of wine for each of them. They sat on the sofa facing each other in awkward silence, neither knowing quite where to begin. Christian finally took the lead.

"Ana, I'm sorry for making you uncomfortable at the restaurant. I swear I wasn't having you followed and I didn't purposely get information out of Sawyer about your date, I was just concerned about your safety."

"Christian, it's okay. Obviously this whole situation is going to be awkward for both of us, but we'll just have to deal with it as best as we can."

"So you are going to see him again?"

"Yes, yes I am."

Christian takes a big drink of wine and nods silently.

"Christian the reason I wanted to talk is that I was thinking more about our conversation the other day and I know you are working hard on yourself right now and I want to be as supportive as possible."

Christian tries to speak, but Ana raises her hand asking him to stop and resumes speaking.

"I know you came here on Friday to talk with me more about what happened with that woman and I really didn't give you a chance to finish. I am sorry for that and I know that couldn't have been easy for you. If your therapist thinks talking with me will be helpful, then that is what I want to do."

Christian takes a deep breath and turns his whole body to face Ana. His eyes are already moist and Ana is bracing herself for what she is about to hear. He gently takes her hand into his own and squeezes it softly, as he takes his other hand and tucks a stray piece of hair behind her ear. When he begins to speak, his voice is hoarse and full of emotion.

"Ana, I just want you to know that I love you and I am working so hard to become the man that you deserve – the man that I should have been for the last seven years. I am so sorry for the hell I've put you through. You will really love Dr. Morris. She's annoying as hell, doesn't put up with any of my shit, and makes me really face the things I've tried to avoid facing for years. She's even given me some new coping strategies for when I feel out of control, you'll love them."

"Really?" Ana visibly perks up, interested to hear about these new strategies.

"She wants me to take up target shooting, thinks it could be a big help."

"Christian Grey shooting a gun, I would pay to see that. I never thought I would see the day!"

Ana fails miserably at hiding her obvious amusement at the thought of Christian shooting a gun. She had tried for years to get Christian to learn how to shoot. Granted, she wanted him to learn as a defense mechanism, but she couldn't hide her pleasure that the good doctor thought it might be helpful too – even if it was for other reasons.

"Look, I'm not turned into some 2nd Amendment advocate, but I may go to the range and try it out – with blanks." Christian replied with his trademark cocky smirk.

"I think you'll like it." Ana replied with a sincere smile.

"Yes, I am sure you do." Christian said with laughter.

"We'll see. I'm going to try. She also suggested maybe a triathlon. I don't know about that, but it might be good to add some biking or swimming to my routine….worth a try anyway."

"Interesting, but I don't think that was what you wanted to talk to me about."

"No, no it isn't. You deserve the truth. Ana, when I took on a sub, I want you to know that I never intended to do anything sexual with her. I only ever intended for it to be an exchange of control. "

"Christian, I already know all of this. Why do we have to keep revisiting this nightmare?" Ana asked with annoyance.

"Because Ana, Dr. Morris has helped me to face my addiction to BDSM and how instead of it giving me control, it has actually taken control away. I got so wrapped up in the BDSM elements that I lost control and gave into my sexual desires. I let sexual gratification rule my senses. I betrayed you in the worst way and I am so sorry for that."

"So you did have sex with that whore? More than just the oral sex that whole world got to see?"

"Ana, I…yes. At the time, I didn't really consider it sex. I mean I knew it was sex, I just…there was no intimacy, no anything…I just….I just needed release and I gave in to that need."

Ana's expression is cold and emotionless. She isn't giving anything away. Finally, she pulls her hand away and looks Christian straight in the eyes as she speaks.

"Why did you lie…all those months we spent with Flynn, why did you lie to me?"

"Ana, I don't know. I…we only had anal sex and I used an instrument to bring her to orgasm a couple of times to reward her for taking her punishment so well…I wasn't thinking. I am so sorry. I know there are no words to make this better, but I will do anything to prove to you how sorry I am."

"**So you fucked some whore's ass and then came home to fuck me? How could you possibly think that would be okay, you sick son of a bitch! I guess I better go and get tested for STDs now. This just gets better and better!"**

"Ana please, I used protection. I'm sorry. This will never happen again. I finally see everything for what it was and I know I need to deal with things differently now. I finally see that. Please Ana, don't give up on me. Don't give up on us, on our family! Please!

"Don't give up? You are asking me not to give up? Fuck you, Christian Grey! This is your fucking fault, not mine. You could have come to _me_. You could have taken _me_ to that room. You could have talked to _me_. _I _would have done _anything _to be what _you _needed or to get you help. Instead, you took on a fucking whore and destroyed everything we built together. You destroyed our family, so don't you dare tell me not to give up. You threw it all away."

"Ana, please!"

"No, Christian. There is no more 'Ana, please'. No more 'Ana don't give up'. No more 'Please give me another chance'. I can't deal with this anymore. I need you to leave. NOW."

Christian stood to leave and faced Ana one last time.

"Where does this leave us, Ana?" Christian asked, once again looking like that lost little boy Ana always wanted to comfort and protect.

_Not this time. This is a step too far. Right now, you need distance._

"I don't know Christian, I just don't know."

_How in the hell do we come back from this? How much more can I take?_

"I love you."

She knew he meant the words with all of his heart, the heart he once swore he didn't have. She also knew that she loved him too, but in that moment, she couldn't utter them.

"Goodnight, Christian."

The dejected look on his face broke her heart, a heart she didn't think could break any further, yet just the sadness in his eyes, made it shatter a bit more.

"Goodnight."

There were tears streaming down his cheeks as he gave Ana one last look. For once, her tears didn't fall. She wondered if maybe they were finally dried up.

As Ana turned out the lights and headed upstairs, her heart felt heavier than it ever had before. She decided on a hot bath to help her relax, in the hope that sleep would not evade her as she began to process Christian's latest confession. She hit shuffle on her IPod and slipped into the welcoming hot water. As she listened to the words of the song, she realized they were a perfect reflection of her feelings.

_**I'm wide awake  
Yeah, I was in the dark  
I was falling hard  
With an open heart  
I'm wide awake  
How did I read the stars so wrong**_

I'm wide awake  
And now it's clear to me  
That everything you see  
Ain't always what it seems  
I'm wide awake  
Yeah, I was dreaming for so long

I wish I knew then  
What I know now  
Wouldn't dive in  
Wouldn't bow down  
Gravity hurts  
You made it so sweet  
Till I woke up on  
On the concrete

Falling from cloud nine  
Crashing from the high  
I'm letting go tonight  
(Yeah I'm) Falling from cloud 9

I'm wide awake  
Not losing any sleep  
I picked up every piece  
And landed on my feet  
I'm wide awake  
Need nothing to complete myself - nooohooo

I'm wide awake  
Yeah, I am born again  
Outta the lion's den  
I don't have to pretend  
And it's too late  
The story's over now, the end

I wish I knew then  
What I know now  
Wouldn't dive in  
Wouldn't bow down  
Gravity hurts  
You made it so sweet  
Till I woke up on  
On the concrete

Falling from cloud nine  
Crashing from the high  
I'm letting go tonight  
I'm Falling from cloud 9

Thunder rumbling  
Castles crumbling  
I am trying to hold on  
God knows that I tried  
Seeing the bright side  
I'm not blind anymore

Falling from cloud nine  
Crashing from the high  
(Ya' know) I'm letting go tonight  
I'm falling from cloud 9

_**Wide Awake – Katy Perry**_

As the song ended, she realized she was tired, tired of fighting what felt like a losing battle. She realized she had lost all hope for her marriage and wondered if it was finally time to let go.

xxxx

_**A/N: Okay, I think we have two more chapters until the first of three big twists. I've told you all along that they are coming…so please be prepared. I hope you'll stick it out to the end of this story, which I hope is just a couple of weeks away, as the ending has a twist that I think will surprise everyone. Thanks again for reading and reviewing.**_


	27. Chapter 27 - A Different Path

_**Author's note: Okay, here it is. I debated breaking this up into three chapters, thus the xxx's at certain points, but decided to put it all out in one shot. Here goes. Just remember, things aren't always as they seem and everything always looks different the morning after.**_

_**The Fifty Shades Trilogy belongs to E.L. James. **_

Ever since the confrontation with Christian, Ana had been talking with Eric non-stop; as well as texting and emailing multiple times a day. It reminded her of her early days with Christian. The emails were fun and flirty and always seemed to put a smile on her face. They were also helping her to forget the messy state of her marriage.

They shared an intimate dinner the night before Thanksgiving in a private room at the Seattle Yacht Club. The conversation once again flowed easily and the sexual tension was high. The champagne flowed freely and they were engaging in full on flirting, accompanied by frequent lustful gazes. As the evening came to a close, Eric stepped away from the table to have a moment with the waiter who had been staffing the room for the evening. When he returned to the table, Ana noticed the waiter had left the room. She gave Eric a questioning look and he responded by standing and taking her hand.

"May I have this dance?" His eyes hooded with desire.

"I'd be honored, Mr. Allen." He pulled her close as they danced, his hands caressing her back and tracing the low cut v pattern of the back of her dress.

"You look beautiful tonight, Ana. This dress is amazing."

"Thank you. You don't look so bad yourself."

Her voice was husky and she found herself moving a bit closer to him. He bent down, lifted her chin up and gave her a soft kiss that left her longing for more. He gently moved her hair off of her shoulders and began to nuzzle her ear and kiss her neck. She moaned in response and he returned to her lips. This time the kiss was harder, more urgent. His tongue sought entrance to her mouth and she willingly complied. Their tongues began a sensual caress and his hands moved to her buttocks, as hers went to his hair. He once again left her lips and returned to his sensual assault to her neck. He carefully lifted her and placed her on the table, as they engaged in a heated make-out session. She wrapped her legs around his torso and felt his throbbing erection against her belly. When they finally broke apart they were both breathless and Ana's core was throbbing.

'_Breathe Ana, breathe'._

"Mr. Allen, that was…wow!"

"I agree, wow."

"Well, I guess we should go," Ana said with disappointment in her voice.

"I suppose we should. Ana, I've really enjoyed our time together and I'd really like to explore the possibilities of what we could have together. I have to go to New York next weekend for a fundraiser and I would like you to come with me. We could make it a work trip. I know you wanted me to meet with some of the publicists out there anyway. I'd really like for us to have some time together to see where this is going." His eyes were full of hope as he said the words and Ana wasn't sure she could resist him.

"Eric, I don't know. I mean, I'm still married. Think of how it would look for us to be going to a New York fundraiser together. The press would have a field day."

"Ana, I don't give a damn what the press or anyone else has to say. You've been separated for eight months and everyone in the country knows why. I really don't think anyone would begrudge you for moving on."

'_Moving on…is that what she was doing? Maybe she should go, see what all of this means.'_

"Eric, I'd like to think about it if that is okay with you."

"Of course, just promise me you'll consider it." Eric gently caressed her face as he said the words.

"I will. I really should be going now." She said as she lowered herself down from the table.

Eric once again took her face in his hands. His eyes were full of desire, desire for her.

"Please." _Kiss_ "Come." _Kiss_ "With." _Kiss_ "Me." Ana moaned in response to his words and affections, her desire was beginning to cloud her judgment. She pulled away seeking clarity.

"I will think about it. I need to go. Have a wonderful Thanksgiving with your family."

"You too, Ana. I'll talk with you tomorrow."

"Yes, tomorrow." Ana said wistfully. "Thank you again for _another_ lovely evening."

"You're welcome. Thank you." His voice was filled with sincerity as he said the words.

Eric gave her one last kiss as they each headed to their respective cars and drivers. As Sawyer drove her home, Ana's mind drifted to back to the events of the evening. After the sexual tension tonight, she knew that New York with Eric would undoubtedly mean sex with Eric. Was she ready for that?

'_You've got to get over this sometime, Ana. You are separated. Christian didn't think twice about betraying you while you thought you were happily married.'_

Unfortunately, moving forward is a lot easier said than done, especially when there are children involved and your sisters in law are your two best friends. Life was complicated, especially with the last name Grey. It was just one more thing for her to think about. Right now, she needed to focus on getting through Thanksgiving Dinner with the Greys, with Christian.

'_Good times Ana, good times.'_

Thanksgiving Day was surprisingly comfortable and Ana and Christian managed to remain civil to one another, though she avoided him most of the day. He had tried to pull her aside to talk, but they were interrupted by Teddy asking his father to play a game with him and his cousins. Christian could never refuse the kids and Ana was grateful for the respite. The rest of the family, with the exception of Kate, was sensitive to their situation and tried to keep the conversation light. Kate, however, was Team Eric all the way and didn't miss an opportunity to rub it in Christian's face whenever possible.

Just as they were about to leave the table after dinner, Kate took the opportunity to once again rile Christian's feathers.

"Oh Ana, when you are in New York next weekend, would you be able to pick up a couple of things for me at Bergdorf Goodman?" Kate smiled sweetly as Ana shot daggers at her.

Ana could tell that Christian was trying hard to maintain his composure. He turned to her with angry grey eyes and his mouth set in a thin line. She shot him her own stony glare and he managed to soften his glacial expression.

"I didn't realize you were going to New York. You should take the jet, how long will you be gone?" His voice didn't reveal his irritation, but Ana knew he was struggling to remain calm.

"I haven't decided for sure if I am going, but if I do go, it will be for meetings on Friday and then I will probably stay until Sunday."

'_Please don't ask questions, please don't ask questions.'_

"If you decide to go, I can make sure the apartment is ready and I'd really feel better if you took the jet."

_How in the hell are you going to get out of this one, Ana?_

"As I said, nothing is final yet. I really don't need the jet, but thank you for the offer." N_ow please drop the subject. Please._

"Well, once you decide, let me know and I can have the apartment ready and we can discuss the jet." Christian narrowed his eyes as he said the words, daring her to question him. He clearly knew there was more to this trip and she wondered when she would have to face his wrath.

Thankfully, Grace took charge of the situation and turned the attention on the children, who were busy making Indian headdresses and pilgrim hats in the sunroom for a Thanksgiving show they were putting on for the adults. The show was adorable as the kids acted out the first Thanksgiving and then said what they were most thankful for. When it was Phoebe's turn, she said she was thankful she got to see her mommy and daddy all day and they were a family again for Thanksgiving. Christian and Ana looked to one another and both had tears in their eyes. The rest of the family fell silent, not sure what to say. This time, Elliott broke the silence and announced they still hadn't heard what Ava was thankful for. Everyone turned their attention back to the show and the discomfort ebbed away. As the evening came to a close, Ana got her coat and purse and went to say goodbye to the children, who were spending the night with Christian.

"Okay guys, I will see you tomorrow and we can start decorating the house for Christmas, how does that sound?"

"Okay mommy, is daddy gonna do the lights on the tree?" Teddy asked hopefully.

"I don't know sweetie, daddy might be busy." She didn't realize Christian was behind her as she said the words. He was quick to reply.

"Son, there is nothing I would like more that to help with the tree, that is if it's okay with mommy."

"Of course. We can go and get the tree tomorrow afternoon when you guys come home."

"Sounds perfect." Christian said as he looked into Ana's eyes. "Let me walk you out."

"Sure." Ana gave both kids a kiss and hug and turned to walk out with Christian. As they reached the car, he took a deep breath before speaking.

"So, New York."

"Christian, I told you, I am not even sure I am going."

"It's with him, isn't it? That's why you don't want the plane or the apartment." It was a statement, not a question.

"Christian, I would be going for business, but yes, it would be with Eric, to talk to the New York publicists about promoting his book."

"I see." Ana could see the hurt in his eyes, and as much as she wanted to make it better, this time she couldn't. She hadn't made up her mind about New York yet, but she knew she still needed distance from Christian. As hard as it was for both of them, she knew it was what she needed."

"Well, I guess I'll see you tomorrow to trim the tree?" She was trying to keep her tone even and not reveal any of the emotions she was feeling.

"Right. I'll see you then. Goodnight, Ana." His voice was hoarse and full of emotion.

"Goodnight, Christian."

The following day they decorated the tree and then played in the snow. It was a good day and Christian hadn't brought the New York trip up again. Ana was once again conflicted about her feelings for both Christian and Eric. She didn't want to hurt anyone, but she knew that was out of her control at this point. Things had already progressed too far with Eric and remained uncertain with Christian. No matter what she did at this point, it was inevitable that someone was going to be hurt – someone she loved.

A few days later, following a tense session with Dr. Martin, Ana made the decision to go to New York with Eric. She knew that in doing so, she may be saying goodbye to her life with Christian forever. She wasn't sure if he would ever want her again if she was intimate with Eric and she honestly wasn't sure if it mattered anymore. What she did know, is that she owed it to herself to explore a different path. She always thought Christian was her happily ever after and never believed she would ever want to consider being with someone else. He had been more than enough for her and that would have lasted a lifetime – and then he destroyed that. She knew that she cared a great deal about Eric. She was comfortable with him. He made her feel safe and loved. It was time to find out if he was meant to be more.

xxxx

As Ana boarded the plane, she was filled will both excitement and trepidation. She cared deeply for Eric and she was hoping this weekend would give her the clarity she so desperately needed. Clarity on which path was right for her. Eric welcomed her on board with a beaming smile. It was a warm and loving smile that quickly melted her trepidation away. He gave her a soft kiss and gestured to the seat next to him. Sawyer and two members of Eric's staff were also on board, so the time on the plane was mostly filled with work, as they would be meeting with three potential publicists that afternoon. When they arrived at the Trump Hotel Central Park, Ana was surprised to discover that Eric had booked them in separate suites.

'_Maybe this was all in your head. He doesn't want you, all that fretting for nothing.'_

As they stepped off the elevator, Eric walked Ana to her suite, which was right next to his.

"I thought you might be more comfortable if we had separate rooms. I…I didn't want to make any assumptions." He said with utter sincerity.

'_He really is a good guy.'_

"Thank you. I appreciate the consideration. Should we freshen up and meet back here in about twenty minutes?"

"Sure. I'll see you shortly."

With that, they both headed into their respective rooms. As Ana closed the door behind her, she tried to figure out what she was feeling. Disappointment? Surprise? Rejection? She wasn't sure what it was, but she knew it wasn't at all what she was expecting. The rest of the afternoon was productive. After lunch at the hotel, they met with the publicists and then went for a walk in Central Park before returning to rest before dinner. That night, they dined at Le Bernardin in midtown and walked around Fifth Avenue looking at the holiday displays in the store windows. It was a laidback, romantic evening, free of drama and grand gestures. It was nice. As they approached Central Park, Eric had a word with the security and led Ana around the corner, where a beautifully decorated horse drawn carriage was waiting for them. The driver passed Eric a warm blanket and soon his assistant arrived with two travel mugs of hot chocolate. Just as the carriage began to move, the snow began to fall. It was perfect.

"Since we enjoyed the sleigh ride so much in Banff, I thought it might be fun to try a carriage ride here, I hope you don't mind."

"Not at all, it's perfect. Thank you." They cuddled under the blanket as they sipped their hot chocolate and enjoyed the beautiful surroundings. Eric held her hand and kissed her forehead softly. Ana looked up and saw pure adoration in his eyes; she gently caressed his face and found herself pulling him to her. Before she knew it, they were engaging in another full blown make-out session.

Ana had no idea how much time had passed, but soon they were pulling up in front of the hotel. Eric helped her out of the carriage and protectively wrapped an arm around her. When they entered the hotel Sawyer was waiting in the lobby along with a member of Eric's security. Eric told them they wouldn't be needed for the rest of the evening and they headed up to their rooms. When they arrived at Ana's suite, Eric turned her toward him and spoke quietly.

"I had another wonderful evening with you, Ana. Thank you." He seemed tentative as he said the words.

"Thank you." Ana wasn't sure what else to say, but once again, this wasn't how she expected the night to end.

"I wanted to surprise you tomorrow, take in some of the sights in the city."

"I would love that. I've never really been a tourist in New York City."

"I know. You told me. I thought we could enjoy it together."

"Sounds great."

"Good. I'll meet you here at 7:00 a.m. and we can have breakfast and then head out if that works for you."

"That would be perfect."

"I will see you in the morning." He bent down, gave her a chaste kiss and bid her goodnight. She felt confused and bereft when he left. After showering and getting ready for bed, she called her children to say goodnight and fell asleep to dreams of blue eyes and grey eyes.

xxxx

The following day was a dream come true for Ana. As promised, Eric took her to see all of the sights of the city. They visited the Statue of Liberty, the World Trade Center Memorial, Yankee Stadium, the Empire State Building, and the Metropolitan Museum of Art. They ended the day with hotdogs and a stroll through Central Park. It was a normal day, doing normal things. It was something she never would have experienced with Christian and it felt good. She felt like Ana Steele again, the simple girl from Montesano. Since it was winter, they were both bundled up in warm coats, scarves and hats. It was nice being incognito for a change. They held hands and exchanged kisses throughout the day. When they returned to the hotel to get ready for the fundraising gala, Eric once again walked Ana to her door, ever the perfect gentleman. Only this time, his kiss was urgent and filled with longing. His tongue begged for entrance into her mouth, which she eagerly granted. This time it was more than a make-out session, this time it was a promise for something more. When they finally broke away from one another, they were both panting with need. Eric was the first to speak.

"I'm not sure I'll make it another night without you."

"Who said you would have to?"

"Ana, please make sure you know what you are saying. I would never force you into something you aren't ready for."

"I know that Eric and I appreciate it more than you know. Now, Mr. Allen, I need to get ready. I'll see you shortly."

"I'll be back in an hour."

"See you then."

Upon entering her suite, Ana smiled to herself and took a deep breath to calm the butterflies in her stomach. As she dressed for the fundraiser, she wore only a nude thobng, as her dress had a built in bra. She wore a nude Monique Lhuillier tulle gown with red embroidery. She wore her hair back in a loose bun with tendrils around her face. As always, she kept her make-up simple and wore simple pearl earrings and sky high gold glitter peep toe Louboutin pumps. When she opened the door for Eric, she was rewarded with a deep intake of breath and an audible gasp.

"Ana, you look amazing. I mean, WOW! That dress is just amazing. You are look beautiful."

"Thank you. You don't look so bad yourself. Shall we go?"

It takes Eric a moment to gather his wits and respond. As he looks Ana up and down once again, his pupils dilate and his eyes darken.

"Maybe we should skip the fundraiser."

"And waste this beautiful gown? Not a chance, Mr. Allen. Let's go. Sawyer is waiting in the lobby."

As they exited the elevators and entered the bustling lobby, all heads turned in their direction. Small children asked if they were a real life prince and princess and Ana and Eric could only smile and laugh in reply. It did feel like a fairytale and Ana found herself hoping that it wouldn't end when the clock struck midnight. The event they were attending was being held at the Plaza Hotel in the Grand Ballroom. They were entering the hotel from the side entrance in the hopes of avoiding the press and paparazzi. Unfortunately, a couple of stray photographers had gotten into the hotel and managed to capture shots of them entering the event. Determined not to let the intrusion ruin their evening, they continued into the event. They were immediately greeted by some of Eric's old football friends and their spouses. They all made Ana feel very comfortable and expressed how happy they were that he seemed to have found happiness. When Ana excused herself to use the ladies room, she suddenly felt out of breath and strangled by her inner thoughts.

'_Oh Ana, what have you gotten yourself into? Are you ready to be Eric's happiness? What about Christian's happiness? By doing this, you'll be destroying him. Are you prepared to do that, to destroy the only man you've ever loved?' _Suddenly her subconscious reared her not so ugly head and reminded her that this situation they were in was because of Christian's mistakes, not hers.

'_He's the one who took on a sub, who let that sub and his sexual desires control him. This is his fault, Ana. You owe it to yourself to see if you can be happy with someone else. This is your chance to see once and for all what is right for you.'_

Ana reentered the ballroom with a renewed confidence. She took another glass of champagne from the waiter and went in search of Eric. When he saw her he quickly wrapped his arms around her waist and whispered in her ear.

"You know, you are the talk of the party. Everyone is commenting on how gorgeous you look tonight."

"Hmmmm. I think maybe they are commenting on the gorgeous man that is with me."

"Not a chance. Dance with me?"

"I would love to."

Eric took her hand and led her to the dance floor. They were lost in each other as they danced to "You're Still You" by Josh Groban. As she listened to the words of the song, it made Ana wonder if they were true. After all that she has been through, was she still the same? Could she ever be the same again? Did she even want to be? Then she made a decision. She decided that for once in her life, she wasn't going to over think things. For once in her life, she was going to live in the moment. They spent the rest of the night dancing, mingling and drinking champagne. By the time they made it back to the hotel, the sexual tension between them was at an all time high, no doubt heightened by the alcohol in their system. Ana had broken Christian's number one drinking rule: "no drinking on an empty stomach," and she didn't give a damn.

Sawyer shot her a worried look when she told him she wouldn't need him anymore for the evening and she and Eric headed up the elevator to their floor. He held her tightly to him and gently kissed her neck. When they reached the familiar spot outside her room, he looked into her eyes and took a deep breath.

"Ana, I don't want this night to end."

"Then don't let it end." She could hear the longing in her own voice and she meant every word.

"I have some champagne in my suite, come with me?" It was a request rather than a command, something else that Ana found refreshing. She smiled and eagerly shook her head in agreement. He took her hand and led her to his room.

xxx

As they entered his suite, he led Ana to the sofa in the sitting area and went for the champagne. He quickly came back with two glasses and made a toast.

"To an amazing weekend."

"To an amazing weekend."

They brought their glasses together and Eric got up to place his phone in the sound system for the suite. As the music began to play, he returned to her side and in no time they were a mess of hands and tongues, giving way to their mutual desires.

"Oh Ana, I want you." Eric moaned in her ear.

"I want you too." Ana replied breathlessly.

"Are you sure? I don't want you to do this if you aren't ready."

When Ana looked at him, she saw the uncertainty in his eyes." She took his face in her hands, kissed him softly and gently licked and bit at his earlobe as she whispered in his ear.

"I'm positive. I want this."

With that, he lifted her from the couch and pulled her into a deep kiss. He was caressing her entire body through her gown as he kissed her and he finally made his way to the back of her dress. He carefully undid the button at the top and unzipped the dress. As he slid her dress down her body and continued to caress her, she slipped his shirt off and rubbed his muscular chest and arms on her way down his body. She quickly undid his belt an unzipped he pants and pulled them down. Their eyes were closed and they were lost in their kisses as they stood nearly naked. She stroked him over his boxers and then finally slid her hand inside. She carefully pulled the boxers down and stroked his erection. He let out a strangled moan that spurred her desire as she sped up her menstruations. He pulled away from their kiss and looked her in the eyes. Without speaking, he moved to her neck and then her breasts. He kneaded them with this hands and taunted her hardened nipples with his tongue. As he took her breast in his mouth, he nipped and sucked it while caressing the other with his hand. All the while, she continued to stroke him and fondle his balls in her hands. Finally, he lifted her in his arms and carried her to the bedroom.

As he laid her on the bed, the song Feel This by Enation played in the background.

_**It's gotta be this one  
You don't have to fake it  
You know I can take it  
What if I told you your tears haven't been ignored?  
And everything that was taken can be restored?**_

Feel this  
Can you feel this?  
My heart beating out of my chest?

Feel this  
Can you feel this?  
Salvation under my breath

It's gotta be just right  
The soul and the spirit  
The chord and the lyric  
What if I told you that innocence is yours?  
And the beauty you have now is brighter than before?  
Before

Feel this  
Can you feel this?  
My heart beating out of my chest?

Feel this  
Can you feel this?  
Salvation under my breath

(...feel my soul...)  
Let go  
Let go and believe  
Let go  
Let go and believe

Feel this...

He slowly removed her panties and they both lay naked, each taking in the sight of the other without a word. He caressed her hair and tucked a stray strand behind her ear as he leaned down to kiss her. She was wanton with desire as he kissed his way down her body. He carefully parted her thighs and brought his lips to her sex. He slowly licked the length of her fold and then sat up, his naked body before her, as hers lie begging for his touch. He lifted her legs and placed them on his shoulders, he brought her sex to his mouth, forcing her to use her arms to balance herself. One again he licked her, without entering her, and then took his hand and parted her folds. She moaned with desire as he put two fingers inside her. He removed his fingers and replaced them with his tongue, putting his finger across her lips. As she licked her own arousal, he plunged his tongue deeper inside of her and with her legs over his shoulders holding her safely in place; he took one hand and fondled her nipples, while he dipped the other back inside of her. He took his fingers, moist from her arousal, to her rear where he entered first one and then two as he continued to lick, nibble and suck her sex. The feeling was indescribable and Ana felt herself coming undone from the pleasurable assaults on her clitoris, anus and breasts. Using the strength in her forearms, she pushed her body forward enough to grab hold of Eric's erection, as she jerked her hand up and down, he began to moan, calling out her name as he continued his menstruations on her body.

She began to feel her walls tighten and screamed in ecstasy as she came. He continued to lick, suck and nibble until her spasms stopped. He lowered her back to the bed and kissed her deeply, filling her with the taste of her own arousal. He left the bed to find his pants, where he retrieved a condom. He quickly slid it on and entered her slowly. She adjusted herself to accommodate his full length and he slowly swayed his hips and kissed her softly, moving from her lips to her neck and finally her breasts. As she begged him to go faster, he circled his hips once again and pulled out. He slammed back into and then pulled out again. As she screamed for more, he flipped her over and took her from behind. He was gentle at first, but with Ana begging for it harder, he began to slam into her until they came together.

As she came down from her climax, Ana pushed away the feelings of guilt and doubt and reveled in the soothing touch of the gorgeous man beside her. As he gently caressed her, she turned to face him and suddenly found herself kissing him. As the kiss deepened, she felt his arousal twitch below her. He pulled away and stroked her face gently as he spoke softly.

"Ready for round two?"

"Hmmmm. I think so and it seems like you are as well."

"I do believe so."

And they were lost to each other – again. Throughout the night, as one of them would stir, the other would wake. It was as if their bodies were already attuned to one another, as they repeatedly indulged each other.

To see Ana's dress, google Look 45 Fall 2012 Monique Lhuillier runway.

_**Don't hate Ana, it's not over yet. Remember, things aren't always as they seem. Thanks for reading and reviewing. Twist #1 coming soon. Happy Holidays!**_


	28. Chapter 28 - Release, The Morning After

_**The Fifty Shades Trilogy and characters belong to E.L. James.**_

_**Author's Note: Wow! You guys were a house divided on the last chapter. I expected some backlash, but hope the coming chapters will make things a little more clear. We are nearing the end of the journey. I think we have about six chapters left, which I am hoping to finish this week…though my children may make that difficult. As always thanks for reading. Happy Holidays**_!

**Christian's POV - Release**

Christian woke up with a heavy heart, not quite sure how to survive the day. Of course this feeling was nothing new. In fact, it was one he had become quite familiar with over the last eight months.

'_Ever since you fucked everything up, Grey.'_

But today was different. Today, he somehow knew that Ana was no longer his. He was certain that this weekend away with that Allen fucker would seal their fate. How could he have been so stupid? He took her love for him for granted. He thought she would always be there, no matter what.

'_And she would have if you hadn't betrayed your vows. You knew her biggest fear was that she wasn't enough and you proved her right by taking on that sub.'_

Christian knew there was nothing in life he regretted more than betraying Ana and destroying his marriage, his family. The family that he never dreamed he would have and the one that meant more to him than anything else in the world. And he wasn't about to give up on getting his family back. He was going to fight for Ana and prove to her that he had changed. He would never go back to that dark place again.

"Taylor!" Christian called with his usual force.

"Yes, sir."

"We need to go to a shooting range today."

"Yes, sir. Would you prefer an indoor or outdoor range, sir?"

"Ugh. I don't suppose it matters much. They have indoor shooting ranges?"

"Yes sir, you can even purchase a lifetime membership. I have one. I can bring you as my guest if you'd like."

"Ugh. Sure. How soon can we go?"

"Let me call and reserve a couple of lanes."

Christian was surprised that Taylor didn't question the request, especially considering that he is well aware of Christian's abhorrence to guns, but he didn't feel the need to question his readiness to comply with the request. Taylor was probably relieved that he was finally going to learn how to shoot, something he had been encouraging him to do for years; much to his annoyance. Later, as they were driving to the shooting range, Christian's apprehension began to grow. He was embarking on a path he never imagined taking, with an instrument he vehemently despised. How in the hell did he let himself get talked into this one?

'_You said you'd do anything to get Ana back and Dr. Morris thinks this could be an effective outlet when you are feeling out of control.'_

God knows he'd never felt so out of control before. If this might help, he was willing to try it. As they pulled into the parking lot, Christian had to admit he was pleasantly surprised that the building and surrounding areas were relatively new and very well maintained. Somehow, when he thought of guns, he always pictured run down neighborhoods and trouble makers, much like the neighborhood in Detroit that he had tried to block out of his memory. He had forgotten about law enforcement, members of the military and sportsman who needed to be a good shot. As they approached the building, Taylor explained that they had the entire facility, with the exception of the staff, to themselves for the afternoon. He had also faxed over an NDA to the manager to ensure discretion. Christian nodded in appreciation and continued into the building. It was then that Taylor mentioned a friend would be joining him, putting Christian on high alert.

"What in the fuck do you mean a friend, Taylor? I didn't ask you to contact anyone. Who in the hell is coming here?"

Before Taylor could respond, a familiar voice greeted him from behind.

"Hello Christian. I thought you might need a friend today. I'm an avid hunter you know. In fact, I'm a rather excellent shot, if I do say so myself."

The voice belonged to John Flynn. When Christian turned to greet him, he had a bemused expression. Flynn chuckled and extended his hand.

"John, what are you doing here, how did you know I'd be here?"

"As I said, I thought you could use a friend. When I recommended Dr. Morris to you, you signed a disclosure waiver, allowing us to discuss your files. Lynn and I had lunch last week and she told me what she was recommending as alternative outlets for your control issues. I must say, I think it is brilliant. I wish I had thought to recommend it myself. As for how I knew you would be here, I called Taylor after my lunch with Lynn and asked him to let me know when you were coming. When he called, I cleared my schedule so I could be here. I do hope you don't mind the intrusion."

Christian wasn't sure how to reply. He and John Flynn had certainly become close over the years and they socialized on occasion, especially since Ana and Rhian got along so well, but he was surprised to hear Flynn refer to himself as a friend. He had never really had many friends and was touched that Flynn considered him in that regard. Snapping himself out of his reverie, he recovered his composure and replied.

"Thank you, John. I appreciate that. It's good to have you here."

"Well, let's get started, shall we?"

Taylor led the way, as Flynn and Christian followed behind. The owner of the range personally took them through the pistol orientation and safety measures and helped Christian settle on a weapon. He chose a Glock, 4th Generation 9 mm gun. He learned everything about the gun including how to aim, fire and reload the weapon. The owner also gave them a tour of their state-of-the-art Meggitt XWT target retrieval system with computer touch screen control to allow virtually limitless shooting scenarios. It can make your target run toward you or turn a full 360 degrees for more realistic 'Good Guy/Bad Guy' training situations. Simple bulls eye shooting targets were available as well. Finally, each of them was given a pair of noise blocking headphones and they headed off to shoot. Christian led the way with Flynn and Taylor following closely behind.

When they reached the bulls eye target area, Christian grew apprehensive. He suddenly wasn't sure if he could go through with this. Flynn sensed his discomfort and gave him a friendly pat on the back.

"Christian, just try it. I really think you may be surprised by how effective this can be in giving you a sense of control. Perhaps you can picture someone on the target, say Jack Hyde and perhaps that will make it a bit easier." Flynn spoke with a smile on his face and Christian couldn't help but to mirror the expression.

"Yes, I suppose there are several faces I could picture on these targets that might help lessen the discomfort." Christian replied with a smirk.

"Well then, take your pick and picture him or her on the target."

Christian positioned himself in the booth and took aim. His first target wasn't perfect, but he landed on the circle. On his second shot, he pictured Hyde – excellent shot. The third shot, the crack whore's pimp – right where his heart would be, if he had one. The fourth shot – Elena Lincoln – bulls eye.

'Ana would be proud,' he thought to himself with a smile. Noticing he had stopped shooting, Flynn stepped around to Christian's booth to make sure he was holding up okay. When he caught view of his target and the smile on his face, he knew his friend and former patient was more than okay. In fact, he might just be enjoying this. Christian fired several more successful rounds and finally stepped away with a very satisfied expression as he took in his mauled target.

Taylor came around shortly after he finished and was the first to comment on the shattered target.

"Sir, if I may, you are an excellent shot. If I didn't know better, I'd swear you had done this before. Great job."

"Thank you, Taylor. I have to admit, I enjoyed it far more than I expected."

About that time, Flynn came around and observed Christian's target.

"Excellent job, Christian. I may have to drag you out hunting with me one of these days."

"Thank John, but I think I'll stick to targets for now."

"What do you say we take a break for a few minutes and then try out that moving target system?"

"Sounds good, John." Christian knew this was John's way of getting him to talk and he really didn't have the energy to fight it. They went around to the rest area and grabbed some bottled water and sat down. Taylor had stayed behind, making the excuse of switching weapons for the next round. It didn't take long for Flynn to break the silence.

"So Christian, how are you?" Flynn asked the question in a soft tone, knowing all too well how easy it was to set Christian off.

"How am I? I think you know I'm a fucking mess, John!" Christian replied, his voice reeking of sarcasm.

"So I take it things haven't improved with Ana?"

"Improved?" Christian snorted. "No, they've taken a fucking nosedive."

"I see. Anything you want to talk about?"

"I don't even know where to start. She's in New York as we speak, probably fucking Eric Allen." Christian said the words with pure hatred in his tone.

"I didn't realize she was seeing him. Has it been going on long?"

"No. They've been working together for quite a while, since shortly after we separated, but as far as I know they just started dating recently." Flynn could see the frustration and sadness in Christian's eyes as he spoke.

"Have you two decided to divorce?"

"HELL NO! We are not getting a divorce, at least not if I can help it."

"So you are still trying to work things out?"

"I…I don't know. I messed up. I didn't tell her – or you – everything that happened with Nina. We were trying to work things out and then I told her that I had sex with her a couple of times and it just set us back even further. She said all along she wouldn't consider giving me another chance until I worked on my issues and I've finally been doing that and then I told her the truth and it just put us back another ten steps."

"And that is when she started seeing this other man?"

"At least officially, yes. I think he's wanted in her panties all along and this was just the final straw that let him in."

"So what do you plan to do about it? The Christian Grey I know wouldn't take this lying down." Flynn said with a smirk of his own.

"I don't know what in the hell I can do at this point, Flynn. She says she doesn't know if we still have a future. She said she didn't know if I was enough for her anymore. What can I do to convince her?"

"Look Christian, I may have failed you as a therapist…" John begins to speak, but Christian interrupts.

"John, you didn't fail me as a therapist."

"Christian, we became friends and I became too close to you to be objective as a therapist. I am sorry for that. I hope you can forgive me and that I can do a better job of being a friend."

"John, I don't blame you. I'm an adult I made my own choices. Granted, very bad choices, but I am responsible. There is no need for my forgiveness. Maybe if I had been more forthcoming about my struggles you could have helped. That is on me, not you."

"Well, as your friend, I am telling you that you need to fight for your marriage. Make Ana see how you have changed. It seems like your sessions with Lynn are doing you a world of good."

"What if it's too late? She's in New York and I'm sure they've slept together by now. What if I've already lost her?"

"Eric Allen may be hefty competition, but I've never known you to back away without a fight. Ana loves you and she isn't the type to just get over that and give her heart to someone else. That is why this has been so hard for her, because she loves you with all of her heart."

"But if she's given herself to him, that can't be true."

"Christian, you of all people know for a fact that love and sex are two very different things. Would her having sex with him change how you feel about her? Actually, don't answer that. Answer another question first. Do you think the fact that you contracted and had sex with another sub made Ana love you any less?

"What? Yes, or we would still be together!"

"No Christian. The reason you aren't together has nothing to do with how much you love each other. It is about the betrayal of your wedding vows and broken trust. I sat through months of sessions with both of you and Ana admitted that she still loved you. Do you think that has changed?"

"I don't know. She has said that she still loves me, but you are right, the loss of trust is the biggest issue and I don't know how I'll ever earn that back."

"You'll have to take it day by day and prove to her how much you are changing. Now, let me ask my original question again. If she has slept with this other man, does it change how you feel about her, does it make you love her any less?"

"No, but she would no longer be mine."

"She is your wife, Christian, not a possession. Isn't it more important to find out if her heart still belongs to you?"

"I suppose you are right, I just don't know where to start."

"Start by telling her exactly how you feel. Lack of communication is what got you into this mess to begin with. Start by showing her that you want to confide in her."

"I guess there is nothing to lose at this point."

"Just tell her how you feel, Christian."

"Thanks, John."

"Anytime my friend, now let's go and check out those virtual targets."

**Ana's POV – The Morning After**

Ana woke with a start, feeling the effects of a monumental hangover. Her head was pounding and she was sore everywhere.

_'That would be due to all the champagne and sex. Oh dear god, the sex!'_

As she turned to face the gorgeous sleeping form next to her, she felt a sense of unease. Although she couldn't deny that she had thoroughly enjoyed her night of unabridged passion with Eric, she couldn't help but feel as though she was waking up beside the wrong man. She knew this wasn't the way things were meant to be.

'_And how are they supposed to be, Ana?'_

She is supposed to be at home, with her husband and children, sitting in their family room enjoying their beautiful Christmas tree and planning their holiday shopping and activities. She shouldn't be in New York with another man, albeit a wonderful man who deserves far more than her heart will ever be able to give to him. She wasn't sure if she and Christian had a future together, but she now knew for certain that giving her body to another man couldn't change what is in heart. Her heart, which was given so completely to Christian Grey years ago, might never be able to love another. The question is could she give it back to him and more importantly, if she did, would he break it again? She needed to get out of this room and think. She quickly wrote a note for Eric and headed back to her suite. She called Sawyer and asked him to accompany her on a run. Maybe that would help her to clear her head. Thank goodness Kate insisted on a post-separation fitness regime. Ana had quickly discovered what a benefit exercise had on her psyche.

As she ran through the park, she thought of all that had happened over the last year. The very public revelation of Christian's extramarital activities, the time spent with Flynn, Dr. Martin and Christian, getting to know Eric, rediscovering her independence, the impact of the separation on her children, being intimate with Eric and above all, missing her marriage, missing everything she had with Christian.

'_You mean everything you __**thought**__, you had. Christian is still the bad guy here, Ana_

Yet somehow in her heart, she just couldn't ever see Christian as a bad guy. Yes he has hurt her, but his heart is full of good. She has experienced that first hand. He has made some very poor choices, but she knows in her heart he would never intentionally hurt her. The real problem was the lost trust, the fear of a repeat. What happens the next time he loses control? What happens when he can't control his urges? She knew that she could never survive a betrayal like that again.

'_But in your heart you also know you might never be able to love another man, either. Doesn't last night prove that? Hot sex all night long with a great guy and you woke up wanting the man who broke your heart.'_

She hated the thought of hurting Eric and she knew that she cared deeply for him – but as a friend. It wasn't fair to string him along. Last night had been incredible. The sex was amazing, but when she woke up, she realized that was all it was. She certainly wasn't the casual sex type, so she had no choice but to be honest with him. As she and Sawyer completed their trek around the park and returned to the hotel, she saw Eric sitting in the lobby patiently signing autographs and posing for pictures with some tourists. She smiled at the scene and thought to herself once again what a great guy he was. She knew that he deserved someone who could give him their whole heart and that was never going to be her.

He smiled when he saw her and excused himself from his fans and greeted her with a casual kiss on the cheek.

"Good morning. I missed you this morning." He said softly as they walked toward the elevators.

"I'm sorry. I woke up with a horrible headache and I just needed some fresh air."

"I can relate. My head was hurting this morning too. Is there anything you wanted to do before we leave the city? We aren't scheduled to leave for a couple of hours."

"No, I think I'm good. I just need a shower and then maybe some breakfast."

"Why don't you get your shower and pack up and we can meet at Nougatine for breakfast?"

As they arrived at that familiar spot outside of her suite, he leaned down and kissed her softly before heading off to his room.

"I'll see you soon." He said as he turned to walk away. Ana didn't reply, she simply smiled and entered her room to shower and pack up for the very long flight to Seattle. Thankfully, breakfast went by quickly, as Eric was once again stopped by fans seeking autographs. He was always so patient and accommodating, especially when it was young children seeking his attention. Once they got in the car, he pulled the newspaper out of his bag and sighed.

"I take it you haven't seen the morning papers?" He asked with a tone of remorse in his voice.

"No…why?" He handed her the paper and she gasped as she read the headline.

**Eric Allen and Ana Grey, HOT, HOT, HOT!**

_**Looks like these two are a hot new duo, wonder what Mr. Grey will think about that!**_

The story featured several photos of them - in Central Park, walking hand in hand into Trump Towers and worst of all, a close-up of them kissing at the Plaza. Christian was going to go thermonuclear fifty!

'_Just when you thought things couldn't get any worse.'_

"Ana, I am so sorry. I know you didn't what this to get out yet. I shouldn't have brought you here."

"Eric, I'm a big girl. You certainly didn't force me and I should've known the paparazzi would be relentless. It's as much my fault as it is yours."

Their conversation was cut short as they arrived at the airport. Sawyer was there along with Eric's security as they headed to the plane. Ana found herself lost in her thoughts, as Eric went to talk with the pilots and security. When he returned, he took her hand and forced her to meet his eyes as he softly spoke.

"Ana, I am so sorry about those photos, about bringing you here. I know the last thing you need right now is more stress and I hate that it's because of me." His words were full of contrition.

"Eric, I already told you, we are both to blame. It is not your fault."

"Still, I feel terrible."

"Don't. Please can we not talk about it anymore?"

"Of course, but I think that we do need to talk about last night." She could tell that he was apprehensive when he said the words and she was sure she hadn't done much to curb his anxiety this morning. She looked up and gave a weak smile.

"Yes. We do need to talk about last night." She said with obvious pain in her voice.

"Ana, I hope I didn't force you into something you weren't ready for. I can tell you are uncomfortable today."

'_Why does he always have to be so damn nice?'_

"Eric, you didn't force me to do anything and I rather enjoyed myself, several times over, in fact."

Eric smiled at her reply, but then his expression changed into one of doubt.

"Then why do I feel a but coming on?"

"Oh Eric, I don't regret last night. I think we both needed that, to be desired and to just live in the moment for once, but it made me realize that while I love you, I love you like my best friend. You have been my rock over the last several months and I don't know how I would have survived without you. Over the last few weeks, I've been wondering if what I was feeling was more than friendship and I wanted to sleep with you last night. I wanted to explore those feelings…" Eric interrupted her and took a deep breath before closing his eyes and speaking.

"But you are still in love with Christian."

"Yes, I am and I have no idea what do about it. I just don't think those feelings will ever go away. I am so sorry, Eric. The last thing I want to do is hurt you. You've been hurt so much already and you don't deserve it. Please don't hate me." Ana said the word as her eyes filled with tears. Her heart was heavy, but she knew she needed to be honest.

"Ana, first of all, I could never hate you. You've done so much for me. You've helped me to move on from my grief, you've been a friend, a confidante, a partner. Besides, I pursued you. You certainly never led me on. I've known all along how conflicted you were about your marriage, and yet I chose to pursue you. It isn't like we've been in some sort of a committed relationship for months. We've had three pretty spectacular dates and a night of amazing sex." He laughed at the end, making Ana turn crimson. He looked at her and saw her obvious discomfort and continued.

"Hey, look at me, I'm not trying to belittle what we've had, but honestly it isn't like there have been any promises or declarations of love. I knew you were separated, not divorced. This, he said gesturing between the two of them, was a risk I was willing to take and you know what, it was worth it. It showed me that that there is a life worth living after Kristin. I will be forever grateful to you for showing me that."

As tears stream down her face, Ana replies in a choked voice.

"How can you do that? How can you still be so kind to me?" She asked incredulously.

"Ana, you didn't break me. There is no reason to be _unkind_ to you. And besides, it was better for me to reenter the world of dating and sex with someone I know and care about rather than some random girl from a bar, don't you think?" He said with a smirk trying to lighten the mood.

"Well, I guess when you put it that way, though I doubt you were ever the kind of guy who slept with random girls you met out at bars."

"Oh Ana, we've all made mistakes." He said with a hint of sadness in his voice.

"Eric Allen, are you telling me you had a one night stand with some girl you met at a bar? That would shock me!"

"Yes, I'm afraid I did. Ana, I cheated on Kristin." Eric couldn't face her as he said the words.

"What? Wow. I never in a million years would have guessed that."

"It's not something I'm proud of. It was when we were dating, back in college. I went to Florida for the Florida-Georgia game, which is aptly nicknamed the Cocktail Party of the South. I was with a couple of my fraternity brothers and we got crazy drunk and I hooked up with one of the Florida cheerleaders. Kristin knew right away something was off and I confessed everything. She broke up with me and I spent the next four months trying to win her back. I was broken without her. I watched her date a couple of other guys and it nearly destroyed me. Thank God football season was nearly over when we broke up. I was off my game, my grades went to hell and I was miserable. She finally agreed to go out with me again and I swore I would never betray her trust again. It took a very long time to rebuild that trust, but in the end, we both knew we were meant to be together. I'm a firm believer in fate, Ana. I was meant to be with Kristin and it seems like you are meant to be with Christian."

He smiled as he squeezed her hand trying to give her comfort and reassurance, but it was obvious she was still torn.

"What if it's not possible to build back that trust or what if he does it again? I just don't think I could ever survive that again."

"Obviously, I can't speak for Christian, but from what you've told me, it seems like you guys had a pretty solid relationship. He screwed it up, but you've said he has other issues he's working through. I've only known you well for the last six months, but I know you are a wonderful person. I can only imagine that it is killing him to be without you and he would probably do anything to ever avoid feeling like that again. I know that is how I felt when Kristin and I were apart."

"Thanks. I clearly have some soul searching to do." Ana says as she wipes her tears away.

"Ana, I know it's not my place, but let me tell you, you never know how much time you have. Kristin and I learned that the hard way. I would give anything to have more time with her. Christian loves you and you love him…don't waste that."

"I'll keep that in mind. Thanks, Eric."

Ana fell asleep on the plane and Eric woke her as they landed. Sawyer got her bags and went to bring the car around. As she and Eric stepped off the plane and into the private flight lounge, she flung her arms around him and hugged him tightly.

"Thank you Eric, for everything."

"Thank you, Ana. Remember what I said…every minute is a gift. Don't waste it and tell Christian Grey if he ever hurts you again he'll have to answer to me. I take care of my friends."

"I will. Goodbye, Eric."

"Goodbye, Ana."

She climbed into the waiting Audi once again lost in her thoughts as Sawyer drove off into the Seattle night.

_**Thanks for reading and reviewing. **_


	29. Chapter 29 - A New Mission

_**Author's note: Once again thank you for all of the reviews, PM's, favorites and follows, they really are inspiring. I have to say I expected more of a reaction on Flynn's presence in the last chapter. What do you guys think of him as a friend for Christian? I thought he needed someone (besides evil Elena) who he could confide in that knew all about his past. I'm also sorry to say, the last chapter wasn't one of the twists – the first one is coming up in the next chapter, which will be out later tonight or tomorrow. **_

As she sat in the waiting room at Dr. Martin's office, Ana was still trying to wrap her head around everything that had happened over the last few days. She went to New York to explore her relationship with Eric and boy did she accomplish that - and then some. Now the question is what should she do about her new revelations? She was still reveling at Eric's capacity for kindness. He was so tender and understanding when they talked on the plane. He held no bitterness toward her and even encouraged her to go to Christian. When he told her of his mistake so long ago, he tried to help her to see how sorry he was for hurting Kristin and that he was sure Christian felt the same way. But Ana knew it wasn't the same thing. Yes, Eric and Christian had both cheated, but the betrayals themselves were worlds apart.

'_Eric had a drunken one-night stand in college. He wasn't married. It's not the same as your husband having anal and oral sex with his contracted submissive.'_

Even so, Eric's words had haunted her all night. Yet, she still wasn't sure if she could give Christian another chance.

'_You never know how much time you have. '_

'_Every minute is a gift.'_

'_Christian loves you and you love him, don't waste that.'_

All of these thoughts brought her back to the same questions she asked herself months ago. Would she ever be able to trust him again? What if this happened again? Has he finally dealt with his demons once and for all? She was relieved when her name was finally called and entered Dr. Martin's office praying she would offer the insight she so desperately needed.

"Ana, how are you today?" Dr. Martin asked with a smile.

"I'm fine, thank you." Ana eyes shifted to the floor as she said the worlds and Dr. Martin could tell she was anything but fine.

"Really, then why are you here? We didn't have another session until next week. I'm assuming this has something to do with your trip?" Ana finally looked up and met Dr. Martin's eyes.

"Yes."

"I know you were a bit apprehensive about the trip, did you enjoy yourself?"

"Well, I guess it depends on how you define enjoy."

"You were hoping to sort out your feelings for Eric, were you able to do that?"

"I…yes. We slept together and then decided we were better as friends."

"Really? Why don't you tell me a little more about what happened?"

"Well, the first part of the weekend was fine, normal. We had meetings, a nice dinner, took a carriage ride in Central Park, nothing major. We slept in separate rooms at the hotel. Then, on Saturday, we went to an event at the Plaza. As soon as we entered the hotel, we were hounded by the paparazzi and we drank a lot. When we returned to the hotel, we were both pretty tipsy and didn't want the night to end. We went back to his hotel and drank some more champagne and wound up in bed together."

"I see. So you slept together because you were drunk?"

"No, yes…I..I'm not sure. Somehow, I feel like it would have happened with or without the alcohol."

"So you wanted it to happen?"

"I… I think so. I mean, I don't regret it."

"Why do you think that is?"

"I'm not sure. I…I feel like it was what we both needed."

"But you don't want a relationship with him?"

"No, at least not beyond our friendship."

"When did you realize that?"

"As soon as I woke up the next morning. I had a terrible hangover headache, but I remembered everything. Yet, when I looked at him in that bed, I felt like it should be Christian."

"Interesting. Yet you don't regret it?"

"No." Once again Ana could not look Dr. Martin in the eye.

"How did you feel while you were being intimate?"

"I…I didn't really think about it, I tried to just enjoy it and live in the moment for once in my life."

"That must have been cathartic."

"It was." Ana said finally meeting her eyes once again. "I never let myself just enjoy the moment. I am always thinking, always worrying about the 'what if's' and 'what's next'. It felt good to let go of all of that, even if it was only for a little while."

"And yet the next morning, you knew you didn't want it to happen again?"

"Christian is the only other man I've ever been with. I guess that I hoped when I slept with Eric I would have an epiphany of sorts. That everything would become crystal clear."

"Yet that didn't happen?"

"No it didn't."

"You woke up wanting Christian."

"I woke up wanting what we had, what we lost."

"That could be considered an epiphany, just not the one you were expecting. So do you want to try to reconcile?"

"I don't know. I am so confused. What I do know is that I still love him and I am not sure if I will ever be able to love another man the same way. But I also don't know how I will ever be able to trust him again."

"Ana, I'm not going to lie to you, once trust is broken, it is very hard to regain. Sometimes it is not possible, but there are times when it is. I think what you have to decide is whether or not you are willing to try."

"I am just so afraid that it will happen again and I won't be able to survive a second time."

"Let me ask you this, do you think that Christian is willing to be completely honest with you about everything that happened and why he believes that it happened?"

"Yes. I know that he is. He wouldn't have sought me out to tell me the gory details he kept from me in the beginning if he wasn't."

"Well, that is a critical first step. Do you also feel like Christian is available to you whenever you need him and that he places a priority on your relationship even though you are apart?"

"Yes. He would drop anything if I needed him, if the children needed him. I've never doubted that. I know that this relationship, this sub meant nothing to him in that regard. We've always been his top priority. The problem is when he lets his need for control override his brain. He goes to that dark place as a coping mechanism and I just can't deal with again."

"Good. You have to know your limits and make them absolutely clear to Christian as well. Now, you've told me Christian is getting help for his issues and that he seems to be making substantial progress?"

"He seems to be. I mean, I know he is trying some different outlets for coping mechanisms. I haven't really had an opportunity to talk with him about how effective they are, but just the fact that he is open to trying them is encouraging."

"It certainly sounds like he is doing all of the right things to evoke change. Unfortunately, only time will tell if they will be effective. However, the fact that he is actively trying to find new coping methods is a critical step forward."

"I suppose, but how do I know it won't all fall apart? How do I know he won't break my heart again?"

"Ana, there are no guarantees in the life except death and taxes. You cannot continue to worry about all of the 'what if' scenarios. You will only drive yourself crazy. If you know what you want, then you need to try to make that happen. Do you know what you want?"

"I want my family back. I want us to be whole again."

"Then try to make that happen. See if is possible. But in order to do so, you have to be able to forgive Christian. I know that you've said that you've already done it, but you have to really put it into practice. You cannot revisit his betrayal every time you disagree. You need to set boundaries and lay out your expectations, but you have to let the past live in the past. Does that make sense?"

"It does. But I don't know where to start. I also don't know how he will react once he finds out that I slept with Eric."

"There is only one way to find out, Ana. Talk to him. Lay your cards on the table and see how he wants to proceed. I would also recommend some joint therapy at some point. I think it would be beneficial to discuss things with a therapist."

"Yes, I agree that could be beneficial. Thank you Dr. Martin. I'm sure I'll still need that appointment next week."

"I'll be here if you do. And Ana?"

"Yes?"

"Good luck."

"Thank you."

Ana left Dr. Martin's office with a smile on her face and a new mission. She was going to try to rebuild her marriage. That night after putting the kids to bed, she tried to figure out what she was going to say to Christian. She texted Grace and asked if she would mind keeping the children overnight the following evening, assuming Christian was free to talk. Grace readily agreed and Ana decided she would call Christian in the morning, after she and Sawyer went for a run. She finally felt like things were falling into place. Maybe everything would work out after all.

_**Thanks for reading and reviewing. Happy Holidays!**_


	30. Chapter 30 - Running on Empty

_**Happy New Year! I hope 2013 brings all of you health and happiness. Thanks again for reading and reviewing. Enjoy! E.L. James owns the Fifty Shades Trilogy, I'm just having fun with them for a while.**_

**Christian POV**

It was Tuesday morning and Christian had barely slept since Sunday, the day his world completely fell apart. Every time he closed his eyes, he was haunted by those images of Ana and fucking Eric Allen. He couldn't get the headlines out of his mind.

**Eric Allen and Ana Grey, HOT, HOT, HOT!**

_**Looks like these two are a hot new duo, wonder what Mr. Grey will think about that!**_

He would gladly trade the nightmares of his childhood for the ones he was experiencing now, as they were far worse. He finally understood how badly he had fucked up and it was too late…he's lost her now, he was sure of it. Unable to sleep, he decided to head out for an early morning run. He called Taylor, dragged himself out of bed and got dressed. When he looked in the mirror, he felt as though he had aged ten years over the last two days. He had noticeable circles and his eyes were dull and lifeless. He sent Andrea a text asking her to cancel all of his appointments for the day and headed outside to meet Taylor. He set off on a brutal pace; it was as if he was trying to outrun his problems, his nightmares and his life in general. He could tell that Taylor, who was in excellent shape, was struggling to keep up and he didn't care. When they rounded a corner, he felt as though the air was sucked right out of his lungs. She was running toward him, Sawyer not far behind. It was Ana, his Ana.

He could see the surprise in her eyes when she noticed him. She smiled, but it was a nervous smile. They walked slowly toward one another and stopped. She pulled out her headphones and offered a smile once again, this time it was warm, but as she looked in his eyes, it was almost as if she felt sorry for him. He gave her a small smile in response and they stood in awkward silence until she finally spoke.

"Good morning, Christian." How was it possible that after all of these years, the sound of his name from her mouth still moved him? He quickly composed himself and replied.

"Good morning, Ana. How are you?" Of course, he already knew the answer, her smiling face all over the papers and internet told him she was more than fine.

"I'm good, how are you?" '_How was he? How in the hell could he answer that one honestly?'_

"I'm okay, I guess. I didn't realize you had taken up running." He said the words with a trace of sarcasm that he didn't think she picked up on.

"Well, I wouldn't call myself a runner by any means, but Kate and I embarked on a fitness regime months ago – yoga, Pilates, running. I am finding that it helps me to clear my head." _'Yes, probably to clear it of all thoughts of me'_, he thought to himself.

"Yes, it does have that effect."

"Of course, the music helps too." Her smile this time was genuine, reaching her eyes. Oh how he missed her smile.

"What are you listening to?"

"Pink, 'Blow me one last kiss'." She seemed almost embarrassed as she said the title, he wondered why.

"I don't think I know that one." He said with a smirk.

"Not surprising. It's an old one, but it has a good beat. What are you listening to?"

"Viva La Vida, Coldplay." He said with a touch of melancholy.

"Oh right, I haven't heard that in years. I'm actually really glad that I ran into you, I wanted to see if we could talk. Maybe we could get together later today if that works for you?" He could feel himself begin to panic, as he struggled to reply.

"Sure, is everything okay?" _'Oh God, here it comes, Grey.' _She smiled another genuine smile, as she replied. He wondered why she had to keep smiling.

'_Because she's happy, Grey. Happier without you, that's why.'_

"Everything is fine, Christian. Everything is good, actually. How about if I give you a call in a little while and we can figure out a time that works to get together?" Her voice was calm, she actually seemed happy. How in the fuck could she be so calm?

"Sure. I'll wait for your call." His voice was hoarse and he was trying hard to mask his emotions.

"Great. I'll see you later." She touched his arm and he felt that jolt of electricity that always existed when they touched. He thought for a moment she felt it too, but he was sure he must be imaging it. He turned around to watch as she and Sawyer rounded the corner, his heart aching and his mind racing.

'_This is it; she wants to talk because she wants a divorce. It really is over. She's chosen him.'  
_

He took a deep breath and resumed his punishing pace. When they finally reached his place, he found himself bending forward and grabbing his knees. He head was spinning and he felt physically sick. Taylor had asked if he was okay and he nodded in reply and told him he was going to shower. He headed to the bathroom in a daze. He had feared this day for the last eight months, probably for the last eight years if he was honest, but he still couldn't believe it was here. He took his ear buds out and remembered Ana's strange reaction when he asked her what she was listening to. He quickly looked up the song on iTunes and as he listened to the lyrics, he realized it was probably because the song reflected exactly what she was feeling.

_White knuckles and sweaty palms from hanging on too tight  
Clench of jaw, I've got another headache again tonight  
Eyes on fire, eyes on fire, and the burn from all the tears  
I've been crying, I've been crying, I've been dying over you  
Tie a knot in the rope, trying to hold, trying to hold,  
But there's nothing to grab so I let go_

I think I've finally had enough, I think I maybe think too much  
I think this might be it for us (blow me one last kiss)  
You think I'm just too serious, I think you're full of sh-t  
My head is spinning so (blow me one last kiss)

Just when I think it can't get worse, I had a sh-t day (no!)  
You had a sh-t day (no!), we've had a sh-t day (no!)  
I think that life's too short for this  
I'll pack my ignorance and bliss  
I think I've had enough of this, Blow me on last kiss.

I won't miss all of the fighting that we always did,  
Take it in, I mean what I say when I say there is nothing left  
I am sick, whiskey-dick, no more battles for me  
You'll be calling a trick, cause you'll no longer sleep  
I'll dress nice, I'll look good, I'll go dancing alone  
I'll laugh, I'll get drunk, I'll take somebody home

I think I've finally had enough, I think I maybe think too much  
I think this might be it for us (blow me one last kiss)  
You think I'm just too serious, I think you're full of sh-t  
My head is spinning so (blow me one last kiss)

Just when I think it can't get worse, I had a sh-t day (no!)  
You had a sh-t day (no!), we've had a sh-t day (no!)  
I think that life's too short for this, I'll pack my ignorance and bliss  
I think I've had enough of this. Blow me on last kiss.

I will do what I please, anything that I want  
I will breathe, I won't breathe, I won't worry at all  
You will pay for your sins, you'll be sorry my dear  
All the lies, all the wise, will be crystal clear

I think I've finally had enough, I think I maybe think too much  
I think this might be it for us (blow me one last kiss)  
You think I'm just too serious, I think you're full of sh-t  
My head is spinning so (blow me one last kiss)

Just when I think it can't get worse, I had a sh-t day (no!)  
You had a sh-t day (no!), we've had a sh-t day (no!)  
I think that life's too short for this, I'll pack my ignorance and bliss  
I think I've had enough of this. Blow me one last kiss

Blow me one last kiss  
Blow me one last kiss

Just when I think it can't get worse, I had a sh-t day (no!)  
You had a sh-t day (no!), we've had a sh-t day (no!)  
I think that life's too short for this, I'll pack my ignorance and bliss  
I think I've had enough of this. Blow me one last kiss...

He suddenly felt like he was suffocating. He had to get out, get away from everything. He grabbed his keys and sped away in is R8.

Ana's POV

Running into Christian this morning had been exactly what she needed. Surely it must be a sign, a sign that they were meant to be. When she touched his arm, she felt that same charge had always been present when they touched. He was her forever and they would find a way to work everything out. They would always find a way. She knew they still had huge issues to work through, both individually and together, but for the first time in eight months, she felt confident they could get through it. Love alone wouldn't do it, but this time apart had showed both of them what life was like without each other. They would work through the rest and their love would guide them. As she showered, she thought back to her run in with Christian. He seemed distant, apprehensive even. She wondered why. Then it hit her like a ton of bricks.

'_He's seen the papers, Ana. Surely he has figured out that you fucked Eric, maybe he doesn't want you anymore.'_

She suddenly felt panic stricken. She knew that telling him what happened with Eric wouldn't be easy, but she also knew she couldn't keep it from him. As Dr. Martin and even Flynn had pointed out on numerous occasions, it was lack of communication and dishonesty that got them into this mess to begin with and she would be damned if she was going to let that vicious cycle continue. She would be honest and she would make him understand. Besides, after what he had done, who in the hell was he to condemn her actions? They needed to talk and soon. She was surprised when her call to Christian went straight to voicemail; it wasn't like him to ignore her calls, especially when they just agreed to talk. She tried a couple more times and then she began to worry.

'_He doesn't want to talk Ana. He doesn't want to work things out.'_

No, she wouldn't accept that. She sent him a text as well as an email; she was going to make him talk to her. There was still no reply. Finally, she decided she would go to see him if that was what it took. She called out for Sawyer and then felt relieved when she saw the familiar Audi SUV in the driveway. She headed out of her study toward the front door. Soon Taylor was walking in, he looked shaken.

"Taylor, is Christian with you?" When he looked up, she knew something was wrong. Suddenly her heart began to race and she felt tears begin to form as a sense of dread washed upon her.

"Mrs. Grey, Ana, there's been an accident. I need to get you to the hospital."

_**I think we have about five chapters left, which I hope to get out soon, as work is about to get crazy. Thanks again for reading and reviewing.**_


	31. Chapter 31

_**A/N: you for all of the reviews for the last chapter. Sorry for leaving you guys with such a cliff hanger, but it seemed like a good transition (at least to me). Also, I want to thank And1rea for the suggestion of Pink's Blow me (one last kiss) song. She suggested it for the karaoke chapter, but that was already written, so I decided to use it for the run. Finally, many thanks to for pointing out an error in the lyrics. I must admit, I usually just copy them from one of the lyrics sites, and this time, I didn't double check them. My mistake. **_

_**The Fifty Shades Trilogy belongs to E.L. James, I am just having fun with the characters for a while.**_

Ana was in a daze as Taylor sped to the hospital. He had told her that he saw Christian leave in a hurry, obviously upset. He had gone after him, but was too late. By the time he tracked his location, he had already crashed. There was black ice on the road and he crashed head on into a tree. The air bag had deployed, but the force of impact to the tree brought a large branch down on the car. The paramedics used the Jaws of Life to extract him from the car; he was unconscious, with several contusions. It was bad. She could feel the tears cursing down her cheeks, but she couldn't do anything to stop them. She heard Taylor on the phone, but her mind wouldn't allow her to focus on the conversation. Once again, Eric's words haunted her thoughts.

'_You never know how much time you have'_

'_Every moment is a gift…Don't waste it'_

Why didn't she run into Christian's arms this morning and tell him how much she loved him, how much she wanted to work things out between them? Would she ever have the chance to tell him?

'_Dear God, please let him be okay, please.' _

When they finally reached the hospital, Ana bolted out of the car and into the Emergency Room entrance. Grace was already waiting, her eyes red and puffy from crying. She was quick to embrace Ana, causing her to erupt into full blown sobs.

"Grace how is he?" Ana asked, barely able to utter the words between her heavy sobbing.

"They've just taken him for a CT scan, Ana. I don't know anything, yet." Grace was trying to put on a brave front and comfort Ana, but it was obvious she was barely holding it together herself.

"Oh Grace, he has to be okay. I can't live without him. I've finally realized that and now this. He has to be okay." Ana was barely able to stand. Thankfully Taylor had entered the waiting room and moved her and Grace to the sitting area. She thanked him and turned again to Grace.

"Why is it taking so long? We should know something by now."

"Ana darling, they will let us know as soon as there is something to report. I've made sure of it. Christian is strong, he is a fighter, he has always been a fighter, and he will make it through this." Grace said with conviction in her voice.

"I hope you are right, Grace. I can't lose him, not after everything we've been through." Grace just held her and rubbed her back softly, as she had no more words to soothe her. Taylor and Sawyer sat on the opposite side of the waiting room, not saying a word. It was not long before the entire Grey family arrived. Few words were spoken, as each of them sought comfort from one another while they awaited Christian's fate.

After what seemed like hours, the doctor attending to Christian finally appeared. Grace obviously knew him personally, as she was the first to get up and exchanged quiet words with the young physician. She gently took Ana's hand and brought her over to where the doctor stood.

"Clay, this is my son's wife, Anastasia Grey. Ana, this is Doctor Clay Harris."

"Dr. Harris, it's nice to meet you, how is my husband?"

"Mrs. Grey, he is being prepped for surgery as we speak. His had severe damage to his spleen, which has caused a large amount of internal bleeding. I am hopeful that we'll be able to repair the damage, but we may need to remove the spleen. He also has a concussion and multiple contusions and lacerations. Your husband took quite a beating between the airbag and broken glass and what I understand to be a fallen tree limb. We are doing everything we can for him."

"Can I see him before the surgery?"

"Just for a moment, but I have to warn you, he is pretty battered. I just want you to be prepared when you see him."

"Thank you, Dr. Harris. Can you please take me to him?"

Dr. Harris squeezes Ana's shoulder and smiles at both her and Grace and nods to the rest of the family who have gathered round.

"I don't want to give you false hope, but I am very optimistic that he will pull through this. Come with me." Ana followed him through the emergency room doors and down a long corridor. When they finally reached the bed he was lying on, he was barely recognizable, his face was bruised and swollen, with several cuts and stitches marring his beautiful face, but he was alive. She could see his chest rise and fall and it was exactly the reassurance that she so desperately needed. Dr. Harris put his hand on her shoulder and told her she only had a minute, as they needed to head to the operating room.

She took Christian's hand and softly kissed his forehead. She gently caressed his face and leaned down to whisper in his ear.

"Christian Grey, I love you. There will never be anyone else for me, so don't you dare leave me. Please be strong. Our children need you, I need you." As she uttered the words a nurse came in and told her they needed to get to the operating room. She nodded in understanding and kissed him one last time, whispering to him once more. "Please come back to me. I love you." Ana returned to the surgical lounge where the rest of the family was waiting. She checked with Taylor to ensure that the Gail was prepared to care for the children and slumped in a seat between Kate and Grace. Kate held her hand and tried her best to reassure her that Christian would be okay. When the doctor finally reappeared, Ana jumped to her feet.

"Dr. Harris, how is he?" The trepidation clear in her voice as she spoke.

"Mrs. Grey, your husband did well. We had to remove a small portion of his spleen, but we were able to stop the bleeding. Given his concussion and the overall trauma he has suffered, he may be unconscious for a while, but I expect him to make a full recovery."

"Oh thank god!" The immediate sense of relief she felt was immeasurable. "When can I see him?"

"He's in recovery now. The nurse will come and get you as soon as we get him to a room."

"Thank you Dr. Harris." Ana gave him an unexpected hug and he smiled kindly at her in reply.

"It was my pleasure."

When Dr. Harris left the room, Ana let out a breath she didn't realize she was holding. The mood amongst the family lightened immediately and Taylor offered to go and pick up dinner while everyone waited for Christian to be brought to his room. Ana encouraged everyone to go home, but they insisted on waiting with her. Soon, everyone dispersed to make phone calls or stretch their legs and only Kate and Ana were left seated in the room. Kate turned to Ana and smirked before she spoke.

"You're taking him back aren't you?" Surprisingly, her words were devoid of the sarcasm that was usually present when she spoke of Christian.

"Yes, if he'll still have me." Ana's voice was filled with emotion as she spoke.

"Are you kidding me Steele? That man would do anything to get you back." This time, the sarcasm was present in her tone.

"I don't know. I mean, I'm not so sure anymore, Kate. After everything that happened with Eric, the pictures, the headlines, maybe he won't me anymore."

"Anastasia Rose St…Grey! Look at me! You know that I am not a big fan of Christian's, but that man adores you. He screwed up majorly and I don't know that I could or would ever forgive him if it were me, but if you choose to, I have no doubt in my mind he will welcome you back with open arms."

Ana smiled for the first time since this morning when she saw Christian.

"Thanks, Kate. I hope you are right. We have a lot of work ahead of us, but I really believe we can fix our marriage and come out of this stronger than ever."

"If that is what you want, I will support you 100%, you know that."

"I do. Thank you." Ana hugged Kate and soon the rest of the family returned again. Ana didn't have much of an appetite, but she tried to eat a little when Taylor arrived with the food. Finally, the nurse came to tell her that Christian was in his room and she could see him now. Grace squeezed her hand reassuringly and told her to go ahead up and that the rest of the family would go in a little later. Ana thanked her and headed up the elevator to Christian's room.

Upon entering Christian's private room, Ana choked back a sob as she took in his appearance. He was deathly pale, swollen, bruised and connected to a plethora of machines. She was so accustomed to seeing him strong and in command and right now he appeared so weak and utterly broken.

_'They said he would make a full recovery, Ana. He needs you to be strong.'_

She leaned over and gave him a soft kiss as she took a seat next to his bed and held his hand.

"Christian, baby, it's me. It's Ana. I'm here baby. Please, please wake up. I need you. Please talk to me." When he didn't respond, she tried a different tactic.

"Christian Grey, when I told you that I wanted to talk later today, this is most definitely not what I had in mind. What were you thinking when you were driving? Taylor said you were upset. Baby, why were you so upset? Please wake up so we can talk. I have so much that I need to say to you. I love you so much."

After several hours, Ana grew increasingly frustrated and worried that Christian wasn't waking up. The doctors and nurses told her he would wake when his body was ready; and that the trauma of the accident, combined with his head injury and surgery had worn him down and what he needed most was rest. The family had been in and out throughout the night, but it was late and now everyone but Grace and Carrick had gone home. Grace had tried repeatedly to reassure Ana that he would wake up soon, but Ana was inconsolable.

"Ana darling, he'll be fine. He really was lucky, his injuries could have been far worse. I'm sure he'll wake up soon. Why don't you try and get some rest and Cary and I will stay here with him."

Grace's voice was full of love and motherly concern as she said the words, but Ana wouldn't leave Christian's side.

"No Grace, I have to be here when he wakes up. I have to tell him that I love him and that I want us to fight for our marriage."

Grace has a look of shock on her face at first, but quickly composes herself and gives Ana a genuine smile, as her eyes filled with tears.

"Oh Ana, you don't know how happy that makes me! I know that Christian hurt you terribly, but I also know that he loves you more than life itself and he is really working hard to change. I really believe that you two belong together and the fact that you are willing to give him another chance is the best medicine he could receive. He'll be overjoyed, Ana. Thank you my darling girl."

"Grace, these last eight months have been sheer hell, but even with all that has happened, my heart still belongs to Christian. I just don't think I'll ever get it back. We saw each other out on a run this morning and planned to talk later today. I finally felt like things were moving forward and now this. I just want him to wake up. I know it won't be easy to build the trust back, but I know that I'd regret it far more if we didn't try. Our marriage is worth fighting for; I just hope that he is willing to try."

"Ana, I have no doubt that Christian would do anything in this world to have you back. Nothing could change that." Grace's eyes were full of love and her voice was warm and sincere.

"I'm not so sure, Grace."

"Ana, I've seen the papers. I know you were dating Eric Allen, but that won't matter. How could it, dear? For once, Christian has owned up to his mistakes, he knows he is responsible for the collapse of your marriage. Surely he can't expect that you wouldn't eventually try to move on."

"Grace, you know Christian. He is not the most rational person, especially when it comes to me and the children."

"True, but he's changed Ana. I know it must have been difficult for him reading about the two of you, but surely he knows how hypocritical it would be for him to judge you. Besides, I know he loves you and he will do anything for a second chance. You'll see. I know my son."

"I hope you are right, Grace. Now if he would just wake up."

"He will, soon I hope. If you are determined to stay tonight, I think maybe Carrick and I will head home for a change of clothes and come back shortly, is that alright?"

"Of course, you should stay and get some rest, come back in the morning. I'm not leaving."

"We'll see, you get some rest too, that a doctor's order."

"I'll try. Thank you, Grace."

"You are welcome darling. You know that you are like a daughter to me, Ana. That will never change. I love you." Grace wrapped Ana in a warm embrace and smoothed her hair.

"I love you too. " The emotion was evident in Ana's voice as she uttered the words.

"We'll see you soon."

"Goodnight."

As Grace and Carrick were leaving, Sawyer stepped into the room with a cup of tea for Ana and to let her know that both he and Taylor would be at the hospital all night, taking turns sleeping in a room down the hall. When she told him there was no change in Christian's condition, he told her to let him know if he could do anything for her. Suddenly, an idea popped into her head.

"Luke, would you mind going to the house or asking one of the security guys there to get my iPad for me?"

"Of course, Mrs. Grey. I'll take care of it right away."

"Thank you, Luke."

"Not a problem." Luke had always been on Ana's side and he hated what the separation had done to her and the children. Yet she knew without a doubt, he would support any decision she made about her future. He was a good man and he had proven his loyalty to her and the children time and again.

When Luke returned with her iPad, Ana set off to work. She quickly pulled up her music and located her special playlist, the one that Christian had made for her eight years before and gave to her the night they got back together after Jose's first photography showing. She looked through the songs and realized they were still perfect – conveying so much of what she wanted to say to Christian right now. She smiled as the music began to play, hoping that Christian might hear it and find the strength to wake up. The first song that played was Try by Nelly Furtado. Ana smiled remembering that night Christian had given her first iPad with this playlist.

"Baby, do you remember this? I want to try again. Please come back to me so we can do that, please Christian, "Ana begged.

As the playlist continued to stream, she added some songs that she felt were fitting to their current predicament. When she was done, she was exhausted, physically and emotional drained, summoning every bit of her strength to will Christian to wake for her, even if for just a moment, to give her hope.

She went to the songs she had added and selected one that she thought expressed exactly how she felt. She hit play and placed the iPad on the bed playing softly near Christian's pillow.

"Christian I hope you can hear this. I heard this song a few weeks ago while I was driving and I had to pull over it brought so many feelings to the surface for me. I think it's perfect for us. Every road does lead back to us. Please wake up, baby. Please give me a sign that everything is going to be okay."

_Well here we are again  
I guess it must be fate  
We've tried it on our own  
But deep inside we've known  
We'd be back to set things straight_

I still remember when  
Your kiss was so brand new  
Every memory repeats  
Every step I take retreats  
Every journey always  
Brings me back to you

After all the stops and starts  
We keep coming back to these two hearts  
Two angels who've been rescued from the fall  
And after all that we've been through  
It all comes down to me and you  
I guess it's meant to be  
Forever you and me  
After all

When love is truly right  
This time it's truly right  
It lives from year to year  
It changes as it goes  
Oh and on the way it grows  
But it never disappears

Always just beyond my touch  
Though I needed you so much  
After all what else is living for  
Whoa

Ana rested her head on the bed, never letting go of Christian's hand. As the song came to a close, she could have sworn she felt Christian squeeze her hand. She looked up and saw his beautiful grey eyes, but she was suddenly so overcome with tears she couldn't speak. Thankfully, he found his voice.

"Ana you're here."

_**A/N: He's awake! Please let me know what you think. As always, thanks for reading and reviewing. The song in the text above is 'After All' by Cher and Peter Cetera. I thought the lyrics were perfect. Chapter 32 coming soon.**_


	32. Chapter 32 - One More Try

_**A/N: Thank you again for all of the favorites, follows, reviews and PM's. You guys are the best! This chapter is a bit of a filler, but a lot to come in the next one. Thanks for reading. Enjoy! The characters belong to E.L. James. **_

"Ana, you're here." Christian said hoarsely, almost as if he couldn't believe it was true.

"Of course I'm here. There isn't anywhere else I could be right now, Christian. I'm so glad you're awake."

The tears were already streaming freely down her cheeks, as she squeezed Christian's hand.

"What happened?"

"Baby, you were in a car accident. You slid on some ice and hit a tree. Do you remember anything?"

"Not much. I remember leaving the house and just wanting to drive, clear my head." Christian's voice was sad and he seemed to be closing himself off and was visibly in pain.

"Let me call the nurse so the doctor can check you over, okay? You probably shouldn't talk too much, either."

"No, not yet, please Ana?"

"Okay. Do you want to talk? Are you sure you are up for it?"

Christian nods in agreement.

"Why were you so upset when you left the house?"

Ana unconsciously braces herself, afraid of the answer she might receive.

"I knew you wanted to talk and I just wasn't ready to face it. To face the fact that I've lost you for good, that you want a divorce."

It takes a moment for Ana to snap out of shock from Christian's words. When she finally finds her voice, her words come out in barely a whisper.

"Is that what you think? That I want a divorce?"

"Isn't that what you wanted to talk about?"

"No. God no, Christian! I wanted to tell you that I'd like to try again. I wanted to tell you that I love you and I don't think there will ever be anyone else but you for me.

It's now Christian's turn to be speechless. As he stares at Ana with a look expressing shock and awe.

"You. Are. It. For. Me,, Christian Grey. I want to make this work. I know it won't be easy. We have a lot of work to do to rebuild our marriage, our trust, but I want to try."

There are now tears streaming down both their faces. Ana continues to hold Christian's hand and leans in to kiss him gently on the lips. As she looks into his tear filled eyes, she realizes he still hasn't replied to her declaration.

"Christian, baby, please say something. I need to know how you feel. Please."

"Honestly, I think I'm still in shock. I know that I don't deserve another chance and I've never been a religious person, but I've never prayed so much for something in all my life. I guess I'm just finally realizing that maybe there really is a God up there who listens. I love you so much Ana Grey and you have made me the happiest man on the planet by giving me another chance. I will do whatever it takes to earn your trust back and I will never betray you again. I am so sorry for all of the pain I have caused you."

Christian tries to sit up to kiss her, but is halted by his I.V. and the shooting pains coming from both his abdominal region and his head.

"Christian! Don't try to sit up. You've got a concussion and they had to remove part of your spleen and you have cuts and bruises from head to toe. Just rest, let me call the nurse. We need to let the doctor know that you are awake."

The concern in Ana's voice is evident and the obvious pain Christian is feeling stops him from arguing. Ana calls the nurse and leans into Christian's lips once more. After she buzzes the nurse, he tries to pull her to him.

"Christian please, I don't want you to hurt yourself anymore than you already are."

"I need to kiss my wife. Now that I've got you back, I don't ever want to let you go again."

"Let me come to you, alright Mr. Grey?"

"Mrs. Grey, I like it when you come to me." He says suggestively with his trademark cocky smirk.

"Wipe that smirk off of your face, Mr. Grey. I think it will be a while before you are back in commission. Besides, we have a lot of work to do on our relationship before we focus on that side of things."

"Mrs. Grey, you wound me. I was just trying to kiss my wife."

"Well in that case…"

Ana leans in and gives him another soft kiss on his lips. He uses his free arm to pull her to him and deepen the kiss, causing the monitors to go crazy. At that moment the nurse walks in and they pull apart.

"Well Mr. Grey, I see you are doing much better this morning. Welcome back to the land of the living. I'm Jamie and I'll be taking care of you today. Dr. Harris is on his way up to check on you. How are you feeling?" Nurse Jamie is busy checking his medication drip and fluid levels as she asks the question.

Christian is listening to Nurse Jamie, but his eyes remain locked with Ana's, gray to blue.

"I feel like the luckiest man on the planet."

"Yes, quite honestly, you are lucky to be alive. I saw pictures of your car on the news and it is a miracle you are still with us, Mr. Grey."

Christian smiles at Ana and squeezes her hand.

"I have a lot to live for."

"I can see that. You know, Mrs. Grey hasn't left your side since you came up here from surgery. It looks like you have a fan club."

"I am a very lucky man."

Christian can't help the huge smile that crosses his face as he says the words. Just then, Dr. Harris comes in and introduces himself.

"Mr. Grey, I'm Dr. Harris, I was the attending surgeon on call when you arrived in the ER yesterday. It's good to see you awake."

"Thank you, Dr. Harris. It's good to be awake."

"How are you coping with the pain?"

"Honestly, if I hadn't tried to sit up, I don't think I would have noticed. I've been more focused on my beautiful wife."

Christian brings Ana's hand to his mouth and softly kisses it. Ana blushes in response.

"Yes, I had the pleasure of meeting Mrs. Grey yesterday. You had her quite worried, Mr. Grey. Having seen the news footage of your accident, I can honestly say the fact that your injuries weren't life threatening is nothing short of a miracle."

"That's what I hear. Thank you again, doctor."

"Well, let me tell you about your injuries. We've got you on a morphine drip, so I am not surprised that you aren't very uncomfortable just now. But let me tell you about your injuries so you know what to expect. You've suffered a concussion, and I imagine you will have quite a headache for several days. We'll need to know right away if you experience any nausea, dizziness, or blurred vision."

Christian and Ana both nod in agreement and Ana squeezes Christian's hand in reassurance. The doctor checks over Christian's incision site and listens to his breathing. He then makes a couple of notations on the chart before he speaks again. Ana gets up from the bed and lets Christian know that she is going to call the family and let them know he is awake, as Dr. Harris finishes telling him about his injuries.

"In addition to the concussion, your spleen was ruptured. We were able to repair it, but you need to know that the spleen does not grow back like the liver, if you suffer additional damage to the spleen in the future; it will more than likely need to be removed. Thankfully, it is not a vital organ, meaning that you can survive without it, but hopefully that won't be a concern. Finally, as you can see, you've got multiple contusions and lacerations all over your body from the air bag, the broken glass and tree limbs. Your sutures can be removed in about five days and the cuts and bruises should heal over the next few weeks. I'd like to keep you here for the next few days to monitor your injuries and ensure you aren't overexerting yourself."

Christian grunts in annoyance and Ana giggles as she returns to his side.

"You'll need to stay on a soft, bland diet for a couple of days and we'll try to get you up and walking a bit later today or tomorrow. But you really need to take it easy. You lost a lot of blood and if your surgical incision tears, it could be very problematic."

Ana looks lovingly at Christian as she speaks to Dr. Harris.

"Dr. Harris, we can't thank you enough for all that you have done. I'll make sure that my husband follows your orders and doesn't overexert himself."

She smirks at Christian who rolls his eyes in response.

"Well, Mr. Grey, it looks like your wife will take good care of you. The more you cooperate, the sooner you can go home and resume your normal activities."

Christian sighs and smiles at Ana.

"I understand, Dr. Harris. Thank you again."

"My pleasure, I will be back a little later to check on you. In the meantime, get some rest."

Nurse Jamie gives him some oral medications and a glass of water and helps him to the restroom. When he comes out, Ana is sitting in the chair smiling up at him. She helps the nurse get him settled back into bed and he motions for her to join him on the bed. She willingly complies, settling in next him and resting her head on his shoulder.

As Nurse Jamie leave the room, Christian pulls Ana closer to him.

"CHRISTIAN! Did you not just hear the doctor? You cannot overexert yourself! You need to rest."

"I need my wife."

Despite his I.V., he pulls her closer and caresses her face. She leans into his touch and that familiar charge that always surrounds them ignites and they are soon caught up in a heated kiss, oblivious to everything around them, including a new visitor.

"So, I take it this means you two are back together, eh?" Elliott says with a loud voice.

Ana blushes and Christian just shakes his head.

"Look, I'm happy for both of you, but I just want to make sure I have my story straight before the Kate Kavanaugh Grey inquisition starts." He says with a wink and a smirk of his own.

"Yes Elliott, we are back together." Christian says as he smiles and kisses Ana's forehead.

"Well, I certainly hope this lasts forever, I'd hate to see what you might do to get her back the next time, not sure you'd be so lucky in another go around, bro."

"Fuck-off Elliott."

Ana laughed happily, realizing for the first time in eight months, things finally felt normal again. She was back in Christian's arms, she was where she belonged.

The next week flew by quickly and Christian was finally being released from the hospital. Ana had spent the morning at home helping Gail prepare for a small family get together to celebrate his homecoming. She had also arranged for Ryan to move most of his personal items back to the house. Over the last few days they had talked a lot about Dr. Morris and her alternative therapies, about doing joint therapy together and spending Christmas at home as a family. Ana knew they still had a long way to go, but she felt like they were truly working together to start over. With a feeling of contentment, she and Taylor drove to the hospital to bring her husband home.

As Ana and Taylor rounded the corner toward Christian's room, she could hear the unmistakable roar of his voice. He was angry, really angry. As they got closer, they discovered why. Taylor went to interrupt, but Ana held him back as they listened to the exchange.

"What in the fuck are you doing here, Elena?" Christian spat out with a venomous tone.

"Christian, I've been trying to reach out to you for months. You won't see me or take my calls, when I heard about your accident, I was so worried. I just wanted to make sure you are alright. To see if maybe I could help you in some way."

"Help me? You want to help me, are you fucking kidding me? The only person you care about helping is yourself!"

"Christian that is just not true. I've always cared about you, about your needs. I know hard these last few months must have been for you. I've seen Ana in the papers with that football player, clearly she's moved onto another wealthy man. No doubt, she'll try to bleed him dry too."

"DON'T. YOU. EVER. FUCKING. SAY. MY**. **_**WIFE'S.**_NAME. AGAIN**. **You are nothing but a sick, child molester. You belong in hell, Elena. Ana was right about you from day one, I'm just sorry it took me so long to see it for myself.

"Christian, you don't mean that. I helped you. You know that. How can you be so cruel?"

It was obvious that Elena was crying, but Ana was paralyzed to her spot in the hallway. Taylor again tried to intervene, but Ana said that Christian probably needed to get this out and they should let him, unless he is in obvious danger. By this time, Sawyer had returned to his post, but Taylor directed him to stand back as well.

"I mean every single word. You did nothing but abuse me. You knew my weaknesses and you used them for your own sick, twisted benefit. I despise you and what you did to me. Get out of this room and stay the hell away from me and my family. I mean it, Elena. If you come near any of us again, I won't think twice about destroying you."

Ana decided that was her cue to enter the room, a triumphant smile gracing her face, as she took her place next to Christian. He wrapped his arm around her and she turned to Elena, who seemed to be in shock.

"Elena, I trust you heard my husband. GET OUT AND DON'T EVER COME NEAR OUR FAMILY AGAIN! Taylor, please make sure Mrs. Lincoln makes her way out of the building."

Taylor nodded in reply and led Elena out of the room. Christian held her tightly to him as his breathing returned to normal.

"Well Mr. Grey that was quite a surprise."

"Yes it was, but it felt fucking fantastic to confront that woman once and for all."

"Wow. Your feelings have evolved quite a bit over the last few months. I'm impressed."

"You have no idea, Mrs. Grey. But my feelings for you have only grown stronger. I'll never take you for granted again."

"That is good to know. Now what you say we go home?"

"You have no idea how good that sounds, Anastasia."

"Well let's get your discharge papers and get out of here."

They were both quiet during the ride home, exchanging light kisses and smiles along the way, but radiating contentment. When they arrived home, the children rushed down the steps to greet their father with hugs, kisses and welcome home posters. Christian was very emotional as the family took turns embracing him and telling him how happy they were to have him home. Gail made a buffet of his favorite foods and he couldn't remember a time when he was happier. He was finally home. Most everyone left early, so Christian could rest, but Grace and Carrick stayed to help get the children ready for bed. As Carrick and Ana took the kids upstairs for a quick bath, Grace pulled Christian aside to talk.

"Son, I am so glad that you are home. I was so worried about you. You were very lucky. I don't know what I would have done without you." Grace said, wiping tears from her eyes.

"Mom, I'm fine. I'm sorry that I worried you so much."

"Oh Christian, don't apologize. Please just try and take care of yourself…and your family. It is so wonderful to see you and Ana together again."

"I know. I can't believe she is giving me another chance, mom."

"Christian, Ana loves you with everything she has. She was beside herself with worry and fear after the accident. Just please…don't hurt her again. I don't think she would be able to survive the heartbreak a second time."

"I won't mom. Ana and the kids are my life. I will never take that for granted again. I've changed. I think I have finally learned from my mistakes."

"I know you have, son. I really think you two will be just fine."

"I hope so, mom. Thank you for supporting me through these last few months, I know I really disappointed you and dad."

"Yes you did, but our disappointment was nothing compared to what Ana and the children have endured. Please don't make them go through that again."

"Never, I promise."

"Good. Let's go upstairs so I can kiss my grandchildren goodnight."

"Sounds good. Thanks, mom."

Ana walked Carrick and Grace out and met Christian back upstairs, where he was waiting in the hallway.

"Christian, what are you doing?"

"I wasn't sure where I should go."

"Oh. Well, I had Ryan bring your things over this morning and Gail put them in your closet. It's going to be a couple of weeks before we can….you can, anyway, so…I …I just thought you could stay in our room, with me. Is that okay?"

Christian's face breaks out into a huge smile, which Ana reciprocates.

"That is perfect. There is no place in the world I would rather be."

"Good. Do you want to shower?"

"Is that a proposition, Mrs. Grey?

"No, it's a question. Do you want to shower and if so, do you need help?"

"Yes, I would love a shower and as much as I would love your help, I think I can manage on my own."

"Okay. If you don't mind, I'll just get ready for bed and then you can shower."

"Sounds good, baby."

Ana starts to walk past him heading for the bathroom, but he grabs her hand and pulls her to him. He takes her face in his hands and kisses her until they are both breathless. He then nibbles at her ear and whispers:

"Thank you."

"For what?"

"For everything. For giving me another chance, for forgiving me, for being you. I love you."

"I love you too. You've had a long day, let's get ready for bed."

Ana goes about her normal bedtime routine, trying not to stare as Christian takes a shower. As they both climb into bed, he pulls her into his chest and holds her close.

"I never thought I'd have you in my arms like this again, Ana."

"Hmmm. I know what you mean. I love you, Christian."

"I love you too, so much….Ana, can we talk about something?"

"Hmmm?"

"What happened with you and Eric?"

Ana can feel her heart rate accelerating as she tries to think about her response.

"What do you mean, Christian?"

"Ana, I saw the pictures when you were in New York, I know about Banff, you admitted that you had feelings for the guy, I'm just wondering what made you change your mind?"

"He wasn't you. I realized that you still have my heart and that I would never forgive myself if we didn't try to make things work. Eric was actually very supportive when I told him. He told me that every minute is a gift and that you never know how much time you have. He said he would give anything to have more time with Kristin and if I loved you, I should try to make it work."

"Wow, I wouldn't have expected that."

"He's a good man, Christian, a really good man." Christian takes a deep breath and turns Anaso they are facing one another.

"Did you sleep with him?"

xxxxx


	33. Chapter 33 - Confessions of the Heart

_**The Fifty Shades Trilogy and the characters belong to E.L. James**_

_**A/N: So I thought I only had a couple of chapters left, but apparently that was a bit optimistic on my part. I hope you don't mind, but it is going to take a bit longer to wrap up the story. This chapter is a bit shorter than normal, as I decided to split it up into two parts. Dr. Morris is coming up next. Enjoy!**_

"Did you sleep with him?" His voice was filled with emotion as he asked the question.

Ana closed her eyes, took a deep breath and opened them again. Looking straight into his eyes, her own now filled with unshed tears, she replied honestly. "Yes."

Like Ana, Christian swallowed and took a deep breath, closed his eyes and shook his head as if trying to rid himself of a painful thought. He released Ana from his embrace and moved away. He sat up on the bed and used his nightstand to steady himself on his feet before speaking. When he turned to face her, his face was full of pain and tears were slowly streaming down his cheeks. His voice was hoarse and unsteady when he finally spoke.

"I think I should sleep in one of the guest rooms."

"Christian, please don't do this," Ana begged. Don't shut me out." She cried in fear.

"I just need some time…to think." He said, choking back a sob.

Suddenly Ana's fear turned into anger. She was not about to let him close himself off, not after the hell they had been through over the last few month; the hell that he put them through – the hell that their own failure to communicate with one another had put them through.

"No Christian, I am not going to let you shut me out. Not after everything we have been through. I understand that you are hurt and angry, but don't you dare leave me. Yes, I slept with Eric; just like you fucked your sub over and over for months, while I thought we were happily married, you were sneaking off to Escala to beat and fuck some submissive whore! I spent one night with Eric, Christian. _ONE NIGHT_! And you know what, when I woke up the next morning, I realized he wasn't the man I wanted, you were. When I told him the truth, he encouraged me to work it out with you, Christian. I choose you. I will always choose you, but don't you dare be a hypocrite and shut me out over this, because that will be the final straw!"

For a moment, Christian just stood still, shocked into silence.

"Christian, please say something."

"You're right. It's not fair for me to hold this against you after everything you've forgiven me for. I'm trying Ana, I really am, but I just don't know how to do this." Christian sat down on the bed and took another deep breath before continuing. "When you went to New York with him, I knew it would happen, if it hadn't already. I talked to Dr. Morris and even Flynn about it, but somehow hearing that it really did happen…I just don't know how to deal with it. You've always been mine… and now you're not."

"But I am Christian. Don't you see? Sleeping with Eric made me realize how much I wanted to be with you, and _only_ you? I think that I needed to know that if we decided to try again there wouldn't be any 'what ifs' for me. I don't want us to have some crazy fight five years from now and look back wondering if I made a mistake coming back to you. I needed to know that you are the only man for me and I do, Christian. I know that beyond a doubt. It's you, it has always been you. It will always be you. Please don't shut me out. I love you, Christian. I love you so much it hurts and despite everything that has happened over the last eight months, I want to try again. I want us to be a family again. Please talk to me."

"Ana, I just don't know what to do. I don't know how to deal with the fact that you are no longer _**mine**_." He said with gritted teeth and tears streaming down his face.

"I am yours, Christian. I am your wife. I love you and I am standing here offering you another chance to make our marriage work after you screwed everything up. Maybe you need to think about what I have forgiven, even though it is impossible to forget. Yet you don't know if you can forgive me because I spent one night, _**one fucking night**_ with another man? Well you had better figure it out soon Christian, because I am not going to apologize for what happened with Eric. I am sorry that you are hurt, but that is all I am going to apologize for, so you need to figure out if you can live with that or not."

Christian starts to reply, but suddenly the words Flynn said at the shooting range come back to haunt him.

'_Christian, you of all people know for a fact that love and sex are two very different things.' _

'_If she has slept with this other man, does it change how you feel about her, does it make you love her any less?'_

'_She is your wife, Christian, not a possession. Isn't it more important to find out if her heart still belongs to you?'_

He tried to steady his breathing, looked to the ceiling and ran both of his hands through his hair. Finally, he looked at Ana and saw the hurt and anxiety in her eyes and he wanted nothing more than to take her in his arms and comfort her. Thinking back to his talk with Flynn and his sessions with Dr. Morris, he chose his words carefully; not wanting to make matters worse.

"You're right, Ana. The most important thing is that we love each other and we both want to make our marriage work and be a family again. I just need some time to process this, but I want you to know that I love you and I want nothing more than for us to be back together."

Ana moved closer to him and took both of his hands in hers. She reached up to caress his face and gave him a soft kiss.

"I love you, Christian Grey. I am so sorry that I've hurt you."

Christian closed his eyes and relaxed in her gentle touch. He took her in his arms and hugged her tightly.

"I love you too Ana, so much, baby. I just need some time. I still think I should sleep in one of the guest rooms, if that is okay."

Ana tries to hide the hurt that she if feeling as she pulls out of his embrace.

"Sure. It was probably a mistake to move you back in here right away, anyway. We don't want to confuse the kids anymore than they already are. I'll help you get settled. Let me grab your medications."

Christian's eyes widen with panic, as he registers what she has just said.

"No Ana! That is not what I meant at all. I don't need space! I need you. I just…I know I need to think this through, and try…try not to overreact anymore than I already have. That is one of the things Dr. Morris has me working on, she suggests that I try to take a step back and look at things from a different perspective before reacting; she says that that will help me manage my anger and my need to control. I know I probably won't be able to sleep much and I just thought it might be better if I was in another room, so I didn't disturb you." Christian pulls Ana into an embrace and speaks softly into her ear.

"It has nothing to do with not wanting to be near you. I just don't want to make this situation any worse than it already is. I'm sorry if I made you think otherwise. And as for the children, Ana I will do anything to make this work. We will make this work. I don't want you or the children to doubt that, we will be a family again. We are a family again. I know it is going to take time to rebuild the trust and learn to communicate better, but I've changed and I intend to prove that to you, Mrs. Grey."

Ana wipes Christian's tears away and he does the same for her. They stand in silence for a few moments, just staring at each other, not sure of what to say. Christian finally breaks the silence.

"Ana, do you think we could go to see Dr. Morris tomorrow? I know we said we would wait to start the sessions until I was further along with my recovery, but I really think she can help us through this."

"Of course, let's get something set up as soon as possible."

"Thank you, Ana."

"You should really get some rest, Christian. Let me help you get settled in the guest room."

"Ana, you don't have to do that. I can stay here. I…it was just a thought."

"No, you are right. It's probably best if you stay in the guest room."

Ana collected his medications, filled a small carafe with water and helped him get settled in the guest room down the hall. She kissed him on his forehead and he responded with a tight smile. Without a word, she went back to her bedroom – alone once again. Unfortunately, sleep evaded her and she found herself lost in thought about all that had transpired over the past few weeks. Wondering if she and Christian would every truly find their way back to one another.

_**Thank you for taking the time to read and review. **_


	34. Chapter 34 - Moving Forward

_**A/N: As always, I truly appreciate all of the favorites, follows, reviews and PM's. I am sorry that I haven't been able to respond to each review, but I read every one. This is a loooong chapter. Christian and Ana had a lot to talk through with Dr. Morris. Please forgive any errors. LLN2, I followed through on our Facebook chat to include Ray's rant against a cheating CG – I hope you don't mind. Enjoy!**_

_**The Fifty Shades Trilogy belongs to E.L. James**_

The next morning, the kids were still basking in the joy of having their father home once again, and Ana was simply hoping it would last. After spending the most of the night thinking about their conversation, she realized how surprised she was by level of self control Christian had managed in light of her confession to having slept with Eric. He was hurt, frustrated and angry, but nothing compared to what he would have been like in the past. She had watched a range of emotions play out on his face, hurt, pain, and sorrow - but absent were the ones she anticipated pure rage and uncontrollable anger.

'_See Ana, he really has changed. You can make this work.'_

When their eyes finally met, the familiar charge that always existed when they were together was undoubtedly present. Christian left the children to finish their breakfast and made his way to Ana. He was still wearing a t-shirt and pajama bottoms that hung just right on his hips. Even with his still healing cuts and bruises, he was gorgeous. He smiled his shy smile as he reached Ana. He tucked a loose strand of her hair behind her hair and kissed her deeply, making Teddy grimace and Phoebe clap, asking him to do it again just like in the movies. Ana stood speechless as he whispered in her ear, "Breathe, baby." She released her breath and simply smiled at him, uncertain of what to say. Thankfully, he started the conversation for her.

"I spoke with Dr. Morris this morning; she can see us at 10:00 a.m. I thought we could get the kids off to school and then head into town if that is okay with you." He smiled and Ana raised a questioning brow before speaking.

"Ugh…okay. You spoke with her already? Christian, it is barely 7:00 a.m.!"

"What can I say, baby? I wanted to be sure she could clear her schedule, so I called early."

"My God, Christian, do you ever do things the normal way?"

"Not if I can help it, but you know that, Ana." He said with a chuckle. And she did. Somehow the tension that had surrounded them the night before seemed to have evaporated and she was grateful for the reprieve, however brief it may be. They got the children off to school and Ana could tell how happy Christian was to be home and participating in the morning chaos. They barely spoke, as they eased back into their normal routine, but they both seemed to find comfort in simply being together.

Ana excused herself to make some business calls and Christian went to take a shower. As Ana finally made her way upstairs to shower and get ready, she entered her bedroom and stepped into her dressing room to undress before heading into the bathroom. As she headed toward the bathroom, she ran right into Christian, clad in only a towel.

"Christian! I'm so sorry, did I hurt you? I…I didn't realize you were in here." Christian was in a trance as his eyes swept up and down her naked body, hooded with lust.

"Christian, are you okay? Did I hurt you?"

Finally gathering his wits, Christian shook his head tried to his voice and Ana had wrapped herself in a towel and was smirking as he struggled to speak.

"No, I…I'm fine. I'm sorry. All of my things were in here, so I went ahead and showered. I hope you don't mind."

"No, no…it's fine." Ana replies as she gestures toward the shower. "I was just going to take my shower."

"Of course, I'll finish getting ready in the guest room and meet you downstairs."

"Okay." As Ana closed the bathroom door and stepped into the shower, she thought about how awkward that interaction was and wondered how two people, who had done so much together, shared so much, could become so nervous and uncomfortable with one another.

'_You're not uncomfortable with one another; you just don't know how to proceed in these unchartered waters.'_

'_But we will get there,' _she thought to herself.

She thought back to the promise she made to Christian years ago, a promise that she would love him unconditionally, no matter what had happened. He still had that – her unconditional love. He always would. They may have lost their way, but Ana was convinced that they could find their happiness again and maybe, just maybe, it would be even better than before.

The ride to Dr. Morris' office was quiet, with Christian and Ana making small talk, but avoiding having a real conversation. When they arrived at Dr. Morris' offices, Ana was stunned. When Taylor drove around to the rear entrance, she thought maybe they were going somewhere else, but no, it was the same the building, the building she had been visiting for the last six months to see Dr. Martin. They entered the rear door of Psychiatric Associates of Seattle and Ana knew the offices were one in the same.

"Christian, is this Dr. Morris' practice?"

"Yes, baby. She is part of a large group practice, but I've never met any of the other doctors. Is there a problem?"

"No, there's not a problem. Apparently, I've been seeing one of her partners over the last six months. This is Dr. Martin's office as well. Small world"

"Well, that's Flynn for you. He recommended each of them to us. Maybe it was all part of some grand plan to bring us back together." Christian winked at Ana and smiled at the thought. _'Maybe it will work, Flynn. Maybe .' _ "Have you been pleased with Dr. Martin?"

"For the most part, yes, she's been good. I guess I'm just surprised that they work together, that's all. It makes me more interested to meet Dr. Morris."

"Well, here's your chance. That's her heading this way."

"Christian, how nice to see you and you must be Mrs. Grey. It's a pleasure to finally meet you." Dr. Morris said, reaching to shake both of their hands.

"I am, please call me Ana and it's nice to meet you as well."

"Well, let's head inside so we can get started. I've moved some things around so we have plenty of time to talk."

"Thank you, Dr. Morris." Christian says as he squeezes Ana's hand, the first real physical contact they have had since his surprise kiss in the kitchen earlier that morning.

"Christian, I'm glad to see you up and about. I saw the pictures of your car and it appears that you were quite lucky."

"Yes, I was very lucky."

"Well, I'm guessing you don't want to use our time talking about your accident. Christian, you said on the phone that you and Ana had decided to give your marriage another try. That is wonderful news. I'm very happy for both of you."

"Yes, yes we have." Christian replied, as Ana nodded her acknowledgement and gave a weak smile.

"Ana, as you may be aware, Christian and I have been working together for several months and I believe that we've made some excellent progress. Obviously, our sessions are confidential…" Dr. Morris is unable to finish her sentence as Christian interrupts.

"Dr. Morris, I have no problem with Ana knowing everything we've discussed."

"Christian, as I was saying before you interrupted," she said, quickly putting him in his place, "our sessions are confidential and if you would like me to discuss our prior sessions with Mrs. Grey, I will need you to sign this confidentiality waiver before we begin."

Christian quickly looks over the document and eagerly signs the waiver.

"Thank you, Christian. Well, why don't we start with how you two came to the mutual decision to reconcile?"

Ana takes a deep breath and risks a cautious glance at Christian, whose eyes are focused on the floor.

"Dr. Morris, as you know, Christian has wanted us to reconcile for some time and I've pushed back. I wanted to be sure that he was really addressing his issues before we even attempted to reconcile."

Dr. Morris gives Ana a kind smile and a nod encouraging her to continue.

"It seems as though he has really made some breakthroughs since beginning his therapy with you and I'm so encouraged by that, but this whole experience has made me really look at myself too." Ana reaches for Christian's hands and forces him to look into her eyes as she speaks.

"Christian, I love you. I love you with everything that I am, but when you cheated on me, a part of me died. Not only did I have to deal with my own feelings and the impact on our children, but your betrayal was front page news. I was humiliated in front of the entire world. Because of the very public disclosure of your _activities_, this will be a part of our lives forever. I needed to be sure that I could deal with that…with the fact that every single time there is a story about you or me in the press, that humiliating betrayal will resurface. This isn't something we can just move on from, it is something that we have to live with – _forever_. I need you to understand how difficult it has been for me to come to terms with that reality."

Christian's face is filled with pain and remorse, but he does not speak. Dr. Morris turns her attention to Ana and speaks softly, in a maternal voice.

"Ana, I can only imagine how difficult all of this has been on you. And you are right, because the two of you are so well known, it is not something that will simply go away, especially with the internet presence in this day and age. I'm glad that you realize that and I think the fact that you are willing to give your marriage another try is a testament to the deep love you must have for your husband. Christian, I'm assuming you've told Ana much of what we've discussed these past several months, but why don't you tell her what you told me when you first came to see me, about why you came to me in the first place."

"Ana, I know that I hurt you, hurt our entire family and I am so sorry for that and for the humiliation my actions have caused you. When I lost you, it felt as though I lost everything. I've spent my entire life prioritizing myself. I didn't really understand the impact of my actions on you, on our children. I'm so sorry for that. Dr. Morris has helped me to see how selfish and controlling I've been and she has helped me to change. When I first came to her, I told her I would do anything to get you back. As I've already told you, Dr. Morris made me face that fact that I have a process addiction to BDSM. She has helped me find alternative coping mechanisms when I feel out of control and she has also helped me to see how I was used – and molested, by Elena." he says swallowing a lump in his throat as he hangs his head in shame.

"You were right, Ana. Elena did me far more harm than good. I just couldn't see it or maybe I didn't want to. Either way, you were right. I think that finally being able to admit that to myself was a real turning point for me. It made me see how wrong everything she did to me was and it made more determined than ever to find another coping mechanism. I honestly never thought I would see the day when shooting a gun would be something I'd actually look forward to, but I have to say it has been an excellent release. I love it and the feeling of control it gives me is amazing." Ana smirks at this, as she has always wanted Christian to at least know how to shoot. I've been pushing myself more physically as well. I've increased the distance of my runs and added swimming and biking to my exercise regime. I wish I had done all of this a long time ago and I would give anything in the world to erase this last year from our lives, but I know that I can't do that. But I can promise you that I have changed and I will never go back to that dark place again, Ana. Please believe me."

"I do believe you, Christian and I am so proud of you and the choices you have made. I can see that you really have changed. "

"Thank you, Ana." Christian said, his eyes filled with love.

"Well Ana, now that you have a better understanding as to what Christian has been working on over the last few months, why don't we talk about you now."

Christian and Ana both tense and Ana releases an exaggerated sigh before speaking.

"Of course. What would you like to know?"

"I understand that initially you filed for divorce, but then you and Christian talked and you pulled the divorce papers but kept the legal separation agreement in place."

"Yes, that is correct."

"The last time I sat down with Christian, he did not seem optimistic about the possibility of reconciliation. Why don't we talk about what has changed for you since then."

Ana turns her head to once again face Christian, who looks frightened and lost. She smiles softly at him and begins to speak.

"I just finally realized that I don't think I will ever be able to love anyone else the way that I love Christian. I know how hard he has worked to change and I want us to be a family again."

Christian finally seems to relax a bit and returns Ana's smile.

"Ana, Christian told me that you were seeing someone while the two of you were apart, I take it that has ended?"

"Yes, yes it has."

"And does that relationship ending have something to do with your shift in feelings toward working on your marriage?"

Dr. Morris' tone was gentle, not at all accusatory, but it still made Ana flinch. There was also a noticeable change in Christian. It was almost as if he was steeling himself in anticipation of her reply. Ana knew that after her revelation the night before Christian needed her reassurance, so chose her words carefully.

"No. I didn't come back to Christian because the relationship ended. I ended the relationship because I knew I wanted to be with Christian."

Christian visibly relaxes at her reply.

"I see. That's encouraging. So there are no unresolved feelings for this other man?"

"No. I mean I care about him as a friend, but nothing more than that. He knows how I feel and he encouraged me to go back to Christian."

"That's interesting. Christian how do you feel about this situation? I know that you were very concerned about Ana's relationship with this other man."

"Well considering the fact that he fucked my wife, I'd like to kill him, but I'm trying very hard to control my emotions."

'_You are definitely going to need a trip to the shooting range, Grey, soon.'_

Ana flinches again and a look of surprise crosses Dr. Morris' face, but she quickly regains her composure.

"The fact that you are able to control those feelings is a major breakthrough, Christian. I know that Ana sleeping with another man was one of your deepest fears, second only perhaps to losing her forever. Why don't we talk about this a bit more, if you don't mind? I think it is important for both of you to clear the air so to speak, as you cannot continue to bury your emotions if you are going to move forward in your marriage. Does that make sense?"

Christian and Ana both nodded solemnly, each waiting for the other to speak. Finally, Ana decides to break the silence.

"Christian, I am so sorry that you are hurting, but I need you to realize that you are the man I love, the man I want to spend the rest of my life with. Being with Eric helped me to realize that. I don't expect you to understand that, but it's the truth."

"Ana, I know…I just… YOU. WERE. ALWAYS. MINE." Christian spat through gritted teeth. "I don't know how to handle these… feelings."

Dr. Morris took the opportunity to interject. "Christian, we have talked about this many times, Ana is your wife, the mother of your children, the woman that you love, but she is not an object that you can possess. You do not own her and I think you need to take this opportunity to look at the big picture. Thank your lucky stars, if you will. You've just survived a major automobile accident, you have a wife who loves you and wants to put your marriage back together, two healthy children and a successful corporate empire. For the last several months, you've said that you would do anything to have Ana back, don't let this ruin it for you. If the two of you truly want to move forward, you need to get all of these pent up feelings out in the open and then let them go once and for all. If you are going to move forward you have to deal with the past and move on from it. You cannot, I repeat cannot, continue to dwell on things that are in the past. This is where the SFBT comes in. Christian, as we've discussed many times, an addiction can't be cured, you can recover from it, but it will always lay below the surface. You have worked so hard on your issues but you will need to continue that work for the rest of your life. You've faced your darkest demons and learned alternative ways to feel in control. Now it is time to take what you've learned and apply it to what you want in the future. That is what you want, isn't it?"

"Of course that is what I want." Christian replied without hesitation.

"Then the two of you need to talk this out and let it go. You can do that here or you can do it on your own, but either way you need to talk it through and move on." Christian nods in understanding and turns to Ana once again.

"Ana, I'm sorry. I know I don't have any right to be upset, but that doesn't stop the fact that I just can't bear the thought of another man going where only I have gone. I will try as hard as I can to let it go, but it is driving me crazy. I can't stop thinking about it, picturing the two of you together. If we are going to move past this, I…I know I need to let it go and I promise you I will try to do that."

"Thank you, Christian." Ana said sincerely.

"Ana, Christian, it is obvious that there is a wealth of love between the two of you, what you need to work on is communication. I'd like each of you to take a moment now to come up with your three favorite and least favorite things about one another. This isn't an exercise that requires deep thought; it is more of a tool to help us get to the next phase of your reconciliation. Christian, why don't you go first? What are your three favorite things about Ana?"

"I don't think I can come up with just three things, I love everything about you, Ana."

Dr. Morris rolls her eyes, eliciting a belly laugh from Ana and a scowl from Christian, which quickly turns into laughter. This bought of laughter lightens the mood considerably and Dr. Morris asks Christian to try again and to not use physical attributes in his responses. Christian turns to Ana, smiling brightly before taking a deep breath and beginning to speak.

"I love how much you care about people. You love so completely, with everything you have and you put everyone else's needs above your own without a second thought. I love your stubbornness, even when it drives me crazy. I love that when you feels strongly about something, you don't back down and I find that sexy as hell. Most of all, I love your strength. You are the strongest person I have ever known. You didn't let what I did to you break you. Instead, you became stronger, in a way that I never could. I can't tell you how much I admire that, especially given everything that I have put you through over the years." Christian's voice was low and sincere and his were eyes filled with nothing but love and admiration, as well as a few unshed tears. Ana blushed and smiled in response, as tears began to trickle from her eyes.

"Thank you, Christian. What about you, Ana? What are your favorite things about Christian?" Ana hesitated for a moment, looking as if she was deep in thought, before turning her entire body toward Christian.

"I love your passion. You are the most passionate person I have ever met and you bring that to everything you do, always giving 110%. I love your generosity. You are so good to people, you want to share your wealth not only with the people you love, but with the less fortunate all over the world. You are such an inspiration. Most of all, I love your heart. Christian, you once said that you didn't have a heart," Ana stops to wipe the tears that are now falling freely from Christian's eyes and he does the same for her, "and that is just not true, you have the biggest heart I have ever seen. The way you love me, our children, and our family is a joy to watch. You are a good man, Christian Grey, a really good man. You've made some mistakes along the way, but who hasn't? I hope you can finally see that. If not, I'll spend the rest of my life trying to convince you." Christian moves forward to embrace Ana and gives her a soft kiss on her forehead before whispering, "I love you Ana Grey, now and forever." Ana smiles softly and whispers back, "I love you too, Christian. Always." Dr. Morris clears her throat and Christian returns to his chair, continuing to hold and caress Ana's hand.

"That was wonderful Christian and Ana. Now, I want you to both try to remember those words over the next few months when things aren't going the way that you had hoped . Sometimes a simple reminder of the good things is all it takes to draw your strength and not give in when the going gets tough. Make no mistake, you do have a tough road ahead, but I believe you can make it, as long as you are open and honest with one another. Now, let's move onto your three least favorite things. Ana, why don't you start this time?"

Ana pushes her head back and shrugs her shoulders as if preparing for battle. She glances at Dr. Morris and turns to face Christian once again.

"Christian, I love you and I am so glad you are learning to deal with your need for control, because I can't live under a microscope anymore. Your need for control is stifling, it is like being hit head on by a freight train and it drives me crazy."

As if expecting this berating, Christian merely smirks and says "Gee Mrs. Grey, whatever you do, don't hold back on your true thoughts."

Ana smirks back, pleased and surprised by the fact that he could joke about the subject and continued.

"I also despise your self-loathing. Every single time something happens, you constantly blame yourself or carry on about how you don't deserve me or our family. Get over it, already! It's exhausting. Again, going back to my favorites, you are a good man with a huge heart, you deserve happiness. Just try to enjoy it for once….please."

Christian's calm exterior almost throws Ana for a loop. _'Maybe thermonuclear Fifty really has left the building.'_

Finally, it drives me crazy when you sulk. If I dare go against your wishes, you hold a grudge like nothing I've ever seen. I understand that you like to get your own way, but that is just not possible all the time, especially in a marriage – with children. You need to learn how to move on and not stay sulking for days at a time. I think that does it. Those are my three least favorite things, Mr. Grey."

Christian rolls his eyes and smirks, he also adjusts himself a bit in his chair to relieve some of the discomfort near his spleen. Ana notices his discomfort and looks at him with concern.

"Christian, are you alright? Maybe we should get you home to rest."

"No, I'm fine. I've just been in the same position for a while, I think I'll stand and stretch a little."

"Christian, if you are sure you are feeling up to continuing, why don't you go ahead and get started." Dr. Morris says kindly.

"I have to admit, it is much easier coming up with my favorite things, than my least favorites, but if I have to choose, I would say that it drives me fucking crazy when you feel like you are not enough. Frankly, I think your insecurities are pretty damn similar to my so called self loathing. You are the most beautiful woman I've ever known – inside and out. You are smart, funny, witty, the whole package. I've said it before and I will say it again, YOU. . THAT. I. NEED. I know that my actions over the last year have not necessarily supported that statement, but it is true. My taking on a sub had nothing to do with how I feel about you. I made a horribly fucked up decision and I will regret it for the rest of my life. It was about my fucked up need to control, not about loving or needing you less.

"Language, Mr. Grey." Dr. Morris warns. Ana smirks and Christian looks contrite as he continues.

"Please Ana, if you don't take anything else from this session, please just believe that, baby. I love you."

Ana nods and looks at Dr. Morris, who also nods in agreement.

"My second least favorite thing would have to be your disregard for your safety. I can try to give up some control if I know that you are safe. I know you don't always like having a guard with you, but it is a necessity and I would really appreciate it if you could be more cooperative."

"Mr. Grey, I think that is one I can handle if it will put your mind at ease."

"Thank you, my huge heart and I would both benefit greatly from such a concession on your part."

Ana and Christian both smile and Dr. Morris again interjects.

"Christian, please finish."

"Of course, well I think that last thing would be that while I know I am guilty of not telling you things, you do the same thing. I don't ever want you to be afraid to talk to me. I think we both really need to work on that."

Dr. Morris claps her hands together and smiles brightly at Christian and Ana.

"I think that was wonderful. You both did a great job of expressing how you feel, both the positives and the negatives. We'll be using those a lot as we work together to improve your relationship. How do you both feel after talking these things out?"

This time, Christian speaks first.

"I feel better…much more hopeful than I have in months. I believe that we can work things out."

Ana squeezes Christian's hand as she begins to speak.

"I agree. I feel much more optimistic. I know we can do this. My biggest concern, or perhaps fear, is that we will fall into old habits and not communicate like we need to."

"Yes Ana, that could be a challenge, but that is one of the reasons I hope we can continue these sessions, to help you rebuild, if you will. I'd like you to both think of your marriage in a remodeling or reconstruction phase. You have a strong foundation of love and passion, but the other parts need some changes and updates – better communication, more compromise, give and take. If you have a strong foundation, which the two of you undoubtedly do, you can rebuild and repair the cracks. I think that you will find with modest improvements and strong attention to detail, the new version can be more efficient, accommodating and comfortable than the old. You will get there and I am always here to help guide you on the path."

"Interesting analogy, Dr. Morris."

Ana shakes her head at Christian's comment, but they both smile at each other as Dr. Morris continues.

"Thank you, Christian. Now, the last thing I want to suggest is that you come up with a code word to alert each other when things are _close t_o getting out of hand."

"You mean like a safe word?" Christian asks incredulously.

"I suppose that term would fit too, though I think given the reason you in this predicament it might be best to stick with code word."

Ana gasps audibly and smirks at Christian, her eyes dancing with humor. He simply shrugs and replies

"Touché, Dr. Morris."

Ana leans over to whisper in his ear.

"I like her _**a lot**_."

"I suspected you might."

'_At least she is able to see the comedic irony, Grey. Count your lucky stars for that.'_

"Dr. Morris, can you give us an example of when we might use these code words?"

"Of course, Ana. Your least favorite thing about Christian is his need for control. When you are feeling stifled and close to your breaking point and need a break, you would say the code word and that would tell him it is time to take a step back and try a new approach. Does that make sense?"

"It makes perfect sense in theory, but I'm not sure if you've experienced Controlling Christian, at his worst. I just don't know that a code word will be enough." Ana says candidly.

"Ana, I understand your trepidation, but I can vouch for the fact that Christian really has made significant progress. He has changed and I think you'll see that too."

This time it is Christian who interjects.

"Thank you for the vote of confidence, Dr. Morris." He says stressing her name. "I think my _wife_ will need a bit more convincing, but thankfully I am not one to back away from a challenge."

"It's my pleasure, Christian. I really do believe you've accomplished a lot in a short time. You should be proud of yourself; it hasn't been an easy road."

"Do either of you have any questions?"

Christian leans forward to speak again.

"Yes. Ever since my accident, Ana and I have been doing so well together; we both know we have a lot of work ahead of us, but we are committed to our marriage. When I went home from the hospital yesterday, it was the best feeling I've had in months. Ana had moved all of my things back and we were sharing our room again, then we started talking about Eric and it didn't go well. I slept in the guest room and then Ana said maybe that was best for now. I just want us to be close, not necessarily sexually, and that is off limits for a while anyway, but just to be physically close again. I just wondered if you might have a recommendation for how we handle things."

"First, I think you made the right decision to sleep apart last night. You both needed some time alone to be able to think clearly and process your thoughts. As for the future, I think you need to take it one day at a time for a while. You'll know when it is right. The fact that your surgery makes sex off limits for a while is a good thing in my opinion. You need to focus on improving your communication and this is a perfect opportunity to do just that. I wouldn't over think the sleeping situation for now. You are adults and you know your wants and needs. Follow common sense on this one."

Christian and Ana both smile in relief that Dr. Morris did not view this as a major issue.

Well, our time is about up, but please do think about your code words and we can discuss those more the next time we meet. I believe we made some good progress today. I would recommend that we try to continue the joint sessions weekly until you are both at a higher comfort level with your relationship. Christian, I think we should also continue our individual sessions and Ana, I would recommend you continue your sessions with Dr. Martin."

"Thank you, Dr. Morris."

As they head out of the office, Christian takes Ana's hand and pulls her close to him.

"Well, what did you think?"

"I like her. She is very straightforward and I love that she doesn't take any of your crap, Mr. Grey."

"No, she doesn't. What would you like to do now, Mrs. Grey?"

"I think we should probably go home so you can rest."

"I feel good, Ana. I just needed to stretch a bit after sitting in that chair for so long. How about lunch"

"I just don't want you to overdo it."

"I won't baby, I promise. I'll let you know if I need to rest, but right now I'd really like to take my wife out to lunch and maybe do a little Christmas shopping. How does that sound?"

"That sounds perfect, Christian."

"Taylor, we'd like to go to Mariposa at Neiman Marcus for lunch and then we'll do some Christmas shopping."

"Yes sir."

They enjoyed a quiet lunch and spent a couple of hours Christmas shopping before heading home so Christian could rest and Ana could work from her home office. Christian was not to go into the office until after Christmas, so Ros was handling things, but Christian was still checking emails and signing off on major projects. Ana had decided to work from home as well, giving her and Christian more time together and allowing her to make sure he was taking care of himself after the accident.

_Three weeks later_

The last three weeks had flown by. Christian's recovery was ahead of schedule and he had been released to work half days after the New Year. Christian and Ana continued to see Dr. Morris weekly and things were going well. They spent time Christmas shopping, attending select holiday parties, and just being together. Christian bought out a performance of the Nutcracker, so the whole family could attend, as well as several of the children's friends along with their families. Christian and Ana were still sleeping in separate bedrooms, which they both knew wouldn't last much longer, as the sexual tension between them was palpable. However, they both wanted to take things slow and follow Dr. Morris' advice on building their relationship back up before becoming intimate. In the meantime, they would cuddle up together watching television with the kids and each night Christian would play Christmas carols on the piano, often accompanied by Teddy, who had recently started playing. It was the most quality family time they had ever shared together and they were both enjoying every minute.

Finally it was Christmas Eve, the children were ecstatic, as expected. The entire family was over for dinner, including Kate's parents and Ray and his new wife, Claire. Ana's mom and Bob were flying in Christmas night and would be staying for a few days before heading to Las Vegas to visit Bob's family. As they sat down for dinner, Ana could tell that Christian was visibly tense. She asked him to help her in the kitchen for a moment so she could find out what was wrong. Things had been going so well and it was unsettling to see him so upset.

"Christian, what is wrong?"

"I don't want to talk about it, Ana. Let's not ruin the evening."

"Christian Grey, don't you dare pull that shit on me. We are supposed to be communicating. I can tell something is wrong and we are not leaving this room until you tell me what it is."

"I just had a tense conversation with Ray earlier, that's all. Just drop it, Ana."

"What did he say?"

"Drop it, Ana." Christian replied, his eyes full of fury.

"No, tell me or I will go ask him myself."

"Ana."

"Tell me."

"Fine. He said if I ever dared to hurt his little girl again he would castrate me and feed my cock to his dogs while I watched."

Ana gasps in shock and then erupts into laughter, laughing so hard tears spring from her eyes.

"I'm glad you find this so funny, Ana."

"Oh Christian, I love my dad. Surely you know you would do the same thing to anyone who hurt Phoebe, though I do hope that visual alone would stop you from ever being so stupid again."

"Ana, I would rather die than hurt you like that again. It won't happen."

"I know baby, I know. Let's get back to our family."

"I love you, Ana."

"I love you too."

The rest of the night went off without incident and everyone left relatively early so the kids would all be in bed before Santa came. Ray and Clara were staying with her parents, who lived in Seattle and would be joining Christian and Ana for a late brunch on Christmas Day, before they headed off for Christmas Dinner at the Grace and Carrick's house. After they finished putting the last of the gifts under the tree, they headed upstairs. As had become a custom in recent weeks, Christian pulled Ana to him to kiss her goodnight and head off to one of the guest rooms. This time, when he went to release her, she took his hand and pulled him into the bedroom – their bedroom.

"Christian, it's time. It's time for us to move forward."

"Are you sure, I don't want to do anything that you aren't ready for."

"I'm sure."

That was all the reassurance Christian needed, he took Ana in his arms and kissed her ravenously. He laid her on the bed and caressed her face.

"I love you so much, Ana Grey. My life without you is so empty. Thank you for giving me another chance."

"I love you too Christian, so much."

He pulled her to him and caressed up and down her body as he unzipped her dress. He pulled it roughly over head and groaned when he saw the black lace bra she was wearing. He began kissing every inch of her body, worshiping her like she was a goddess. His hands groped her breasts, releasing them from her bra as pulled and teased her nipples, while kissing, licking and suckling her neck.

"God I've missed this, Ana."

"Me too." Ana replied as she unbuttoned the top few buttons of his shirt, removed his cufflinks and pulled it over his head. She sat up and they looked in each other's eyes, exchanging looks of longing and love.

His finger traced her lip and she quivered at the slight touch and brought her hands up to caress his chest. She pulled and teased his nipples and then moved to the bulge in his pants. His hands went back to her chest. He removed his bra and began pulling hard at her nipples, never breaking eye contact. She caressed his erection through his pants and his cock twitched in response to the touch. She undid his belt and unzipped his pants, as she bit his bottom lip and then moved to suck and nibble his ear, whispering.

"I want you so much, Christian."

As her hand made contact with his erection, he let out a primal moan.

"God Ana, I don't know how long I can last, baby. It's been so long."

He adjusted himself to allow her to remove his pants using her feet and legs. He bent down and removed his socks and climbed back over her, holding himself up in a plank position, as she fondled his cock. His kissed her deeply and then moved to her breasts, he took turns suckling each one as she writhed in pleasure. He moved back and sat on his knees, still sucking and licking her nipples, as his hands massaged her thighs. He moved to her core and traced circles with his index finger.

"Oh God, Christian, don't stop," Ana moaned.

He inserted two fingers inside of her and found and circled and pulled her throbbing flesh. He could tell she was about to come undone, but he wanted to taste her. He moved back and brought his mouth to her sex. He licked it from bottom to top as his hands fondled her breasts. He sucked and nibbled at her folds and finally inserted his tongue inside of her. He could feel her muscles contracting, as she brought both of legs up and brought both of her feet to his cock and began to stoke up and down. He matched her strokes with his tongue and began to massage her clit with both of his thumbs, she came gloriously and he lapped every drop, all the while trying to hold onto his throbbing erection without coming all over her feet. After he licked her clean, he shifted his body and attacked her mouth, her hands fisted in his hair and then moved to his buttocks, she squeezed his flesh and he could feel her nails digging into him.

"Christian, I need you, please."

He brought her feet up to his mouth and sucked each of her big toes; then he put her feet on his shoulders and slammed into her.

"Oh fuck! This. Feels. Fucking. Amazing. You. Are. So. Fucking. Tight."

"Oh my God, Ch..Christian."

He put her legs down and pulled her up to him, kissing her as if his life depended on it and she responded with the same urgency. He pulled her two his lab and slammed into her, never losing contact with her mouth. They came together shouting incoherently and collapsed on the bed. He pulled her to him and he caressed her face. As he leaned over her, she could feel his tears falling on her face.

She gently rubbed the away and spoke softly.

"Christian, baby, please don't cry. It's okay. I'm here, were together. Please don't cry."

"God Ana, I almost lost you. I almost destroyed our family and for what? To go and beat someone silly and then fuck them? What kind of a monster am I? How could I betray you like that?"

"Hey, it's in the past. Remember, we need to move forward. I forgive you and that is all that matters."

"I just can't believe you are giving me a second chance."

"Well, I think we just demonstrated, pretty well I might add, that I am."

"Thank you, Ana. I love you."

"I love you too. Let's get some sleep, the kids will be up early to see what Santa brought."

"Goodnight, Mrs. Gray."

"Goodnight, Christian."

As expected, the kids charged into their bedroom at the crack of dawn wanting to go downstairs to see what Santa brought. As usual, he brought quite a load and the kids were thrilled with all of their new toys. When it was finally time for Christian and Ana to exchange gifts, it was obvious they were both nervous.

"Open mine first," Christian said.

"Okay."

He handed her a small, beautifully wrapped box. When she opened the box, she saw the signature red box from Cartier. Inside the box, was a platinum charm, a rectangle, encrusted with diamonds. It was beautiful, but she was stumped as to what it meant.

"Turn it over."

On the back was an inscription that read:

_House of Grey_

_Erected 2011_

_Restored 2019_

"It's a brick, to symbolize us rebuilding our marriage." Ana immediately burst into tears at his words.

"You don't like it? Ana…"

"No! Christian, I love it. It's perfect. Thank you."

He smiled he shy smile and kissed her hand.

"I'm glad you like it."

"It's your turn. Here, open this one first."

The smile on his face was more like that of a child than a grown man. It was a sight to behold.

He opened the large, very light box and pulled out all of the tissue to only to find another wrapped box, this one he recognized, it was a slender rectangular box, a tie box. He quirked his brow and unwrapped it. Inside was a brand new silver tie, their tie. He smiled the most beautiful smile Ana had ever seen and then smirked at her. She smiled back and then spoke.

"The old one had a few snags; I thought it was time for a new one."

"Really?" He asked raising a brow once again.

"I wanted to be sure it was strong enough to withstand a tight knot."

"I see. Maybe we can test it later."

"I was counting on it, Mr. Grey."

"Mrs. Grey, I have another gift for you. I hope you like it."

He hands her a large envelope and when she pulls it out she sees that it is a property title. The title is in her name and attached to are several photos – photos of a beautiful beach house.

"When you picked beach as your code word, it gave me this idea." Ana looks at him still not quite understanding. "I know that I can be overbearing and that sometimes you just need a break from me. I finally get it. I am trying so hard to change, but I know that there will still be instances where I will try to control you. When that happens and you are feeling overwhelmed, I want you to use your code word. This is your beach house, it is filled with things that you love, it is safe and serene and I want you to be able to go there when you need a break. I'll know where you are and that you are safe, but you'll get the space that you need. Selfishly, I hope that you don't need it too often, but when you do it is there."

"Christian, I don't know what to say….I…I. Thank you. I am so proud of you and the changes you've made. You have no idea how much this means to me. Thank you."

"You are most welcome. As I said, I'm hoping you won't need it often, but we can go and see it this week if you'd like."

"I would love that. Here, you still have another gift too."

He took the present and shook it. This one was heavy and had a bit of a rattle. He was mystified. He carefully unwrapped it and burst into laughter when he opened it, causing Teddy and Phoebe to stop playing with their new toys and see what all the fuss was about. It was a mahogany box for a custom edition of Greyopoly.

"Open the rest, there's more to see inside."

Christian quickly opened the box and took out the game board. It included several of his business and personal properties and GEH took the place of Boardwalk on the board. The community chest and chance cards were personalized and when you had to make a contribution to charity it went to Coping Together. He was stunned. It was quite possible the best, most thoughtful gift he had ever received.

"There's still more. Open the game pieces," Ana whispered.

He opened the small compartment, with the game pieces and beamed when he saw what they were. There was an Eiffel Tower, A London black cab, a helicopter, a glider, an ice cream cone, a heart, a key, a tie, a small girl representing Phoebe and a boy representing Teddy, the final game piece was a book, engraved on the cover was an intertwined A and C and the words:

_More_

_Yesterday, Today, Forever_

Christian was speechless, completely overwhelmed with emotion. Ana just smiled, her own eyes now filled with tears. Teddy broke the silence.

"Daddy, mommy got you your own Monopoly game."

"She sure did, buddy. It's the best present I've ever received." Christian replied in a hoarse voice.

"Can we play, daddy?"

"Sure buddy, that sounds like a great idea. Let's all play Greyopoly."

_**Thanks for reading and reviewing.**_


	35. Chapter 35 - Closure

_**A/N: I am so glad that you liked the last chapter – it's a challenge coming up with gifts for the Greys! Many of you asked if that was the end of the story, not yet. Remember, I promised a couple more twists along the way…one is coming up soon, the next chapter, I believe. This chapter was not part of my original plan for this story, but I think you will like it. Thanks again for reading. Reviews are appreciated.**_

Christian was back at GEH for the first time in over a month. He never would have thought he could manage so long away from his business, but he had thoroughly enjoyed every minute with his family and Ros had done an excellent job handling things. His doctor insisted he only spend a few hours a time in the office, so he had come in to sign paperwork and pick up a few contracts to review at home. It had been two days since their wonderful Christmas celebration and Christian couldn't be happier. It seemed as though he and Ana were finally on the right path. They were communicating better than ever before and he was able to work through his anger and control issues in ways he never thought possible. And the sex, the sex was amazing. It always was with Ana, but somehow it seemed even better now. Perhaps it was because he now knew all too well what he almost lost. It really didn't matter, life was good and Christian intended to do everything in his power not to screw it up again. He found himself smiling and lost in his thoughts when Taylor interrupted.

"Sir, I have a package that was delivered for you."

Taylor waits for a reply and Christian merely nods in acknowledgement so he continues.

"The package has been scanned and there is no danger, but it is marked personal and confidential. A man delivered it personally a short time ago. He wanted to see you, but security at the front desk explained that he needed an appointment and you weren't available. When he asked to leave the package, I was called. The man said it has to do with Elena Lincoln."

"What the FUCK? I thought I made it crystal clear to that woman that I want nothing to do with her ever again!"

"Mr. Grey, I apologize, but perhaps you should take a look at this and see what it is. The gentleman who dropped it off did not seem threatening at all, but we copied his driver's license and Welch is running a background check now."

Taylor hands him the envelope and Christian runs his hand through his hair and sighs as he tears the seal open.

"Thank you, Taylor. I'll call you if I need anything."

"Yes sir."

As soon as Taylor left his office, Christian began to look over the documents. There is a long letter of introduction, accompanied by incriminating photos, medical records and finally, legal papers outlining a civil suit. Christian sits in shock for a few moments, trying to gather his thoughts when he realizes there is really only one option. He picks up his phone and buzzes Taylor.

"Taylor, I'd like to see Mr. Ryan as soon as possible. Please see when he can come by for a meeting."

"Yes sir, I will call him right away."

Christian hangs up without another word and looks through the documents again. He is pleased when Taylor announces that Mr. Ryan can be back at GEH within the hour. As Christian reads over the background check, he discovers that Andrew Ryan is ten years younger than him. He grew up just around the block from the Grey family home in Bellevue. He was a good kid from a respectable family, he played sports and got good grades, but all of that changed when he was fifteen…when he met Elena Lincoln. Christian wondered how on earth such a seemingly normal kid got tangled up with Elena. He was about to find out and he hoped he could handle the answers.

When Andrew Ryan arrived at Grey House, he was visibly nervous. Taylor met him at the front desk and escorted him to Christian's office on the twentieth floor. Christian stood when they entered his office and immediately stretched his hand out to greet Andrew. He gestured for him to sit on one of the sofas and he took a seat across from him, placing the envelope that Andrew had delivered earlier that morning on the coffee table between them. Christian could tell that Andrew was nervous, so he initiated the conversation.

"Mr. Ryan, I've read through the file you dropped off and I don't really know what to say…I I'm so sorry for what you've gone through."

"Thank you, Mr. Grey and please call me Andrew. I'm sorry if I blindsided you with this information, but quite frankly, I didn't know what else to do, who else to turn to. Elena told me about your, err…relationship."

Christian begins to panic, unsure of exactly what this man knows and what he is planning to do with the information. "What exactly did she tell you?"

"She…she told me that you were her sub for six years, starting when you were fifteen, just like me. She told me how much you liked it and that you eventually became a Dominant. She said you threw it all away for your wife, whom she obviously is not very fond of."

Christian listens intently, trying to keep calm and hide his searing anger. He could not believe that Elena had betrayed him so deeply. If she told Andrew, who in the hell else did she tell? How could she do this after he gifted the salons to her and simply walked away from their relationship, bearing no ill will at the time? Why would she do this to him? That was something he would have to think about another time. Right now, he needed to focus on the damaged young man sitting across from him.

His thoughts come back to Ana. "What else did Elena say about my wife?"

"She said she was nothing but a gold digger and that one day you would realize that and come running back to her. She said that you need BDSM like you need air and you'd never be able to stay away from it forever."

Christian is so angry he can feel the blood pulsing through his veins. Elena is pure evil and she needs to be dealt with – once and for all.

"Elena was wrong about my wife, and she was wrong about me. I don't need that lifestyle – not anymore. Andrew, how did you and Elena become involved?"

Andrew closes his eyes and grimaces as if he is recalling a painful memory. When he finally opens eyes, Christian can see that he is struggling to hold back tears. Seeing the obvious pain in his eyes, Christian internally struggles with having him continue, yet he knows he needs to hear what he has to say. Andrew lets out a deep sigh and begins his story.

"My mom worked for Elena in one of her salons. Apparently they were talking about me wanting to earn extra money to save up for a car. My mom explained that I was struggling to find anything, as you need a work permit if you are under the age of sixteen. Elena said she would be willing to sponsor a permit for me to work at the salon doing odd jobs, stocking, cleaning, etc. Not long after I started working there, my mom was transferred to another location, but Elena said I could continue at the Bellevue location, as it was close to home. One afternoon I came into work and was visibly upset. My girlfriend had just broken up with me to date some hot-shot senior." He said bitterly. "I was devastated. Elena noticed my mood immediately and brought me into her office. She was so kind and understanding when I told her what happened. I thought…I mean, I was obviously flattered by the attention from a hot older woman, but I thought she was just being considerate since she and mom were so close. I never thought it would turn into anything. She sent me home early and told me that things always look better the next day and maybe someone better than Caitlin would turn up in my life soon. I went home and didn't really think much about Elena. I was still too distraught about losing my girl."

Christian closes his eyes remembering when Elena first showed attention to him – when he was a fifteen year old boy working at her house. He was an angry, vulnerable boy with raging hormones. It sickened him to know that she had taken advantage of Andrew's vulnerability in the same way. Finally he nods encouraging Andrew to continue.

"The next day, she asked me to work late; she said she wanted to rearrange the stock room. I happily complied, looking for anything to distract my thoughts and help me earn extra cash. When we went into the stockroom, she asked me if I was feeling better, we talked a little about Caitlin and she asked me if I thought we would get back together. I told her I didn't think so and she asked if Caitlin was my first. I was shocked by the question, but I told her no, we had come close, but we never actually did 'it'. It was as if that triggered something in her."

"Before I knew what happened, she was stroking me and telling me that she could make me forget all about Caitlin and show me what it was like to be with a real woman. Needless to say, I didn't refuse and my first time was in the Esclava stock room. It was two days later when she took me to her playroom and punished me for admitting I still wanted Caitlin. She said she would take it easy on me, as I was new to this and after she would make it all better. And it was better, for a while. Then the punishments started getting worse, I couldn't function in football, I was too bruised and swollen to play well. My grades started slipping too, I couldn't concentrate in class, and all that I could think of was her. I knew what we were doing was wrong, so very wrong, but I didn't know what to do about it. My father was running for the state legislature and she told me it would destroy his career if our 'relationship' was exposed and that I would be to blame. She told me that it had to stay our secret."

"There were times when she was really tender and other times it was beyond brutal. She told me that I reminded her of you. She said that she could make me into something even better than you and that she made you a success. She said that without her you would be nothing and you let your bitch of a wife come in and ruin everything. She told me that she wouldn't let me make the same mistake. We talked more about the relationship you had with her and then she told me I needed to be punished for asking too many questions. That was the first night she used the cane on me. After that, I frequently went home covered in welts. One night when I was changing, my sister saw me and I told her about the relationship I was having, but refused to tell her Elena's name. I made her promise not to tell, but she insisted on taking pictures, in case I ever decided to press charges. The following week, my mother was diagnosed with terminal cancer. Elena made a big show of being the supportive friend and I knew if I told my parents what was going on, it would destroy them and make my mother's last few months miserable. I decided to stay quiet and I continued the relationship with Elena. Over time, I became less cooperative with her and my bitterness increased. She would punish me and there were times I couldn't control my emotions and therefore couldn't become aroused. Those were the days the punishments intensified."

"Finally, I told Elena that I was done. I quit Esclava and told her I would no longer sub for her. I had decided to tell my father in the hopes that he would help me, but Elena had taken pictures of me in very compromising positions and threatened to release them on the internet if I ever told anyone about us. I knew that would destroy my father's career and I couldn't do that to him when my mom was dying. I held it all in, but it destroyed me. I quit playing sports, my grades fell and everything just spiraled out of control. My mom's health continued to decline, so everyone attributed the change in me as a reaction to the fact that she was dying. I never corrected them and when she did, I just lost it. I had always been an A or B student and I failed out of college, I was a mess. I was depressed, angry and mad at the world."

Christian felt physically ill. Elena had manipulated Andrew the same way she manipulated him. Only Andrew knew how wrong it was, where as Christian thought it was exactly what he needed and deserved. How was it that Andrew knew better and it destroyed him, while Christian prospered? He was definitely going to need to speak to Dr. Morris about all of this.

Christian ran his hands through his hair. "It would seem that we have a lot in common, Andrew. I'm sorry for what Elena put you through. For what it is worth, I've only recently come to terms with the full impact of what she did to me. I hope you find closure much sooner. It took me almost losing everything that matter in my life to finally face up to my demons – demons that she bred in me. Don't let that happen to you."

"Mr. Grey, it's taken six years of therapy for me to come to terms with Elena's abuse and now I want retribution. I know there were others too."

"What do you mean there were others?"

"Elena told me that there were other minors. She said she had a couple of them while you were at Harvard. She never told me their names, only yours, but she was proud of it. She said she liked to mold young minds, show them what they need to succeed and teach them that love was for fools. Look, I have no reason to lie to you, Mr. Grey. I need your help. I know if you agree to help me, I will succeed in getting justice. It is too late for criminal charges, but it's not too late for a civil suit. At least a civil suit will expose her for the hideous molester and abuser that she is." Christian swallows hard as he tries to find his voice.

"What exactly do you want from me Andrew?" Andrew sat up straight and looked him directly in the eye as he spoke.

"I want you to testify in my civil suit against Elena."

Riding in the car on the way to an emergency appointment with Dr. Morris, Christian continued to replay his conversation with Andrew Ryan. He seemed like a good man, a good man who became a fucked up man because of Elena Lincoln's abuse. He was still reeling from the disclosure that Elena had told him all about Christian and badmouthed Ana, as well the fact that there had been other minors who were…raped, abused and molested by Elena. That was the hardest pill to swallow. For so long he had been able to reconcile what they did and he genuinely believed he was the only one, the only minor she had seduced into the dark and twisted world of BDSM. Ana, his parents and Dr. Morris had been right all along. She was an evil child molester who preyed on her victims and seduced them into a new type of nightmare – the kind you are still living over twenty years later. He wanted to help Andrew, but he wasn't sure he was prepared to pay the price that would come with such a public revelation. It would mean not only revealing his abuse, but also his former lifestyle. He knew Elena would not take the suit lying down and he wasn't sure whether he or his family could survive another damaging public revelation. He hoped Dr. Morris would be able to offer some insight.

As he walked into her office, he suddenly felt a surge of panic. He thought he was finally done dealing with Elena and she wound up in the middle of his world once again and just when things were finally going right. What was it going to take to get rid of her once and for all? '_You know what it is going to take Grey, testify against her, get some justice for yourself, Andrew and all of her other victims_.'

"Christian, please have a seat." Dr. Morris was waiting for him as soon as he arrived through the rear entrance. "How was your Christmas?"

Christian smiled at the memory. "It was amazing, maybe the best one ever. Thank you for asking. How was yours?"

"It was wonderful, as well. I'm happy to hear you enjoyed the holiday with your family. I think this year is going to be a real turning point for you. Now, what brings you in this morning? We weren't scheduled for another session until next week."

Christian immediately tensed. "I've had some recent developments and I was hoping you could offer your professional opinion."

"What kind of developments?" He passed her the envelope with all of the information that Andrew Ryan delivered to him earlier that morning and she took a few moments to read the letter and look over the accompanying documents.

"How do you feel about this?'

Christian got up from his seat and began pacing around the room. "How do I feel? How in the hell do you think I feel? I feel sick, disgusted…the list is fucking endless."

"Language, Mr. Grey."

"I take it you knew nothing about this man and his relationship with Elena then?"

"No, of course not! I only found out this morning when this package was delivered to my office and then I met with him shortly after."

"You met with him?"

"Yes. I set up a meeting as soon as I read the information."

"And?"

"And what?"

"And what did the two of you discuss?"

Christian returned to his seat on the sofa and let out a deep sigh. "We talked about how he got involved with Elena, what happened during their relationship and the devastating effect it has had on his life ever since."

Dr. Morris nodded. "I see. Did you find his circumstances to be different than yours?"

"Yes and no. I mean he was the same age, fifteen, when she seduced him, but he was a good kid, the total opposite of me."

"Christian you weren't a bad kid, you were troubled, but you weren't bad."

Christian shook his head in disagreement. "That's hardly much of a distinction."

Dr. Morris rolled her eyes. "Let's move along. So he was a minor, like you, but not as troubled."

"Not really troubled at all until after her. She found out he had broken up with his girlfriend and pounced on him. His mother worked for Elena, they were good friends."

"Interesting, much like your mother and Elena. She certainly has an interesting method for selecting her victims."

Christian shook his head in disgust and resumed his pacing around the room. "She just destroyed him. He was a good kid, smart, athletic and after he got involved with her he lost himself. He dropped out of sports and wound up failing out of college. He's been treated for PTSD and depression. It's a terrible story."

"Yes, yes it is."

"The thing is, he said he knew from day one what they were doing was wrong and she basically blackmailed him to keep him quiet."

"That isn't that different from what she did to you, Christian. You were manipulated too, for years."

"I know, that's just it, it took me years to figure it out and he knew and it still fucked up his life."

"Being abused and molested at any age is traumatizing. Everyone has different limits and different coping mechanisms that they employ to deal with their circumstances, you probably know that better than almost anyone."

"I know, I just thought…I don't know. I guess it just goes back to what you've said before; she played him just like she played me. I used it to channel positive results in school and business and while it destroyed him, shattered his youth. It's just a shame."

"Yes, it is a tragedy. No one should have to go through that kind of abuse, but unfortunately it happens every single day. It takes great strength to come forward as a victim and confront your abuser, especially as an adult."

"He told me that Elena told him all about me and how she liked to mold young minds, to make them realize that love is for fools…he said there were other minor victims too."

"Well, that isn't surprising. Most child predators have more than one victim, particularly if that have a certain type and their existing victim has passed the desirable age, they move onto a newer, younger model."

"That is beyond despicable." Christian said with pure hatred in his voice.

Dr. Morris nodded in agreement. "Yes, Christian it is, but that is what Elena Lincoln is – a despicable child molester, the worst kind of predator."

Christian looks to the ceiling and takes a deep breath. As he exhales he shakes his head in agreement and speaks softly.

Christian smirked. "I know. I finally see that. I'd like to help this man, but I just don't know if I can do it."

"Do what, Christian?"

"He wants me to testify in his civil suit against Elena, he says that would ensure his victory against her. It won't put her behind bars, but she would likely lose everything and her reputation would be destroyed. For her, that is probably a fate worse than death." Christian laughs at that thought. "I just don't know if I can put my family through that kind of exposure, especially after this last year."

"Christian what happened over the last year is a direct result of Elena's abuse and brainwashing. Elena is the reason you have a process addiction to BDSM. Elena is the reason you became a dominant, Elena is the reason you felt that was an effective coping mechanism. You made some poor choices, but make no mistake; Elena led you down a very dark path."

"I understand that, but the media scrutiny after the elevator photos, may be too much. What if Ana left me, what if my parents couldn't handle it?"

"Look, you certainly need to talk with them before you make a final decision, as this does impact all of you. Talk to them. Remember, as we've discussed many times, communication is key."

"What do you want to do, Christian? If no one else was a consideration, what would you do?" Christian taps his chin for a moment and runs his hands through his hair as he considers the question.

Christian looked up and smiled. "I would help him."

Dr. Morris returned his smile. "Christian, just talk to Ana and your parents and then decide. This might be exactly the thing to give you the closure you need, but ultimately you have to decide if it's right for you and your family. It's a lot to consider, but I have no doubt you'll make the right choice."

"Thank you, Dr. Morris. You've helped put things in perspective."

"That's what I'm here for. Please don't hesitate to call anytime if you want to discuss this further."

"Thank you. I'll see you next week for the joint session with Ana."

"See you then and remember, call anytime if you need to talk."

"I will."

"Christian?"

"Yes?"

"Have a very Happy New Year."

Christian smiled and nodded. "Thank you, same to you, Dr. Morris."

****Ana could sense there was something bothering Christian the minute he walked through the door. He was radiating tension, it was obvious he had been running his hands through his hair and even his smile seemed to be forced. Ana welcomed him home with a warm embrace and a soft kiss that quickly heated up.

Christian kissed the top of her head and inhaled her scent. "God I missed you, Mrs. Grey."

Ana looked up and smiled at him. "I missed you too. I was expecting you a couple of hours ago. How was work?"

The tension returns to Christian's face. "Honestly, I didn't get much done."

"Oh?"

Christian releases her from his embrace and lets out a deep breath. "I had a visitor."

Ana immediately tenses unsure of what she might hear. "Really, who?"

"Where are the children?" I'd like to wait and talk until we have some time alone."

Ana smirks. "Well, you are in luck, Mr. Grey. The kids are at their Aunt Mia's house making cookies for your parent's New Year's Eve party"

"Well then, let's talk. Would you like a drink?"

Ana raises her brow questioningly. "Do I need a drink?"

"You might."

"Christian, you're scaring me."

He holds his hand out and motions for her to sit in the family room. "Come."

He presents her with Andrew Ryan's envelope and tells her all about their meeting and his subsequent emergency session with Dr. Morris. Ana doesn't really ask question as he talks, merely nods in acknowledgement, while scrutinizing the contents of the envelope, with a look of disgust. When Christian finishes speaking and tells her what Andrew wants, she finally speaks.

Ana puts the envelope down and takes Christian's hands. "What do you want to do Christian?"

Christian tilts his head back and rolls his shoulders. "Honestly, I'd like to help him, but I'm worried about the publicity and the impact it will have on you and my parents."

Ana squeezes his hands as she looks into his gray eyes. "Christian Grey, don't you dare worry about me. I am in this for the long haul and I would like nothing more than to see Elena Lincoln finally get what she deserves. That woman is nothing but a sick child molester. I will support you 100% if you decide to testify. This man deserves justice and so do you."

Christian signs in relief and pulls Ana to his chest. "God I love you, Ana. I don't know how I would survive without you."

Ana kisses him softly and caresses his face. "Well then, it's a good thing you don't have to find out."

"Will you go with me to talk to my parents in the morning?"

"Of course, like I said, I'll support you 100%."

"Thanks baby. Now, what do you say we advantage of our alone time?"

"I like that idea, Mr. Grey. I like it very much."

The next morning, Christian and Ana left the children with Gail so they could speak with Grace and Carrick about the civil suit. Thankfully, both Carrick and Grace took the revelations much the same way as Ana had. They were disgusted by the magnitude of Elena's crimes and wanted nothing more than to see justice done. Grace was livid that she would not get jail time, but hoped that as a minimum, she would lose everything and suffer public shame and humiliation as a result of her actions. They assured Christian that they could care less about the press and they would be happy to tell their side of the story to anyone who would listen.

In their opinion, Elena was a bottom feeder – a sick, child molesting whore, who deserved to rot in hell. Frankly, they were more disappointed in their own judgment than anything else. For years, they had welcomed Elena Lincoln into their home. She took advantage of their friendship and molested their own son; and now it turned out there were others too. It broke their hearts to learn what their son went through, but somehow finding out it was happening to other young boys as well, made it even more unbearable. She needed to be stopped and they were hopeful that by Christian coming forward, it would not only help this other young man, but help Christian finally put the past behind him, once and for all.

Christian and Ana were both relieved to have their support and Christian called his lawyers from the car as soon as they left. The next call he placed was to Andrew to let him know he would testify on his behalf. Andrew was shocked and told Christian his support meant the world to him. Christian also asked him to come by GEH after the New Year so they could discuss a job for him. He planned to offer him a job at GEH, as well as pay for him to complete his college degree, if that was something he still desired. He felt it was the least he could do to help, as he knew all too well what he had gone through.

The following morning, Elena was getting ready to open Esclava. It was New Year's Eve, one of their busiest days of the year, as everyone wanted to be primped and pampered in preparation for their New Year's celebrations. Elena was stocking some displays when she was interrupted by a knock on the door. It was a process server. He presented his badge and she opened the door, just as two of her stylists arrived for work. She let the girls in first and then invited the gentleman to step inside. He was a young man, probably late twenties, good looking and well built. She flashed her beautiful smile at him before she spoke.

"Good morning," she purred. "How can I help you?"

"I'm looking for a Mrs. Elena Lincoln."

"I'm Elena Lincoln, though I am no longer _Mrs. Lincoln_."

"I see. Well, I am a process server. Mrs. Lincoln, you've been served. I'll need you to sign here."

Elena was shocked and confused. She had no idea who would be serving her with legal papers. She quickly signed the paper and let the man out, remaining in a daze. She sat down on one of the chairs in the reception area and began to read the papers.

She could feel herself getting dizzy as she tried to focus on the text. Andrew Ryan was suing her…child molestation, aggravated battery, child endangerment…due in court for depositions…when she glanced at the bottom of the page she lost her footing….CHRISTIAN TREVELYN GREY, WITNESS FOR THE PLAINTIFF, Andrew J. Ryan. '_Christian was testifying against her! Dear God, what was happening?' _Suddenly everything went black. Elena collapsed and began foaming at the mouth. It was about five minutes before one of her staff members discovered her lying on the floor and called an ambulance.

The trauma center at Seattle Memorial Hospital was a mad house and it was barely noon on New Year's Eve. One could only imagine what it would be like later in the day, as this was always one of the busiest days of the year. Grace wasn't supposed to work, but she had agreed to cover a shift for a colleague whose wife gave birth the night before. Thankfully, she would be off in time to ring in the New Year with her family. With Christian home and well on his way to a full recovery, as well as reconciled with Ana, things were finally looking up for the Greys. She was snapped out of her reverie when the head nurse called her to assist on an incoming trauma.

"Dr. Grey, can you assist Dr. Lawrence in room 4?"

"I'm on my way."

As she walks into the room, she is shocked by the site before her, unable to move or speak. Finally, she steps into the room and offers her assistance, as the monitors go crazy.

"Dr. Lawrence, how can I help?"

"We're losing her, charge the paddles to 400, Dr. Gray, chest compressions."

They frantically work to save her, but after thirty minutes, it is time to give up.

"Dr. Grey, we need to call it. She flat-lined in the ambulance and we've been trying to revive her for more than 35 minutes." Grace nods her head in agreement and looks at the clock. "Time of death 12:47." Her voice is devoid of any emotion as she pronounces the time of death. Dr. Lawrence moves to cover the body and Grace moves her hand to stop him.

"Dr. Lawrence, I'll take care of that. I actually knew the patient years ago, I'd like to do this."

"Of course, Dr. Grey, I am sorry for your loss. If I had known you knew her, I never would have asked for your assistance."

"Not a problem. We're short staffed as it is and it is my job to help."

"Thank you. I'm just going to go check the board."

Grace pulled the curtain closed and stood staring at Elena's body for a moment, a myriad of thoughts running through her mind. She had never been a vengeful person, but she couldn't say she was sorry Elena Lincoln was dead. She was a vile human being who had pretended to be her friend all the while seducing her teenage son and now they knew for a fact there were others. She deserved to rot in hell and Grace had no doubt that was exactly where she was headed. She took a deep breath and leaned down to whisper to Elena.

"Well, Elena, at least you can't hurt anyone else. I hope Satan himself is waiting to greet you at the gates of hell, you deserve to burn for eternity for what you did to my son and who knows how many other boys. You are a monster."

Grace covered her body and left the room feeling a sense of closure at long last. Surely Elena dying on New Year's Eve must be some type of omen; yes, she thought to herself, it was going to be a good year for the Greys.

_**Well, she's dead…closure at last! What do you think? **_


	36. Chapter 36 - Revelations

_**Author's note: Please forgive the delay in getting this update to you. Real life, technological difficulties and a slight change to the storyline are to blame. I hope to have the next chapter up within a couple of days. Enjoy. **_

Christian sat in his office at GEH reveling in the memories of the last two weeks. Agreeing to help Andrew Ryan take down Elena was one of the hardest decisions he had ever made, yet once the decision was made, he felt 100% confident that he had made the right choice. Even though Elena died before he was able to face her in court, the realization that he was finally ready to admit to himself and the world how she had abused him gave him a sense of closure he never knew he was missing.

Interestingly, because the lawsuit had already been filed at the time of Elena's death, it made front page news, along with her obituary. The headlines read "**Accused Pedophile Dies of Heart Attack after Being Served in Civil Suit**." Because of her rather untimely death, the suit was rescinded. As a result, he and Andrew's names weren't revealed, but the public accusation gave both of them a certain level of satisfaction, even if they didn't get the justice they deserved.

Shortly after Elena's death, Christian offered Andrew a management trainee position at GEH, including tuition reimbursement as part of his compensation package, to enable him to finish his degree debt free. He enjoyed getting to know Andrew better and found that they had a lot of common interests like hiking, running and kick boxing. They also spent hours talking about their experiences with Elena, something Christian had never thoroughly confided in anyone. While it was an odd bonding experience, it really enabled them both to let go of those days and the painful memories that accompanied them. In an effort to ensure that other victims had help available when they needed it most, they decided to form a non-profit organization for sexually abused adolescents. It was to be called The Seattle Center for Sexually Abused Adolescents. Christian purchased a building for the organization and Drs. Morris and Flynn were heading up a national search for an executive director. It was their hope that the organization would be able to help victims turn their lives around before it was too late. He felt good about what he was doing and where he was in his life, perhaps the most content he had ever felt.

His darkest demons had finally been put to rest and he had everything a man could want; a beautiful wife whom he loved more than life itself, two amazing kids, good health, a supportive family, a successful business and more money than he could ever possibly need. He also had friends for the first time in his life, real friends. Having Flynn, Andrew, and even Taylor to a certain extent, in his life as friends, friends who knew his darkest secrets, comforted him more than he ever could have imagined. He didn't think he would ever share such a bond with another male.

Life was good and Christian Grey intended to enjoy it; he was heading home to his wife and kids. Home. A word that didn't have much meaning until Ana came into his life. No one could deny that the house on the Sound was a beautiful work of art, but it was Ana and the kids that made it a home, his home, _their _home. Walking through the door during the eight months they spent apart and knowing it was no longer his home was devastating. He had been given another chance and he intended to spend every day proving that he was worthy.

When Taylor stopped the car, Christian nearly sprinted to the door, anxious to see Ana and the kids. He found Ana in the kitchen icing a chocolate cake. He stepped behind her and wrapped his arms around her waist, kissing her hair and inhaling her sweet scent as he moved to her neck. "Hello Mrs. Grey." Kiss. "Where is everyone?" Kiss. "It seems awfully quiet," Kiss. He whispered as he moved up to nibble her ear.

"Well, your mom called and asked if they could borrow the children for the weekend. It seems they were in need of a grandchildren fix," Ana replied coyly.

"Hmmm. And how long will said grandchildren be gone?" Christian asked with a salacious smile.

"They are there until Sunday afternoon, Mr. Grey. Your parents invited us to brunch and said we could pick them up then. And before you ask, both Ryan and Reynolds are with them." She put the spatula down and turned into his embrace, running her hands up his chest and clasping them behind his neck as she pulled his head toward her for a kiss.

"So we have forty-four hours to ourselves? Whatever shall we do, Mrs. Grey?" Christian asked with hooded eyes and a smirk.

"I'm sure we can think of something, but right now it's time to eat. I'm starving." Ana gestured him toward the table with a smug grin.

It felt odd having a quiet dinner for two at home, especially since they had grown so accustomed to having animated dinners with the children. At the same time, it felt right. It was intimate and comfortable, just like it used to be. '_We really are getting it all back'_, Christian thought to as they talked about their day, exchanging smiles and small touches throughout the meal. Ana filled him in on Grey Publishing's latest conquests and he told her about some of GEH's biggest deals. They were easing back into normalcy and he loved it. He must have been lost in thought, as Ana waved her hands in front of him trying to get his attention.

"Sorry, baby. Did you say something?

"I was just asking how things were going with Andrew at GEH."

"Good, really good. He's a smart guy. I'm getting good feedback on his performance. It even seems that he's managed to find a girl."

"What? A girl who works at GEH? I can't believe you'd allow that, Mr. Grey. It seems you've gone soft in your old age."

"Perhaps I have. It isn't something I'd encourage and if it was with a subordinate, it would definitely be a problem, but he's dating another intern, a young woman from the Global Program. It's nice to see him happy."

"I bet. Have you met her? What is she like?"

"She's assigned to the Executive Team along with Andrew, so I've met her a couple of times. She seems nice. I believe her name is Sya. She's from Malaysia, seems to be a very bright girl. He asked me if it was okay to invite her to the Center next week, so maybe you'll get a chance to meet her."

"I'm just happy he is finally able to put the past behind him. He deserves to be happy after what Elena put him through."

"I think he's going to be just fine. I really do."

"You've helped him so much. I'm so proud of you."

"He's helped me too. I'm really glad he came to me for help. I always hoped there weren't others…like me, but in hindsight, it's been really nice having someone who understands what I went through."

"Well, I guess you're both lucky then and Elena's dead, so everyone wins. God, that really sounded awful, didn't it? I mean I despised that woman, and I can't say that I'm not happy she is gone, but I never actually wished her dead."

Christian erupts into laughter and takes Ana's hand.

"Baby, I love you."

"Is that why you're laughing at me?" Ana asked narrowing her eyes.

"I just love that you have such a good conscience."

"Well, I'm glad I can entertain you, Mr. Grey. While we are on the subject of the not-so-dearly departed, how are things going with settling her estate? I still can't believe she left part of it to you."

"Who knows why Elena did anything. I won't even try to pretend to understand her psyche. At least we are able to put all the money that comes from her estate into the Center. That's something. Did I tell you that one of the things she left me was a goat farm?"

"A goat farm, are you kidding me?"

"Yep. Apparently, it's very profitable too. With all of the allergies to cow's milk, goat's milk is good alternative. We'll make a good profit selling it."

"Why on earth would Elena have a goat farm?"

"Baby, I have no fucking clue. Maybe she became a pedophile turned goat-fucker in her old age."

"Ugh! I did not need that image in my head, Christian." Ana says scrunching her eyes and nose as she shakes her head in mock disgust. Christian once again erupts into laughter before turning serious as he begins to speak again.

"Elena the goat-fucker. I'll have to share that one with Flynn and Andrew, I'm sure they'll enjoy it too." Christian snickers.

"You are terrible."

"I know, but in this instance, it feels really good." Ana simply shakes her head and smiles as she gets up to clear the table. When she reaches for his plate, Christian pulls her onto his lap and turns her around to straddle him, kissing her deeply while kneading her behind.

Ana breaks away and raises her brow at him as she smirks. "Christian, don't you want dessert?" He smiles mischievously and nibbles her neck as he whispers in her ear.

"I have my dessert right here."

"Well that's a shame; I made your favorite chocolate."

_KISS_. "I do love your chocolate cake, Mrs. Grey, but _KISS_. I _KISS_. THINK._LICK_. IT. _NIBBLE. _CAN. _KISS_. WAIT. _LICK._ UNTIL. _KISS_. LATER.

Ana had a surprise and she didn't want things to get carried away before she lost her nerve. She struggled to break free from Christian's embrace and finally managed to escape from his lap. Although she was dripping wet and writhing with need for him, she was determined to gain the upper hand, and somehow managed to maintain her composure and begin clearing the table. Christian looked bewildered, worried even, for a moment. In an effort to reassure him, she took his face in her hands and kissed him hard. "Mr. Grey. I'm going to go and get dessert, why don't you open a bottle of champagne and I'll be right back." He shook his head in dismay and headed to the wine cellar for the champagne. '_She must have a plan, just go with it," _he thought.

Ana hurried to the kitchen and put their dishes in the sink, smiling as she thought about their carefree, romantic dinner. Spying the left over frosting still in the bowl, she decided it was time to sweeten things up. With an ornery smirk on her face, she quickly took off all of her clothes, except for the hot pink lace thong she was wearing. She found a pastry brush and covered her already taught nipples with the chocolate icing. She continued to quickly "paint" her body in strategic locations, much like an edible treasure map.

When she heard Christian call for her, she took a deep breath and sauntered back to the dining room, carrying the cake and the remaining frosting. She stood near the doorway admiring Christian and waiting for him to notice her. As if he could sense her presence, he looked up to the sight of his almost naked, chocolate coated wife smiling at him. His eyes were filled with a mixture of lust and awe, as he moved toward her with the speed and grace of a tiger, standing and reaching for her in one smooth movement. He hungrily scanned over her body and placed her on the table before him. "This is my kind of dessert," he growled. His tongue slowly and achingly began to lick the chocolate peaks making Ana moan. With trembling hands, she began to unbutton his shirt, running her hands across his chest and abdomen, as she felt every muscle in her body contract in wanton anticipation of playing with her handsome husband.

They spent the rest of the weekend making love on various surfaces throughout the house, as well as in the boathouse and pool cabana. They talked about everything and nothing and could barely keep their hands off of one another. It was as if they were not only making up for lost time, but at the same time discovering one another again. In a way, that was exactly what they were doing. On Sunday afternoon, they went to pick up the children at Grace and Carrick's and had brunch with the entire family. Everyone commented on how happy they looked and how it good it was to see them together. Christian made a silent vow that they would never be apart again.

The following week flew by and it was once again time for the weekend. Elliott had recently finished building a magnificent playhouse for his children and Teddy and Phoebe had been begging to sleepover and play with their cousins. Christian finally agreed, but only if the perimeter was secured in advance and three guards accompanied the children. While Kate and Elliott thought the security was a bit much, they nonetheless agreed to Christian's conditions and planned a fun weekend for the kids, giving Christian and Ana another weekend alone. Christian and Ana knew that this was the family's way of supporting their reconciliation and they were grateful for their efforts to give them some time alone to rebuild their marriage and rediscover each other.

Unfortunately, the weekend didn't look like it would turn out as they planned. Ana had not been feeling well for several days. She worked from home the beginning of the week and took off altogether on Thursday and Friday. They suspected that she was coming down with a bug that Phoebe had the previous week, but by Friday she knew it was something else and she was terrified. Christian had been coming home early all week to take care of her and help with the kids. On Friday when he came home, the kids were already at Kate and Elliott's and he found Ana in a fetal position on the chaise in the family room. He hurried to her side and immediately noticed the silent tears streaming down her face.

"Ana, baby, what is it? Do you need to go to the hospital? Do you want me to call my mother?" His voice filled with worry and panic. Ana simply shook her head no and curled herself tighter, staring off in the distance. Christian gingerly climbed onto the chaise and wrapped her in his embrace, kissing her hair and wiping her tears away.

"Baby, please talk to me. Tell me what's wrong. You're scaring me, Ana. Please talk to me."

She looked up at him, her eyes filled with tears and distress. She closed her eyes as if she was in pain. She took a deep breath and choked the words out.

"Christian, I think I'm pregnant."

_**Thanks for reading. Please take a moment to review if you have the time. I think we have five chapters left, so we are nearing the end of the journey. **_


	37. Chapter 37 - Running Away

_**Author's Note: This chapter may be a difficult read, but I hope you'll stick with the story, as the end is near. Thanks for reading. The Fifty Shades Trilogy and characters belong to E.L. James**_

_Is anybody out there?  
Is anybody listening?  
Does anybody really know if its the end of the beginning?  
The quiet rush of one breath  
Is all we're waiting for  
Sometimes the one we're taking  
Changes every one before.._

It's everything you wanted, it's everything you don't  
It's one door swinging open and one door swinging closed  
Some prayers find an answer  
Some prayers never know  
We're holding on and letting go

Sometimes we're holding angels  
And we never even know  
Don't know if we'll make it,  
But we know,  
We just can't let it show

"Christian, I think I'm pregnant."

The words echoed in his head, seemingly on endless repeat. A huge smile played across his face as the words finally sunk in. Ana was pregnant and he was thrilled. His state of bliss was interrupted by a choked sob coming from Ana. '_Why is she so upset…doesn't she want this baby?'_ Concern for his wife and her well being broke him from his thoughts, as he held her tightly in his arms and peppered her face with soft kisses while wiping her tears away.

"Ana, baby, what's wrong? I know this wasn't planned, but it will be okay. Don't you want this baby?" Christian's voice was laced with panic as he said the words, praying he was wrong.

"Christian, I…I haven't been feeling well for a while and I just thought maybe it was stress or something with everything that's been going on these last few weeks." Her eyes were filled with worry and fear as she spoke.

"Baby, I'm so sorry. If I had known you weren't feeling well, I would have done something to help. Why didn't you say something?"

"It's not your fault. I didn't feel bad, just a little off and I thought it was due to stress, but this week, I started feeling nauseous for the first time and then this morning Gail had a chicken out to make soup and I thought I was going to die. And then I knew…"

"Ah yes, the poultry aversion, I remember that from your pregnancy with Teddy." He smiled at the memory and kissed her hair. Christian frowned as Ana let out a choked sob that quickly turned into heart wrenching cries. He held her tightly and whispered endearments, not knowing how else to soothe her. One of his hands gently caressed her head and face, while the other splayed protectively over her stomach in the area where her bump would soon grow. When she finally began to speak, he swore he could feel his blood go cold as his brain registered the meaning of her words.

"Christian," Ana whispered with tears streaming down her face. "I...I haven't been feeling well for weeks and it's only been a couple of weeks since we...we've been intimate. The symptoms started before then. I'm so sss…sorry, Christian."

Christian's eyes widened in shock and he swore his heart, or what was left of it, was about to beat right out of his chest. As he looked down at Ana's face, he saw a myriad of emotions; fear, pain, sorrow, heartbreak. He was at a complete loss for words. It was as if he was frozen in time, unable to speak or move. It was Ana who finally broke the silence.

"Christian, please say something. I…I'm so sorry. Please just say something." Ana's tears continued to stream down her face and her lips trembled as she begged Christian to speak. He pulled away from her and climbed off the chaise. He ran both of his hands through his hair as he closed his eyes and bowed his head to his chest.

"This…this is Eric Allen's baby? You're carrying that fucking prick's baby?" His breathing was labored and his voice was laced with venom as he spat the words at her.

"Christian, I…I..I didn't mean for this to happen. It…I…I'm ssss sorry." She sobbed.

"You're sorry, Ana? Sorry? You are carrying another man's child. What in the fuck were you thinking?"

"Christian, we used protection. He used condoms. One of them must have broken."

"Condom_**s**_? I thought you were only with him once, Ana? What the FUCK?" He roared.

"Christian, we only spent one _night_ together. It was just the one night in New York."

"But you fucked him more than once, right? I guess they must have been pretty potent fucks."

"Christian _STOP_. Please don't do this, please. We've come so far, please don't do this."

"Well, I guess it doesn't really matter how far we've come at this point, now does it?"

"Christian, don't say that! Please don't say that….I love _**YOU.**_ I love you so much. Please, Christian. We can figure this out. _Please_."

"Ana, I…I don't know how we can work this out. I just…I can't do this right now. I need to go."

"NO! Christian please d..d..don't leave me. Please, Christian." Ana cried after him hysterically, chest heaving sobs escaping her lips as she begged him to stay. He turned to her, his own eyes filled with tears, which steadily streamed down his cheeks. He grabbed her by the shoulders and pulled her to him, hugging her like he would never touch her again. All too soon, he pulled away and began wiping her tears away. He led her back to the chaise and knelt down so he could look straight in her eyes.

"Ana, I can't be here right now. I love you, I love you so fucking much, but I need to get out of here. I need to…I need to think. I don't know what to say or do right now, but I just know I need to get out of here. We'll talk later, but I need to go." He gave her a chaste kiss on the lips, wiped her tears once more and he was gone. She wrapped herself into a ball and succumbed to the overwhelming sorrow that had taken over her heart. She had no idea how long she stayed in that position, but when she finally felt like she couldn't cry anymore, she got up and made her way to the bedroom in search of a key. As soon as she found it, she grabbed her purse and car keys and headed out the door.

_oooOooo_

Christian left the house not knowing where he was going, but knowing he had to get away. When Ana told him she thought she was pregnant, he was on cloud nine. He couldn't help but think how quickly he had descended into hell. Finally, he pulled over to the side of the road and rested his head on the steering wheel as he gave into the heartbreak he felt. _Ana is pregnant. She is carrying another man's child. How are we ever going to get past this? _Once he realized he didn't have the answer, he pulled out his phone and called the one person he hoped could help.

Because it was well after office hours on a Friday night, Christian met Dr. Morris in the parking lot of her building. She ushered him in and flipped on the lights as they made their way to her office. Taking one look at him, she shook her head and sighed.

"What in the hell happened, you look like hell." When Christian failed to respond, she sat down and tried a different tactic. "Christian, what is it? You're obviously very upset, but you know I can't help you if I don't know what the problem is." He lifted his head to meet her warm eyes, his own bloodshot and filled with unshed tears.

"Ana is pregnant."

"I thought you wanted another baby, why are you so upset? This should be joyous news."

"Apparently she hasn't been feeling well for a while, but thought it was just stress. We didn't start having sex again" he sighed, then paused and bit his lower lip. "..until Christmas Eve."

"OH! I…see. So this baby…"She began to speak but Christian cut her off.

"…Is Eric Allen's." He snapped bitterly.

"Obviously this complicates things. How is Ana holding up? I can only imagine the kind of stress this sort of shock would bring."

"She was a mess…I don't know. We didn't really talk much. When she first told me she thought she was pregnant, I was thrilled and she just cried. When she finally told me about the timing, I just lost it...I…I didn't know what to do or say, so…I…just…I just left."

"Running away probably isn't the best option, especially considering all that the two of you have been through these last few months, but under the circumstances, it is understandable. Frankly, it was probably a better choice to leave than to stay and say things you might regret."

_Yeah right, I fucking ran out on her again when she needed me most._ "I don't know. I don't know anything right now. Did I ever tell you how I ran out on her when she told me she was pregnant with Teddy?"

"No. You've never told me about that. How does that make you feel?"

Christian laughed bitterly. "How does it make me feel? It makes me feel like the biggest fucking prick on the planet. I left my pregnant wife and went to Elena."

"I see. Well since that is no longer an option, I'm certainly glad that you chose to call me this time."

"Yeah. What do I do? How in the fuck can we survive this? I knew that things had been going too fucking well. We've come so far over the last few weeks. I really believed we were going to be okay. That all this shit was over and we could just move forward. I guess it was just too good to be true because I don't see how we can get past this."

"Christian, I'm not going to lie to you, this is a huge hurdle. There is no way around that fact. If you want to be with Ana, you'll have to be prepared to accept the baby that she is carrying as well."

"This is worse than a fucking soap opera! How in the hell did this become my life?"

"Christian, I don't think I need to remind you how this became your life. I believe that you are painfully aware of why things are the way they are right now. While Ana being pregnant with another man's baby is not your fault, it is an unintended consequence of your actions. I am sure that Ana didn't intend to get pregnant, things happen that are out of our control. Yes, there is no question that a baby will serve as a constant reminder, but let's also bring this back to you for a moment. Your…indiscretions were caught on film and plastered all over the internet, television, and in newspapers across the world. Ana has had to deal with the fallout of that and it will be out there – forever. Yet she chose to forgive you, to give you and your marriage another chance. A baby is a gift. You love your children, I know that. You are a wonderful father, and you are adopted, don't you think you could love this baby?"

"I…I don't know. I hadn't really thought about it like that." He paused for a moment to contemplate Dr. Morris' words. Could he love this baby? "Honestly, it's not so much the baby that I'm worried about, it's the fact that Allen will never be out of our lives. He'll always be there and I'm sure he'll try to use this baby to take Ana from me."

"Christian, Ana loves you. I've spent a lot of time together with the two of you over the last few weeks and I have no doubt that she loves you and only you. Eric Allen can't _take_ her from you, but if you push her away, I'm sure he will be there to pick-up the pieces. You need to decide if you are willing to take that risk, if you are willing to give her up because of this."

"No! I don't want to lose her, but I don't know how we can make this work."

"Christian, like I said, it won't be easy, but you love each other and you want to be together. You need to make it clear to Ana that you love her and that you want to be with her. If you have faith in each other, I have no doubt you can work this out. Let me ask you this, if you found out you had a child with a former sub and wanted to be a part of that child's life, do you think Ana would leave you because of that, even if it meant having one of your former subs in your life on a regular basis?"

_A baby with a fucking sub, is she fucking kidding me? Fuck that would be as bad as having a kid with Elena for Christ's sake._

"Well Christian, would Ana leave you in that situation?"

"Fuck, I don't know! I…if...if I didn't know about the baby and was not cheating on her when it happened, I…I don't think she would leave me.

Fuck if I ever want to be in that situation."

"Language, Mr. Grey. As I've said before, you've been lucky to this point to not have children across Seattle. Accidents happen, quite frequently in fact, so luck was clearly on your side."

"I don't subscribe to luck, Dr. Morris."

"Well than perhaps luck subscribes to you Mr. Grey, because let me assure you, you are lucky. Now, let's get back to the subject at hand. You love Ana, Ana loves you. You don't think Ana would leave you if you had a child with a former sub, conceived when you weren't with Ana. The question is, can you leave her over this?"

"I…I…I don't want to leave her." Christian said honestly.

"Then you need to go home and talk to her. Try to figure out some sort of game plan to deal with this situation. If you love each other and you want to be together, you can make this work."

"I'll try. Thank you, Dr. Morris."

"You're welcome. Anytime. Please call me if you need anything, day or night."

"I will. Thank you again. Good night."

"Good night Christian and good luck." Christian simply nodded and bowed his head as he walked out of her office and back to his car.

oooOooo

Driving through the gate and down the narrow driveway to the beach house, Ana was suddenly struck by how alone she felt. This beautiful beach house was supposed to be her sanctuary, a place for her to seek refuge when she needed time and space away from her husband, from life. Yet right now what she wanted more than anything was to be wrapped in Christian's arms and she wasn't sure if that would ever be possible again. She fled the big house shortly after Christian ran out on her. She felt as though the falls were closing in, laughing at her, taunting her for thinking things had finally settled down and that she and Christian could once again be happy together as a family with their children. She had called Kate to let her know where she was headed, in case there was an emergency with the children and she stopped at a local drugstore to pick up a pregnancy test. The test was merely a formality at this point, she knew what the result would be, yet she still felt the need for confirmation.

How did life become so complicated? She and Christian had been through so much over the last eight years and they had overcome so many obstacles over the last eight months, only to be punished by such a cruel twist of fate. Ana had never regretted the night she spent with Eric Allen. If fact, she truly believed that it was her intimacy with Eric that led her back to Christian. She realized after that night, that he was the only man she wanted to be with, the only man that had her heart. They fought their way back to one another and emerged stronger than ever and now their union was hanging by a thread, threatening to pull apart, inflicting irreparable damage.

Trying desperately to take her mind off her own personal drama, Ana took solace in her work, choosing to edit a couple of new chapters from a talented author, whose difficult disposition had already alienated two of Grey Publishing's top editors. Ana took on the job of editing the author both to make peace amongst her staff and to show them how to deal with a challenging personality. After a few tense meetings, as well as snarky emails and phone calls, Ana had to admit the author was a self-absorbed Prima Donna, with little hope of redemption, despite her obvious talent. The chapters were nearly perfect and Ana found herself searching for the slightest imperfection merely to yank the author's chain a bit or perhaps knock her down a notch or two from the tower of supremacy she had placed herself upon. Yes, her inner bitch had finally been unleashed and needed to be sated. She was willing to do anything to avoid facing her own problems, even if just this once it was at someone else's expense. Unfortunately, her efforts were futile. All she could think about was Christian and the sadness and heartbreak in his eyes as he left her. Maybe they had finally discovered the one thing that could destroy them.

She was perched in an oversized chair near the window lost in her thoughts when she saw headlights coming up the drive. She swore that her heart skipped a beat and prayed that it was Christian coming back to her. She raced to open the door to find the last person she expected to see, Eric Allen.

"Eric, w..what are you doing here?" she asked, her voice filled with apprehension.

"I tried calling you, but your phone must be turned off. I got your voicemail at home and on your cell so I called Kate to see if she knew how I could get in touch with you. She told me where I could find you. I'm sorry if I surprised you, but I need to talk to you."

_Fucking Kate. She can never just mind her own business._

"Look Eric, I came out here to be alone. I needed some time to think. What was so important that you came all the way over here on a Friday night?" Ana was trying to mask the irritation she was feeling, but she was livid that Kate would tell Eric where to find her when it was obvious she just wanted some time to herself.

"Ana, I really am sorry for intruding. Like I said, I tried to call first, but I couldn't reach you. I got a phone call a little while ago from the Seattle Nooz asking me if the baby you are carrying is mine. I felt like we should discuss this before it appeared in the press." It was clear that he was angry and maybe even hurt, which he didn't deserve. Ana began to panic. How in the hell did the Nooz get this kind of information? It wasn't even confirmed and the only person she told was Christian.

"What? How? Where on earth would they get that kind of information?"

"Ana I'm sorry, I really am. When I got the call I did some checking and it seems that someone saw you purchasing a pregnancy test and that you appeared disheveled and upset. The Nooz made the assumption that you were upset because the baby must be mine and they called me for a comment."

"What did you tell them?"

"I told them that we were not together and that it was my understanding that you and your husband had reconciled and if they printed such a story I would sue them for slander and libel. They seemed to back down and that's when I tried to reach you."

"Eric, I am so sorry. I'm sorry that you got caught up in this and I am sorry for snapping at you when you were only trying to help."

"There's no need to apologize, Ana. It's obvious that you're upset. You're my friend and I care about you, I wouldn't want anyone spreading rumors about us. But I need to know if there is any truth to this. Are you pregnant?"

_Choose your words carefully, Ana. They may come back to haunt you. _"I…I don't know for sure. I think I might be, but we were careful, Eric. If I am pregnant, this baby has to be Christian's." Ana hated to lie, but she also knew she couldn't deal with the truth right now. It was too much. It was all too much. Once her pregnancy was confirmed, she would figure out what to do, but right now her priority was Christian and somehow making things right between them again.

"Then why are you upset? I assumed things were going well between you two."

"Things have been going well, really well, but this was a surprise. You know, it's just not the best timing and Christian has had a lot going on recently. I was just hoping we might have some more time to work on our relationship before we had another child." She could tell that he didn't really believe her, but it didn't seem that he was going to push her and that was all she was willing to reveal – for now.

"Is that why you are out here, alone?"

"Yes. I just needed some time to think, everything has happened so fast. I just wanted to recharge my batteries, I guess."

"Ana, I know things are awkward between us now, but if you need anything, anything at all, I hope that you know you can count on me. I mean that, anything."

"Thanks, Eric. I appreciate that, I really do."

He moved closer to her and lifted her chin to face him, offering her a small smile as he spoke.

"Everything will work out, you'll see. A child is a blessing. I'm sure you and Christian will be just fine." He bent down to hug her and gave her a friendly kiss on the cheek as he prepared to leave.

_oooOooo_

When Christian finally returned to the house, he found all of the lights out and assumed Ana had already gone to bed. He was about to pour a glass of wine when he saw the note she left for him.

_Christian,_

_I've gone out to beach house to think. I couldn't be here anymore without you. I'm so sorry for everything. I love you so much._

_Ana_

_Fuck. She didn't even feel comfortable in her own home. The last thing she needs is to be alone when she is so upset._ He hated that she was so upset and alone and he knew that he needed to go to her. He knew that this situation was a nightmare, but he also knew that he didn't want to lose her – he didn't think he could survive if that happened again. It wouldn't be easy, but there had to be a way for them to get through this together. He quickly grabbed a change of clothes, the Greyopoly game, Ana's bracelet, which he had just picked up for the jeweler after having the brick added, and a bottle of sparkling cider. He climbed into the R8 and headed for the beach house.

Pulling up the house, he was surprised to see two cars in the driveway, one was Ana's R8 and the other belonged to the one man he hoped to never see again, Eric Allen. _What the fuck? Did she call him to tell him about the baby? Is she leaving me for him, again?_ _No, I can't lose her, I won't fucking lose her to that asshole! _As he walked up to the house, his frustration quickly turned to rage when he saw Ana wrapped in his arms as he bent down to kiss her. _I'll fucking kill him!_

_**Thanks for reading. Reviews are appreciated. The song lyrics are Holding On and Letting Go by Ross Cooperman.**_


	38. Chapter 38 How Could We Forget?

_**Author's Note: There were obviously some very strong opinions on the last chapter. Please don't forget that I did promise a few twists along the way. I hope this chapter will answer some of your questions. Please note, the scene that Christian is walking in on is the same one described from Ana's perspective in the last chapter. Of course, Christian's take on the "friendly" kiss and embrace is a bit different. As always, thanks for reading.**_

_This can't be happening. I can't lose her – again._ Christian was devastated as he took in the scene before him. Eric Allen was in his house, the beach house that he bought for Ana, with his hands all over his wife. _Does she love him? Has she been lying to me? Does she want him?_ He was momentarily paralyzed by his thoughts as he stared at the two of them together. His devastation quickly turned to rage and even he was afraid of where it might lead as he walked towards the house.

"Get your fucking hands off of my wife!" The venom in his tone was enough to put fear in God himself. Ana quickly pulled away from Eric and moved towards Christian, whose steely gaze remained locked on Eric, as he entered the beach house.

"Christian! Stop! It's not what you think, please stop." Ana begged as she stood between the two men, acting as buffer, though she had no idea who she should be trying to protect at that point.

"It's not what I think? How in the fuck do you know what I think, Ana?" Christian roared as he forced Ana to the side and made his way towards Eric.

"Christian, I only came to talk to Ana. Nothing happened between us. She loves you." Eric said calmly.

"It didn't look like nothing when I walked in. What are you playing at, Allen?"

"I'm not playing at anything. I came here to talk to Ana and I was about to leave when you stormed in." Ana once again stepped between the two men, as she could tell Christian was about to explode. His jaw was clenched and his hands were fisted at his side, anger radiating from his body.

"Christian, please calm down. Please." Her pleas fell on deaf ears and only seemed to make him angrier.

"You want me to calm down, Ana? I come out here to apologize and I find you in the house that _I _bought for _you_, to be your place to relax and unwind, not to be used as a god damn fuck pad with your lover!" He spat with malice.

"Christian! Listen to yourself! How dare you fucking accuse me of that? I. . I had no idea Eric was coming here tonight. Kate told him where to find me; he came here to do me, us, a favor. He's only trying to help."

"A favor? A _fucking_ favor? What a sexual favor for you? Does he have you fucking dicmatized? What the hell? Have you been seeing him all along, Ana? What kind of a sick game are you two playing?" Ana didn't even see it coming, as Eric moved around her and landed a swift blow to Christian's face, knocking him to the ground. As Christian held his cheek in shock, Eric moved so that he towered over him, his voice calm and menacing as he spoke.

"I get that you don't like me and believe me, I am not a big fan of yours, but Ana doesn't deserve this. For whatever reason, she loves you and she has chosen to forgive you. I respect her enough to honor her decision. Yet you barge in here accusing her of unspeakable acts, acts that even I know she would never commit in her marriage, but the same sure as hell can't be said for you, can it Grey? You are unbelievable. You storm in here spewing venom, as if you don't even care for your wife. She is an amazing woman, Grey. I am proud to be her friend and I promise you if you screw this up again, I'll help her to secure the best divorce attorney in the state of Washington instead of encouraging her to give you another chance, you miserable son of a bitch." With that, he turned back to Ana, who seemed to be in shock, gently grabbed her shoulders and whispered softly to her.

"I'm sorry for all of this. Do you want me to take you somewhere or call someone? I don't want to leave you alone with this bastard." By this point, Christian had made his way up and was standing nearby, looking like a lost boy, unsure of what to do next.

"Eric, you should go. I'll be fine. Christian would never hurt me." Eric looked at her with questioning eyes and turned to face Christian once again.

"If you do anything to hurt her, you'll have me to answer to. She is my friend and I care about her, whether you like it or not. Don't screw this up again, Grey. She's one of a kind are you are lucky to have her. Ana, if you need anything, anything at all, you know where to find me." With that, he turned on his heels and left, as Ana and Christian stood staring at each other, full of uncertainty. Ana made the first move as she walked towards him and gently caressed his cheek, which was red and swelling. She looked into his eyes, as her own once again filled with tears, and began to speak.

"I love you Christian Grey. Please don't give up on me, on us. I'm so ssss…sorry. Please." Without a word, Christian wrapped her into a tight embrace. It felt as though he was holding on for dear life and might never let go. After a few moments like this, he gently pulled away and took her face in his hands, wiping away her tears and caressing her face as if she might break if he pressed to hard.

"I love you too, Ana Grey, so much. I've learned what it's like to live without you and I don't ever want to do that again. We've been to hell and back this past year and I'm not about to let anything destroy us. I don't know how we'll deal with this mess, but I do know that I don't want to lose you again. We'll figure it out. Somehow, we'll figure it out."

He bent down and gave her a soft kiss, which she quickly deepened as her tongue sought entrance into his mouth. As their tongues melded together, he began to caress her behind and lifter her off the floor. She wrapped her legs around him and without breaking the connection. He moved to the front of the house, where he locked the door and closed the shutters. He carried her into the great room where he dimmed the lights and hit the remote control for the fireplace. He placed her down on the soft wool rug and continued to kiss her. His hands slowly moved down her body and he made quick work of removing their clothes. He worshiped her body over and over and they were lost in each other all night long.

As the new day broke, they knew that had to leave their bubble, pick up their children and face this situation head on. They also knew they would do it together. The next morning, Ana explained to Christian why Eric was at the beach house and how he had tried to reach her on the phone before visiting. He was furious about the Nooz story and placed a few calls to confirm that they would also sue for slander and libel if they proceeded with the story. Satisfied that the story was dead, he turned his wrath towards Kate for once again interfering in their lives.

After a long, hot shower together and a brisk walk on the beach, they headed to Kate and Elliott's to pick up Teddy and Phoebe and give Kate a piece of their mind's for sending Eric to the beach house. They walked up to Kate and Elliott's door hand in hand, with a strong sense of solidarity. They were in this together, and they were both mad as hell at Kate for interfering and sending Eric to the beach house the night before, especially since she had no idea what was going on. Elliott answered the door with his customary happy and laidback demeanor. He gave Ana a quick hug and a kiss on the cheek and he and Christian exchanged handshakes and their usual man hug.

"Hey guys. It's great to see…both of you. The kids are still out back playing in the playhouse, but they've been having a great time. Kate is in the kitchen, why don't you come in and have a cup of coffee, or tea for you little lady, while the kids play?" Elliott smiled kindly as he said the words. He didn't seem to have a malicious bone in him, giving even more credence to the theory that opposites attract, because Kate was most definitely his opposite in every way.

"Thanks, Elliott. I'd love a cup of tea and I'm sure Christian could use some coffee, but we'd both really like to talk to Kate." Ana replied softly, trying desperately to conceal the fury she was holding for her best friend.

"Well, go ahead in, I need to run upstairs and grab something and then I will join you." He gestured towards the kitchen and Christian and Ana headed in to unleash their wrath on a blissfully unsuspecting Kate, who greeted Ana with a huge smile, but merely glared in Christian's direction.

"Good morning, Ana. Christian. I'm surprised to see you _both_ here." The snarky remark was clearly aimed at Christian, who couldn't resist responding.

"Good morning, Katherine. Why wouldn't Ana and I both be here to pick up _our_ children?" Christian asked, keeping his tone even, but even Kate could tell he was being anything but friendly.

"I just thought…" Christian didn't let her finish the sentence. Instead, he got right in her face with a menacing growl.

"You just thought what, Katherine? That maybe we would be apart? That maybe Ana would get together with that fucker, Allen? Well guess what, your fucking plan backfired." She grimaced at his words, and that only fueled his hostility towards her.

"Ana and I are together and you need to get with the fucking program, _Kate_." Kate swallowed softly and tried to turn away, but Christian angled his body slightly, making it next to impossible for her to avoid his fierce gaze. "I don't care whether you like it or not, it's not about to change. Not today, not ever and the next fucking time you try to sabotage our marriage, you'll be the one on the losing side of the equation." His voice once again remained calm, but his eyes betrayed him. It was obvious that he was doing everything in his power to contain his ire, so Ana reached out to caress his arm and forced him to look into her eyes. She nodded at him, casually letting him know she was okay and that it was her turn to say her piece, as Kate stood shell-shocked.

"Kate, why on earth did you tell Eric to go to the beach house last night? I mean, you gave him the security code for the gate and you didn't even call me to tell me? What were you thinking?" Kate is reduced to tears at this point, but Ana doesn't make a move to comfort her, instead she waits for Kate's response.

"Ana, I am so sorry. I…I thought that...I don't know, I guess I thought that if you and Christian were fighting, he must have done something to hurt you again and I just…I just want you to be happy. Eric called here looking for you and he said it was really urgent that he speak to you and I…I just thought that maybe if he showed up, he might…he might be able to comfort you in some way I guess. I really was trying to help you. I didn't mean to cause another problem in your marriage. I'm sorry. I should have called you."

"Yes Kate, you should have called me. You know that Christian gave me the beach house so that I would have a place to go when I need time to myself to think. Why would you think it was okay to send Eric there?"

"I'm sorry, Ana. I really am." Kate said sincerely.

"Kate, you need to understand that I am back with Christian. I love him with all of my heart and I've forgiven him, it's time you accepted that, because if I am forced to choose, I choose him." Ana was adamant in her declaration.

"Ana, I understand. Christian, I really am sorry. I wasn't thinking. I won't interfere again, I promise. I hope you can both forgive me." They both nod in response and Ana hugs Kate. They part just in time for the kids to run into the house. Christian and Ana quickly gathered the kids and headed home for some family time, knowing that tomorrow is likely to be tense at best, as Christian pulled strings to have Ana seen by Dr. Greene first thing in the morning. That night, they made slow, passionate love, as though it was the last time. There were very few words, but every kiss, touch and caress conveyed the love they had for one another. They both hoped it would be enough for what they had to face the next day.

The morning went by in a blur, with Christian and Ana moving almost robotically through their morning routine. Somehow they managed to have breakfast and get the kids off to school without any questions as to why mommy and daddy were acting so strangely. The silence in the car was palpable as Taylor drove to them to Dr. Greene's office. Christian held Ana's hand tightly and caressed her knuckles with his thumb, as she stared out the window. When they arrived at the office building, Taylor stepped out to open the door and Christian climbed out and extended his hand to help Ana onto the sidewalk. He wrapped a protective arm around her and led her into the building. When they entered Dr. Greene's office, they were quickly escorted to an exam room and Ana was given a cup to urinate in and shown to the restroom. She returned to the exam room and finished changing into a gown just as Dr. Greene was entering. Dr. Greene greeted them both warmly and got right to business.

"Ana, Christian, it's so good to see both of you." They each gave her a smile and shook her hand. "I understand we might have another little Grey on the way." Christian and Ana immediately tensed as she said the words, and it was clear that their reaction had not gone unnoticed. Dr. Greene cleared her throat and tried to break the awkward silence. "Why don't I go see if your test result is ready? I'll be right back." Christian and Ana sat once again in silence, neither able to offer encouragement or comfort to the other as the tension mounted. Dr. Greene returned to the room and her smile was tense, likely due to the anxiety radiating off of the Greys.

"Well, congratulations Ana, Christian. The test was positive. There is another baby on the way. Ana, do you have any idea how far along you might be?" _It was real. She really is pregnant. What happens now?_ Christian and Ana both appeared to be in a daze, seemingly in another world as they processed Dr. Greene's words. Dr. Greene softly repeated her question to capture Ana's attention. Ana, sweetie, do you know how far along you might be?" Ana finally snapped out of her trance and answered the question with in a quiet voice.

"I…I think about six weeks."

"Okay, well you know the drill, why don't you lie back and try to get comfortable. Since you aren't very far along, we'll have to do a trans-vaginal ultrasound, of course it's perfectly safe, but you might remember that it may feel slightly uncomfortable at first." Ana scooted back on the table and lay waiting for Dr. Greene. Christian gently squeezed her hand in both of his as a gesture of reassurance. Ana winced slightly as Dr. Greene inserted the condom covered wand into her and she and Christian both stared expectantly at the ultrasound screen. Dr. Greene stared at the screen for a moment before speaking.

"Ana, we didn't fill out the usual paperwork for this visit, since you needed to be seen right away. When was your last menstrual cycle?"

"Ummm, I think it was in late October or early November, I don't recall the exact date."

"And was it a regular cycle?"

"I remember it being pretty light, but ever since the first shot I ever did, my periods have been sporadic and fairly light."

"Well, the Depo-Provara is definitely out of your system, since you did not go ahead with your last couple of shots, but as you know, it can take months, sometimes even years, for your cycle to regulate again. In some patients the sporadic, light periods never change, while others bleed heavily for days on end. Everyone reacts differently." Ana nods in understanding as Dr. Greene continues. Looking at the ultrasound, it seems as though you are a bit further along than six weeks." Dr. Greene took measurements and turned back to Christian and Ana. "It looks as though you are more like ten or eleven weeks along. I am guessing that what you experienced was implantation bleeding, not a menstrual cycle. That happens frequently and is generally not of concern, but you are definitely much further along than you suspected." Ana darted her head towards Christian in shock. He returned her wide-eyed stare with his own look of astonishment.

His face suddenly broke out into a huge grin as he leaned over to kiss Ana as he whispered in her ear. "Karaoke night, how could we have forgotten about karaoke night, Mrs. Grey?" Ana returned his grin with a beaming smile, all of her worries and fears were instantly evaporated. It was Christian's baby. Their baby. Everything was going to be okay. Christian smiled his megawatt smile at her as he gestured towards the screen. "That's our baby, Mrs. Grey. That's my baby right there." His happiness was contagious.

"Yes, yes it is. I love you, Christian." Ana replied beaming.

"I love you too, Ana." Christian murmured as he kissed her ear. Finally, everything was exactly the way it was supposed to be. He leaned over to kiss her once again, and for a moment they were once again lost in their own bubble, forgetting that Dr. Greene was present for this intimate exchange.

Their bliss was interrupted as Dr. Greene once again cleared her throat. Feeling as though they had been caught misbehaving by the principal, they parted with smiles of pure joy as they turned to face Dr. Greene, their hands clenched tightly together.

"Ana, Christian. There's a problem. I'm so sorry."

_**Another cliff hanger, sorry! But hopefully this answers the burning baby question. My best friend and I both did the Depo shot and had completely different reactions, as described by Dr. Greene. Chapter 39 coming soon. Reviews are appreciated. **_


	39. Chapter 39 - Problems

_**Author's Note: **__Thank you so much for the amazing response to this story. I apologize for the delay in getting this chapter posted, but I decided at the last minute to change the outcome of this chapter from my original plan. It's a short one, but that is because of where I wanted it to end. But, the next and final chapter is complete. I'll be posting that shortly. The Fifty Shades Trilogy and it's characters belong to E.L. James._

"Ana, Christian, there's a problem. I'm so sorry." Dr. Greene's words echoed off the walls of the stark white exam room. Ana could sense an immediate change in Christian. His arms held her tighter, his breathing seem labored and his face was shrouded in tension. _This can't be happening. Will we ever catch a fucking break? How could we make it through the last nine months just to come to this? Please God, let our baby be okay! _

Dr. Greene looked first at Christian and then at Ana and took in their expressions of fear and devastation. She immediately realized the error she made with her choice of words She immediately tried to backtrack in order to mitigate the damage her words had already wracked upon the young couple, whose faces were now etched with fear and anxiety.

"Oh goodness, I'm sorry. I obviously didn't choose my words very well at all. The baby is fine, but Ana I am very concerned about your blood pressure. It's much higher than I would like and your urine has a high protein count. As you know, preeclampsia is a very dangerous condition and given the fact that you're almost through your first trimester, we need to take this very seriously. I'd like to start you on some medication that can help control your blood pressure…" before Dr. Greene is able to finish her sentence Christian interrupts in a panicked voice.

"Is that safe…for the baby?"

"Yes Mr. Grey, any of the drugs I would consider for Ana are all safe during pregnancy, but it is critical that she keeps her stress level to a minimum, eats a healthy diet and gets plenty of rest. Now, why don't we get a good look at this baby? I'm sure that will make both of you feel better and then we can talk more about your blood pressure." Christian and Ana both nod in agreement and Christian squeezes Ana's hand reassuringly and kisses her forehead. Dr. Greene removes the transvaginal wand and drapes the paper blanket over Ana's lower body. She instructs Ana to open her gown exposing her belly for the cool gel, as she can perform a regular ultrasound since she is further along in her pregnancy than was originally thought.

As the machine comes to life again, the room is soon filled with the familiar sound of the baby's heartbeat, only there seems to be a strange echo. Dr. Greene instructs Ana to move a bit on her side, as she and Christian anxiously watch the screen. As Dr. Greene turns away from the ultrasound machine to face them both, Christian gasps. He looks first at Ana, who responds with questioning eyes and then turns to Dr. Greene.

"Dr. Greene, is that….are there two?"

"Yes, Mr. Grey, that is a second fetus. Congratulations, you are having twins. Let's take a closer look, shall we?"

Ana is shocked to the core, while Christian just stares at the screen in amazement as Dr. Greene takes additional measurements and talks about healthy organ development so far as they can tell at this point, and other details. When he finally turns back to Ana, she looks terrified. He smiles lovingly at her, his eyes full of joy, giving her all of the reassurance that she needs. He gives her a small kiss on the lips and places his forehead against hers as he whispers softly, "Twins, we're having twins." She smiles back at him as she murmurs "yeah, we are. Isn't it great?" He nods his agreement with a warm smile and they turn their attention back to Dr. Greene, who is printing off pictures for them.

"Well, everything looks good, but the fact that this is a multiple pregnancy, makes me even more concerned about the threat of preeclampsia. Preeclampsia occurs in 5-10 percent of single pregnancies. The statistics increase dramatically in multiple pregnancies. The ratio increases to 1 in every 3 pregnancies. Given your past history, this is something we will have to watch very closely. I'd like to go ahead and do some blood work now, so that we can check the early indicators and proceed from there."

"Dr. Greene, what are the risks if Ana develops preeclampsia?"

"The greatest concern is that preeclampsia can lead to eclampsia, which can cause seizures, stroke, temporary blindness, coma or death. In rare cases, preeclampsia can cause placenta abruption, where the placenta separates from the uterus. Please remember these are rare, but I'd still like to keep a watch for any signs of trouble. The symptoms that we need to watch for in addition to monitoring your blood pressure and urine, include: excessive swelling, sudden weight gain, nausea or vomiting, abdominal, shoulder or lower back pain, severe headaches, changes in reflexes or any changes in vision. These are tricky, because many of these symptoms are common in normal pregnancies. I'd much rather be safe than sorry, so I'd like to see you weekly for blood pressure and urine checks. In addition, if you experience any of the symptoms I mentioned, I'd like you to call me anytime, day or night. Because the only cure for preeclampsia is delivery, we need to do everything we can to get you to a healthy gestational age. Ana, I'd like to start you on an antihypertensive medication today, in order to try and lower your blood pressure. We will do everything we can to keep this under control." Dr. Greene promises before continuing.

"I don't want to scare you. You should enjoy this pregnancy and your children at home. I just want you to be aware of the symptoms and risks so that we can work together to keep any eye on things."

Ana simply nods, clearly worried and upset about the increased risks to her and her unborn children.

"Here are your prescriptions for your prenatal vitamins and the Methyldopa. The Methyldopa can cause nausea, dizziness, fatigue and vivid dreams. If any of these side effects become too much, contact my office and we can try an alternative medication. Please try to take these with food or a full glass of milk, as that will help prevent nausea. And remember, please don't hesitate to call me, day or night, with any questions or concerns you may have. I believe you both have my cell number, but let me give it to you again, just in case. Now, I'll let you get dressed, please check with the receptionist to schedule your appointment for next week. Congratulations, once again. I know I've given you a lot to think about, but I have every hope that we can keep your blood pressure under control and you can have a happy and healthy pregnancy. I'll see you next week." Dr. Greene squeezed both of their shoulders softly on her way out of the room. As the door closed, Ana collapsed into Christian's arms and broke down.

Christian held her tightly and reassured her that he would do everything in his power to keep her and their babies healthy.

"Hey, it's going to be okay. You're going to be fine, all three of you are going to be just fine." His voice was full of conviction, making it seem as if willing it to be true would make it so. He helped her get dressed, they scheduled her follow-up appointments and made their way to Taylor and the waiting SUV. Ana rested her head on Christian's shoulder and quickly fell asleep dreaming of her beautiful family of six.

Stretching out as she woke from her nap, Ana realized that she was in a silk nightie in bed. _Christian, _she smiled_. _When she opened her eyes, a shiver ran through her body as she realized where she was: a place she never thought she would see again. Escala. _Oh Dear God, he lied. He lied about everything._

_**Thank you for reading. Reviews are appreciated.**_


	40. Chapter 40 - Not-So-Sweet Dreams

_**Author's note: **__This is it, the finale. Thanks to all of you who have supported me in my first attempt at Fan Fiction. I know that many of you may be frustrated with this ending, but it what I had in mind from the moment I started this story. My next story will be an AU fan fiction with a political spin. It should be up in the next couple of weeks._

The Fifty Shades Trilogy and it's characters belong to E.L. James

As the winter winds howled and the freezing rain tapped against the windows, Ana once again opened her eyes, and prayed that her mind was indeed playing tricks on her. She looked around the room in a state of confusion and disbelief, as the harsh reality set in and she grasped the truth that she was, in fact, at Escala. As she took the room in, she realized that it was exactly as she remembered. The driftwood furniture and white bedding was the same as it had always been. There were pictures perfectly displayed on the dresser, pictures of the life she and Christian had shared over the past eight years. Some were of their wedding, others were of Teddy and Phoebe, and there were also family photos and snapshots from various vacations.

Yes, the room looked and felt exactly the same. Except for the fact that she knew she shouldn't be there, that this room as she remembered it should no longer exist because Christian sold Escala months ago. He said it was plagued with his demons and that he felt haunted when he was here. It was no longer a home, but a hallow reminder of what his life had been before Ana and the kids. He sold it and said he had no regrets, other than not letting go of it sooner. Maybe then they could have saved themselves all of the pain the last year had brought them. He bought a new house, just a short drive from the big house, where he lived until they reconciled. _Or did he? Apparently, not. _

She closed her eyes briefly and felt the tears trickle down her cheeks as she gave in to the thoughts that were wreaking havoc on her mind. _How could this be? They had worked so hard to find their way back to one another and he was still lying? Did their marriage really mean so little to him? Was he still keeping subs? Had their reconciliation been based entirely on lies? How in the hell could he betray her like this – __**again**__? _Her panic and heartbreak quickly gave way to anger. She knew that she needed answers and she needed them now. She slowly sat up and began to climb out of bed mentally preparing herself for a confrontation with her husband, the man she should know better than anyone else in this world, yet somehow she now found herself questioning whether she ever really knew him at all. As she made her way to the door, she suddenly felt a sharp pain in her abdomen and lost her footing, crying out as she fell to the ground. Christian and Taylor were by her side instantly.

"Ana, baby, what happened?" Christian's voice was soft and laced with concern. Ana quickly snapped her head up and pulled out of his embrace, her eyes filled with fury as she shot him a look of pure anger and contempt. Christian looked at her like a deer caught in the headlights, unsure of how to proceed.

"GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME!" Ana shouted, her voice full of venom. Christian slowly backed away, looking concerned and perhaps even a little bit frightened. Taylor took the moment to interrupt with a small cough, reminding Christian and Ana of his presence. Christian shrugged his shoulders gave him a puzzled look, letting him know that he had no idea what was going on with his wife at the moment. As if able to sense Taylor's uncertainty, Ana looked up at him and spoke. "Taylor, I'm fine, thank you for your concern. I'd like to talk to _**Mr. Grey**_ alone if you don't mind."

"Of course, Mrs. Grey. I'll be in the security office, please call me if either of you need anything." Taylor murmured as he quickly scurried out of the room, obviously uncomfortable being a part of the tense interaction that was taking place between his employers. As the door closed, Christian took a timid step towards his wife, completely uncertain as to what he should do or say to ease the tension in the room.

"Ana, baby, do you want to talk about what has you so upset?"

"Fuck you, Christian! I really don't know where to begin right now. How could you?"

Still at loss as to what he might have done in the last hour to make Ana react this way, he quietly spoke. "How could I what?" He asked cautiously. No response, just another look that would likely bury him six feet under, if looks could kill. "Ana, I…I don't know what to say, you were fine when we left Dr. Greene's office, you said you wanted to rest and that we should still keep our weekend plans, so I had Taylor bring us straight here. You fell asleep in the car and I carried you up and put you to bed. Did something happen, did you have a bad dream, maybe?" Christian asked timidly, as Ana continued to glare at him as if he is the anti-Christ. Granted, he may be deserving of such a title on many days, but today, in this moment, he is at a complete and total loss. He is grasping at straws trying to figure out what in the hell happened to turn his normally loving and sweet wife into a she-devil.

"A dream? No Christian, I did not have a _dream. _In fact, I woke up to a reality that is more hideous than my worst nightmare." She wrapped her arms protectively around her stomach and moved to sit on the bench at the foot of the bed; she took a deep breath and placed her head in her hands, as she gave in to her emotions and began to sob. Christian once again moved towards her and prayed that she wouldn't push him away.

"Ana, I…I…I'm at a total loss here, but I really need you to clue me in on what the fuck is going on. You need to rest. You heard Dr. Greene, getting upset and stressed is not good for you or the babies, we've got to keep your blood pressure under control or you'll end up on bed rest and I know that you don't want that. Please talk to me, baby. Tell me what is wrong and I will do whatever I can to make it better. Please just talk to me." Christian begged, as he knelt down in front of her and took her hands into his. He kissed her hands softly and tucked a stray piece of hair behind her ear as he gently wiped her tears away and pleaded with her once again. "Baby, please, I am completely out of my element here, will you please just talk to me." As her sobs subsided, Ana looked up at him, her face red and blotchy from crying and her eyes full of sadness and apprehension. Her voice trembled with unshed tears as she began to speak.

"Why did you lie to me? You said you sold Escala when we were separated. Why did you lie?" While he had no idea what was bothering her, nothing could have prepared Christian for that question.

"What in the fuck are you talking about?" He questioned, and then tried to calm his temper, so as not to further upset Ana and put her or the babies at additional risk. "What separation, baby? I'm really trying here, but I need you to help me out. I have no fucking idea what you are talking about." Ana could tell he was sincere, but that had her even more confused.

"Ana, what do you mean when we were separated? Did I miss something, because as far as I know we've never been separated?" Ana looked at him with questioning eyes and then gazed down to her swollen belly. _That can't be right, I've only just found out I'm pregnant, my belly is huge. What in the hell is going on?_

"C...C…Christian, did I dream all of this? It was so real and we had just left Dr. Greene's office from finding out the babies were yours and then she was so concerned about my blood pressure and preeclampsia. It was all so real." Ana cried as reality set in, she began to panic, startled to the core by her all-too-real dream. As she looked at Christian she could see that he was angry, really angry. Thermonuclear Fifty was about to make an appearance.

"**WHAT IN THE FUCK DO YOU MEAN FINDING OUT THE BABIES WERE MINE, ANA? DO YOU HAVE SOMETHING YOU NEED TO CONFESS?"**

"I don't even know where to start. It all seemed so real."

"How about at the beginning? I think I need the full story." Christian scoffed bitterly.

"Well, everything started when I was at the ER with Phoebe and you were caught on camera with that sub getting a blow-job in the elevator. The pictures were sold to the tabloids and they appeared everywhere, in the papers, on the internet, it was awful. I was so upset and angry…" Christian looks at her with wide eyes and a bit of disgust as he tries to keep up with what she is describing. _You've got to be fucking kidding me. _

"I can imagine. That would be…unsettling to say the least. But, you do understand that would never happen, right? I think we need to talk to Dr. Greene about this medication she put you on for your blood pressure. I know she said vivid dreams were a possible side effect, but this is insane. What else happened in this dream? I think I need to hear all of this." Ana swallowed nervously and picked up where she left off with the story.

"Well, we separated and you came to live here, but then you said it felt haunted and you sold the penthouse and bought a house on the Sound, down the road from our house. We shared custody of the kids and tried to be friends. Eventually, I filed for divorce…"Christian gasped and she paused and looked at him. His face was filled with shock and pain at the word divorce.

"What the fuck, Ana? A divorce, are you kidding me? We got a divorce?"

"No, no…we didn't get a divorce. You talked me into continuing with a legal separation on the condition that you got help with your issues regarding the subs and your need for control. You went to see Dr. Morris."

"Ana, I did go to see Dr. Morris, over two years ago, and I did get help for my issues. I thought we were past this shit. I thought we were in a good place with all of this. It's been over two years for crying out loud. Is that was this is about?"

"No, no Christian, it's not about that at all. I guess my dream just kind of mixed fantasy and reality. We are in a good place. I don't know why it came up in my dream. It was the same but different, I guess. Does that make sense?"

"No, Ana. None of this fucking makes sense!" Ana flinched as he roared, and it was obvious that he immediately regretted his outburst, as he tried to calm her down by rubbing her belly and kissing her head.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to yell." He says calmly. "It's just that that was such a dark time for us and I don't like revisiting it."

"I know Christian, and I am so proud of you for all of the progress you made with Dr. Morris, I really believe that it saved our marriage."

"I know, me too. I never thought I would find a therapist who could reach me better than Flynn. I was so scared when he left for the visiting professorship at Oxford, but Dr. Morris was a godsend. Who would have thought that I would embrace target shooting?"

"Not me, that's for sure. Though I can say, I am glad it forced you to learn to shoot." Ana laughed.

"Yes, it's been quite an experience. Ana, I know I've apologized before for what we went through two years ago, but I just want to tell you again how sorry I am, for everything I've put you through over the years." He whispered through choked sobs."

"Hey, it's in the past. I've forgiven you. The dream was definitely worse, at least in reality, you never cheated on me. When you felt like you were losing all control, you confided in me and we got the help we needed – for you and for our marriage."

"Ana, I know I considered taking on a sub, but it would have never been a sexual contract. Never."

"I know, Christian. We've talked about this so many times before; you don't need to apologize again. I know you never meant to hurt me."

"Ana, I want you to listen to me, okay. The crack who..." He pauses as Ana clears her throat and shoots him a look of disapproval. She hates when he refers to his birth mother as the crack whore. He smirks at her inference and begins speaking again. _**"Ella may have given birth to me and Grace and Carrick raised me and were my parents in every way that counts, but you…Ana, you brought me to life. You're it for me. I. Would. Never. Betray. You. I. Could. Never. Cheat. On. You.**_ I love you so much, Ana. I love the life you've given me. You are my more, my home, my everything. Please believe me." He wraps her in an embrace and kisses her softly as he runs his hand up and down her back. Both of their eyes filled with unshed tears.

"Oh Christian, of course I believe you. It's the same for me. I couldn't survive without you. You're it for me. I'm sorry I got so worked up and confused over a stupid dream."

"Hey, it's okay. We can't control what we dream about. Lord knows I know that all too well. Tell me what else happened in this dream." He murmured encouragingly.

"Well, we stayed separated and we were doing better, we actually had a one-night stand together after Kate and Elliott's karaoke party, but then I found out that you lied about the extent of your sexual relations with this sub and I just lost it. I wound up dating Eric and we had sex and then you got into a horrible car accident and we got back together and then you met Andrew and Elena died and then I found out I was pregnant and we didn't know who the father was…" Christian stopped her with a kiss and whispered softly in her ear as she rested on his chest, her back to his front and their legs twisted together.

"Take a breath baby, you don't have to get it all out in one-shot. We've got all night, the kids are at my parents' house until morning. But who in the hell is Eric? Do I need to kick his ass?" Ana could tell he was only half joking as he said the words and she dreaded telling him more, even if it was only a dream.

"Oh, um, Eric Allen."

"Eric Allen, the football player? The one whose wife died and we went to her funeral?"

"Uh huh."

"So you had an affair with the football player?"

"I didn't have an affair. We were separated, Christian. And it was only a dream."

"I don't care if it was a fucking dream. You fucked him, Ana. Do you want him? Do you want to fuck him?" Ana sighs in exasperation and deliberately rolls her eyes as she responds.

"No, Christian. I. Do. Not. Want. To. Fuck. Eric. Allen. It was a goddamned dream, for crying out loud. You're the one who just said we can't control what we dream about. I've met the man once in my life, at his wife's funeral, I might add. I have no idea how he made it into my dream."

"I just saw you roll your eyes again, Mrs. Grey. Don't expect me to overlook it twice." Christian smirked and kissed her hair. "So that is the only time you've met him then, at the funeral?"

Ana shook her head in exasperation at him, as her eyes widened and bulged in an effort to get her point across as she looked him in the eye and answered his question. "Yes, Christian, I've only met him the one time. Though I understand he is interested in writing his autobiography. I believe he is meeting with Grey Publishing next week."

"Well, I am sure that you have someone who will be handling that meeting, don't you, Mrs. Grey?"

"Yes, Christian. I won't be in the meeting if it will make you happy."

"It would make me very happy. Thank you. Now what else was in this dream?"

"I think that about sums it up. It's just so strange how parts of it were real and other parts were just…a dream. I mean everything with Andrew and Elena happened just like it did in real life, but then the sub, Eric, all of that seemed so real, but thank god none of it really happened."

"Yes, thank god for that." Christian murmured sarcastically.

Christian frowns as he remembers that dark time two years before when he nearly lost control, and his family. His business was going bad with the economy in the tank, but Ana's publishing company was thriving. He wanted another baby, but she wanted to wait a bit and they were fighting all the time. He had become depressed and more controlling than ever before. He seemed to find fault in everything Ana did or said. Their epic battles during that time nearly caused their marriage to self-destruct. He vividly remembers that fateful day when they decided to try and put their differences aside and reconnect with one another. The kids were with Kate and Elliott and they had planned to spend the weekend at Escala.

They shared a lovely dinner and foreplay that eventually led to the playroom. Everything was going so well, and then Christian snapped. Ana was blindfolded and her wrists and ankles were tethered to the bed and her beautiful ass was in the air. Christian started at her feet and kissed his way up to her folds, worshiping every inch of her body. When he reached his destination, he gently caressed her ass and fingered her. He had closed his eyes and was lost in the sensations that Ana's soft moans were bringing to his own body as his cock stirred. It was when Ana started speaking that things fell apart. He was jerking himself off as he nibbled and sucked his way to her folds, her body on fire. Her words still echo in his head. _"Christian, please. I need you. Oh God, how did we ever stop this? I need you so much. Don't you understand, it wouldn't matter to me if you didn't have a dime to your name. I love you so much. Please Christian, I need you."_

He stopped his menstruations and just stared at her body. He couldn't believe she would say such a thing, did she really think he was that big of a loser, that they might end up penniless? Suddenly, his arousal turned to rage and with her ass so willingly in the air, it was as if she was waiting for a punishment. And in that moment, he wanted nothing more than to punish her. Without warning, his hand came down with such force, that her body fell flat on the bed. Ana screamed out, but he blocked out her words – until she screamed RED at the top of her lungs. He quickly untied her and tried to apologize, but she ran from the room and from him. Something in him broke that night and he knew, just like the first time she ran from that room so many years before, that he needed help or he would lose her forever. Flynn had just left for a year in London and he began seeing Dr. Morris. She told him that he needed to tell Ana about these thoughts and urged him to bring her in for a joint session.

When he confessed his thoughts to Ana, she told him to figure out his issues or she and the children would be gone. The fear of losing Ana and his children forced Christian to face up to his past once and for all and find different outlets for his need to feel in control. In short, Dr. Morris had saved him and his family. Flynn had since returned and had become a good friend, but was no longer Christian's therapist. With Flynn and Andrew in his life, Christian had true friends for the first time. Friends who knew his darkest secrets and would never betray him. He was still wracked with guilt and shame for hurting Ana and now understood just how inappropriate those thoughts and actions were. He had found new outlets for control and by some miracle, Ana had forgiven him. In the subsequent years their marriage had grown even stronger. They were more open and honest with each other than ever before and Christian knew that he would never hurt her again. The urge to physically punish another human being in order to gain a false sense of control had left him, though they still enjoyed bondage and erotic spankings. Their twins, a boy and a girl, were due in four months and life was good. Still, Christian couldn't help but feel sadness when he thought about what he could have lost. Ana's soft voice brought him out of his trance.

"Hey, I just meant that it was so strange and realistic. Please don't shut me out, Christian. I even dreamt about the beach house and the Greyopoly game and the brick you gave me for my bracelet."

"Hmmm. That was a great Christmas. We'll have to see if we can top it this year."

"I don't know if we'll ever be able to top that one. It was perfect." Ana reminisced.

"It really was, wasn't it?" Christian agreed.

"Yes, that entire holiday season was so perfect. That was also the year that Andrew came into our lives. He and Sya have been such a blessing."

"They really have. He's done so well at GEH and he's become a really great friend."

"We've really been so blessed, Christian. Thank you for everything."

"Thank you, Mrs. Grey. I love you."

"I love you too, Christian. Always." Ana agreed, as she released a huge yawn.

"Am I keeping you awake, Mrs. Grey?" Christian teased.

"No, but these babies are draining my energy. I still can't believe we are having twins."

"I know. It's crazy, but I can't wait until they are here. I never would have thought that I could be a father until you came into my life. You and our children are the best things ever to happen to me."

"Ditto, Mr. Grey. You're a wonderful father, just like I always knew you would be."

"That's only because I have you by my side. I never could have had this life with anyone else, Ana."

"Thank you for giving me more, Christian." Ana said, yawning once again. "I'm sorry that I fell asleep after our appointment with Dr. Greene. Hopefully when I wake up, I'll feel more like myself and ready for our weekly playtime." Ana smirked and Christian laughed. Ever since Ana returned to work after Teddy was born, they had made Friday afternoons their 'playtime' at Escala. Meeting there for a late lunch and staying through dinner. If either of them weren't available, they found another time during the week for their date. It somehow kept them even more connected and they never wanted to lose that intimacy. They learned early on in their marriage that it was important to always make time for each other.

"Baby, giving you more has truly been my pleasure, but you need to get some rest. Let's hope the dreams stay away this time, okay? I'm going to go and talk with Taylor for a moment, but I'll wake you when dinner is ready."

"Thank you, baby. I love you so much."

"I love you too, Ana. Sleep baby." Christian kissed her forehead and quietly left their bedroom and made his way to Taylor's office. As he approached the room, Taylor quickly stood to greet him.

"Mr. Grey. How is Mrs. Grey doing?"

"She's doing fine, thank you for asking. She ugh…had a bad dream." _A fucking nightmare would be more like it. What the fuck does it mean? Maybe Morris will have some insight into this fucking thing. Ana dreams that I am publicly exposed having sexual relations with a sub in an elevator, as if that would ever fucking happen. We separate and nearly divorce; during which time she has a relationship with this Allen fucker. I get in a car accident, we reconcile and she finds out she's pregnant and thinks that guy is the father. That is not a fucking dream. It's a colossal fuck up of a nightmare that will probably haunt me for years._

"Ah Sir, are you ok? You seem a little pale. Can I get you something?"

Snapping out of his reverie, Christian quickly brushes Taylor's concerns aside.

"I'm fine, thank you Taylor. Just glad that Ana seems okay."

"I see. Well, I'm glad it wasn't something more serious." _Oh it was fucking serious all right, about gave me a fucking heart attack._

"Listen Taylor, I need you to have someone watch Eric Allen."

"Eric Allen, the football player whose wife died?" A seemingly star struck Taylor asked. _Of course, everyone fucking likes Mr. All American Football Player who stars in my wife's X-Rated dreams. Fucking Great._

"The very same." Christian replied with annoyance.

"He's seems like a great guy from everything I've read and heard about him. Hell of a football player, too. It's a real shame what happened to his wife, he's raised his kids all on his own and even started some type of charity in honor of his late wife. Has something happened that I need to be aware of?"

"No nothing has happened, yet." Christian responded, clearly irritated with Taylor's rosy assessment of Eric Allen. "Oh and Taylor, and make sure he is on Mrs. Grey's proscribed list of visitors. I don't ever want her alone with that fucker." Christian growled.

"Yes, sir. I'll take care of it."

"Thank you, Taylor. Oh and can you get Dr. Greene on the phone for me. I need to see if she can switch Ana's blood pressure medicine. The side effects from this one are a real pain in the ass."

Christian made his way back into the room, where he wrapped Ana in his arms, holding her close to his chest. As she stirred, he prayed that she wasn't waking from another "dream." Relieved when she turned into his embrace with a warm smile, he gave her a loving kiss and rubbed her large bump. He then took her face in his hands and spoke softly as he kissed head.

"I love you Ana, so much. Thank you for the life you've given me, for our family."

"I love you too Christian, always."

"How are my babies?"

"They're awake now, you can feel them moving." Christian moved his hand to her bump and leaned down to kiss it. It warmed her heart when he began talking to the babies.

"Hey, Chase Trevelyan and Alexandra Rose Grey, it's daddy. This weekend is my special time alone with mommy, so you guys need to cooperate and give her a break, okay? I love you both very much and we can't wait to meet you. Now go to sleep."

Ana smiled and wrapped her arms around Christian's neck. She kissed him softly at first, but the kiss quickly turned more passionate, as their tongues twisted together. When they finally broke apart, both out of breath, Christian smirked and quirked a brow as he began to speak.

"Mrs. Grey, it seems that second nap did you a world of good. Are you feeling up to playing?"

"Always, Mr. Grey." Ana replied with a smile.

"Be in position in ten minutes." Christian ordered in his Dominant voice,

"Yes, sir."

_**The End**_

**Author's note #2**: _**It All Started With A Tweet**_ – _Months ago, I was extremely frustrated with one cheating story in particular, and frustrated by the dominance of FSOG cheating stories on FF. Now, don't get me wrong, I love a good story and I love drama and angst too(in limited doses), but I was tired of hearing how Christian cheated because he felt out of control, etc. and yet he and Ana reconciled without him ever resolving those issues. I honestly don't believe that Christian or Ana (as if he's real) would ever cheat, so I sent a tweet to E.L. James to get her take on her characters. I was surprised when I received an almost instantaneous and emphatic reply that NO, he would never cheat. That sold me on the dream ending, but I still wanted to explore him finding new outlets for his need to feel in control, while at the same time realizing that Elena harmed him far more than she helped him. I also wanted a strong Ana, who stood her ground and realized she could find happiness with another great man – if that was the path she chose to take. I know many of you may be frustrated with this ending, but I hope that in the end you enjoyed the ride. Thank you for reading. Reviews are always appreciated._

_Special thanks to Jamie, Kerry, Carmella and Michelle for keeping me sane during this story; especially when the trolls came out to play. You girls are the best!_


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